WOW - this is a new low for a doc's office. Devastating and INFURIATING

[meeks32]

meeks ....

Wow. Just WOW. I need a stand up and applaud smiley, you are such a survivor, lady. Those are some truly horrific experiences - I am so, so, so very very sorry you had to go through that. Absolute nightmare. It's definitely malpractice, I'm just so relieved you and your baby came through okay. No one ever seems to give a crap until someone's seriously injured due to malpractice or dead, do they?

You're very right about there being good docs and bad docs, and good and bad midwives. I had a very very experienced midwife with my last birth and she was brilliant, which is maybe why I have such a positive light on them atm. But she moved practices and is too far away now which sucks. So I'm not sure what to do as I'm very very particular. With my mental health issues that always seem to flare in pregnancy I'm picky with my practitioners. When you're in birth, you're so so vulnerable, and I need to be able to trust my providers. I've also learned to check and double check and check again. I have awful OCD and I have REALLY AWFUL OCD around anything germy. I can barely stand it to be in a private room. With DS1 we requested and was approved for a private but then they somehow screwed up the paperwork. So I ended up in a ward, which was an absolute horror nightmare for me. I kept having panic attacks over panic attacks, and changing hospital gowns constantly because I was sweating right through them, and the nurses just yelled at me for creating so much laundry. I had a very very bad case of PPD right after that birth, gee I wonder why?

I too am not a screamer. I barely made it to the hospital with DS3 because I didn't realize I was in freaking transition until I threw up, lol. That one was almost a birth-by-the-side-of-the-highway story.

Yk, I'm glad we all got to share these stories. Yes they're horrid but I also think we all need to share and support each other, and know that it's NOT okay to be treated this way. It's so hard being your own advocate when the medical system likes to make you feel like you're so lucky to have any care at all. I make no apologies these days for grilling my care providers and being very clear about what I expect. I'm still not very good at confrontation, but it's important to stand up for yourself.

Exactly! I've had to learn not to blindly trust a medical opinion, to question and that I have a right to, although medical treatment is a gift we privileged get in the first world countries, that doesn't mean we should bow down and be grateful just to see a dr. We pay for the services and are entitled to a second opinion.

I do understand with OCD, swaying alone makes that difficult. You may need extra help to manage that aspect because swaying can be quite particular and may push all the wrong buttons for you, when TTC in general is already going to work you up. You may find you can only manage parts of swaying, perhaps diet or timing or something else is causing you to flare up, maybe you can only do parts. The most important thing is controlling your OCD before it controls you, not swaying. You are amazing for fighting every day with OCD, I have a few close friends with it and its a constant balancing act, much like diet. Too far one way too far the other and it all goes downhill. I have some tendencies too but am fortunate to be able to self moderate because I'm very mild on the spectrum.

With your midwives where you are is there a safe option for home birth? I ask because maybe you would be more comfortable in your own environment where you can control most of the parameters. I know it's not always safe and don't think it's a good idea unless you are close enough to a hospital in case of emergency, but it's a thought.

I think you should interview some from different midwifery centres before choosing and MENTION your OCD don't pretend it's ok when it's not. It's as you said a mental health issue and diagnosed OCD is recognised as something that needs to be dealt with differently and with compassion, it's not just a patient being particular.

Ultimately nothing beats an experienced dr, midwife or nurse and I find some private practices harbour different patient care, compassion and approach than others. My ob for ds2 was FANTASTIC as were all his midwives and I'd have a nervous breakdown if he moved before I have #3. I plan to request the same midwife he gave me last time too (he assigns just one midwife to patients and if he's in available you always speak to/see the same person). I loved that.

I was always such a public health advocate but after ds1 I felt I had to have more control and accountability so for me private was worth the money. I still believe its different for everyone and never discourage anyone from their plan for birth and labour care because everyone has different concerns and history and its totally personal.

Oh hey maybe you could call your old midwife and ask who she recommends in your area???

[LacePrincess]

No worries, meeks. I too figured out a few months back that the sway diet was really messing with my head - I've pretty much entirely thrown out the whole sway, including diet. I really don't care about gender, I didn't before the m/c and I especially don't now!

I have an excellent psychiatrist that I've been seeing since I was first diagnosed 12 years ago. So he knows me very, very well, lol. He also knows we are TTC and will be managing my care. I'm seeing him next week and it should be an interesting conversation for sure.

When I called the midwife I did mention my OCD issues, yes, so I did emphasize that this is a big issue for me and that OCD always worsens during pregnancy/postpartum. Unfortunately around here there aren't heaps of choices and it's hard to find midwives with availability, so you're pretty lucky to get one at all. Having said that I've read good reviews of the one near me, so fx they will be a good fit when I get a bfp!

Unfortunately I'm just not comfortable at all with homebirth, but the hospital that I birthed in last time was ok (for hospitals). I just make sure that I double check that the private room, etc., are all confirmed reserved waaaay beforehand and I'm good. I kinda like the option of pain meds, lol, even though last time I was far too late to get any.

[harleyquinn]

Lace, what are you doing to sway? I agree about diet for you. (hi my name is harleyquinn and I cannot diet like a normal person )

is there a ttc/being pg after loss thread on here we can chat on?

[LacePrincess]

Lace, what are you doing to sway? I agree about diet for you. (hi my name is harleyquinn and I cannot diet like a normal person )

is there a ttc/being pg after loss thread on here we can chat on?

Hahahaha, swaying? At this point? Uhm kinda nothing.

Well, I had a m/c and plan on trying again immediately, does that count? LOL

Seriously though, I've completely abandonned the diet. It was just wreaking havoc on my mental state and just.....no, been there to the dark side and by the grace of God pulled it back in Dec before it was too late. Too close for comfort, really, so never again.

I am taking Vitex (well not right now after the m/c) and that sways girl, but the V was really more to regulate my O. I also take B6 which sways boy unfortunately but it's the only thing that gets my LP anywhere near normal.

Otherwise I workout almost everyday but I do that anyways. So my sway is kinda, well, nothing right now, lol, except for the unfortunate m/c and being older and somewhat fitter/lighter/lower bodyfat than I was with all my kids. But really and truly? I don't care about gender. I'd much rather have a bunch more loss-free pregnancies and ALL boys than to have any more losses even if I was guaranteed a girl at the end.

I don't think we have a Trying after Loss board, no. There's an infertility board but that doesn't quite apply. I very much agree that it would be nice to have one, as I think a lot of people after a loss feel like they don't belong anywhere..... It's too painful to go back to the original TTC board, we aren't really 'infertile' either. Let me PM the site owner and see what she says?

[harleyquinn]

Just a thought but I am really just hoping my anxiety will just settle down here over the next few weeks

Seriously if I had to start all over again....never mind...can't even go there I guess other people are talking about finding out gender/announcing pg but I am more along the lines of finding out if the baby will live. Not helping I have no symptoms whatsoever (besides PNAD...pre-noravirus anxiety disorder)

I think your exercise will sway for you, if I remember the exercise stats (out of 10 people) was 100%. When will start the vitex? And as far as diet, I guess I kinda believe as long as you are not eating loads and a rack of ribs every night, its ok and neutral to ttc any gender at this point, kwim?

I was looking at the age of your boys...you obviously slacked off and did not squeak in the 4th boy in 2005 like I did LOL (mine are 2004, 2005, 2007, 2009)

[The Anchor]

Just a thought but I am really just hoping my anxiety will just settle down here over the next few weeks

Seriously if I had to start all over again....never mind...can't even go there I guess other people are talking about finding out gender/announcing pg but I am more along the lines of finding out if the baby will live. Not helping I have no symptoms whatsoever (besides PNAD...pre-noravirus anxiety disorder)

I know I've said it before, but the only thing my "sway" will involve this time around is the healthiest, stickiest egg known to woman. I'm doing a "let's get pregnant fast and make it stick" sway. After my m/c in October, all I want is a baby in my arms now. I'm on cycle 4 since my m/c...and I would give anything to be pg. (Sorry Lace, didn't mean to hijack!)

[LacePrincess]

Hey, no apologies Anchor! It's always lovely to read posts from you.

Harley, lol, yes I did slack didn't I? Well darn, I'll probably never hit an even dozen now. Really I was so traumatized by that ridiculously precipitous birth that I wasn't ready for a looooooooooong time......

One odd blessing from this loss, though, is that I feel I have been well and truly cured of any GD. The thought of 'mom of 4 boys' makes me so thrilled.

And who could blame you for being ridiculously anxious after all you've gone through. I dearly pray I don't have to lose any more, I'm not sure I'd have the fortitude to keep going like you have. But I know, sometimes it's not an option NOT to go on so you just kind of do.

This thread has become quite a fun discussion!

[meeks32]

Ladies it's helped me so much reading all your posts about loosening up on swaying, I'm at that point now where something's got to give and after my third loss I just feel like I can't keep it up with diet. I am, but it gets harder each month not easier. Mind you I'm terrified if I give it up, I'll gain heaps and really ruin everything sway wise, which I don't mind about so much as the fact that means 9 months of hard work were for nothing.

If I were to give everything up and get healthy for a sticky bean I'd do:
Healthy snacks often
Breakfast musli with nuts and greek yoghurt
Eat meat
Fish oil tablets
Preg multivitamin
B6 if those things didn't lengthen my luteal

That was what I was doing with the boys! Mind you, everything on that list helps your fertility, which sways boy! Grrr

Like many of you have said, I'm starting to care less about gender and more about a baby. Perhaps this was my path. When I finally get pg, I won't be completely obsessed with gender I'll be SO thankful to be pregnant and cherish whatever I get. 9 months ago I would have had GD.

[harleyquinn]

I take the fish oil and have added fatty fish back into my diet, as well as eat steak with blue cheese at LEAST 3x a week. I was in poor shape after the Oct m/c..iron issues, ate horrible during that pg, grief etc...SO...I eat. I"m not a breakfast person, so I don't worry about that. I think you can eat the way you want, and still manage to sway a bit if you are able.

THing is, if you get pg easy, you CAN add little things in even though other things are blue. I call this the androgenous sway. Or purple sway. For this pg, I used acijel before but then for some unknown reason, I douched after DTD...which prob washed away the acijel?? LOL...I would NEVER tell anyone to do that; seems I can tell others what to do but for myself all reason flies out the window But I did get pregnant! Whether it will stick or not, has nothing to do with the acijel or douche.

BUT swaying...even that^^^, takes an emotional toll on me. I ordered that tube of acijel MONTHS ago and I thought "well that was a waste of $45 for one squirt" but here I am now, nearly in tears thinking of ordering another tube because that one is completely gone. I just can't.

And the whole frequency timing thing...OMG....there is NO WAY I could do that. NO WAY. Not because it doesn't make sense but I am not going through all that. So we do boy timing and it feels RIGHT.

[LacePrincess]

Wow I had NO CLUE Acijel was so $$$$$. I can't even find it and I'm not comfortable ordering anything but POAS sticks online, so guess I didn't miss out on anything.

I did try Benedryl before BD once and it made me loopy, stupid, and drowsy as heck and never again. Blech.

I've totally gone back to my regular eating habits. Oatmeal for brekky, well rounded meals with mostly white proteins, red meat once a week or so. Not a lot of snacking but 3-4 meals a day. I was getting just plain tired and wrecking my metabolism with the LE diet, not to mention my mood disorder problems.

The other thing worth considering is that a lousy diet can run us down so much that perhaps for anyone suffering recurrent m/c, it has to be considered as a factor. Not saying at ALL that the LE diet can cause m/c, but perhaps if you're prone lack of nutrients won't help the body create a nice receptive lining. No medical nothing to back this up, just my gut feeling. I've also never done any of the frequency thing, I wouldn't call our bd'ing 'boy' frequency, we just start bd'ing daily from +OPK until confirmed temp rise. I also have DH release every 3-4 days outside my fertile window so his 'stuff' isn't too old for the egg.

My thinking is too, that if we're all getting a bit older and seem to be more at risk for losses perhaps we're squarely in girl territory anyways? I thought I've read somewhere that you're more likely to have boys in 'prime fertility' years. So maybe if we're having a hard time getting an egg to stick properly we're already swaying girl due to reduced fertility. And thus we should be just doing what we can to be fertile.

In the end, though, I really don't care. I just want to be preggo, period.