Broken Dreams

[SamS_TTCPink]

thanks for your post Mlka1104 and I'm sorry for your loss too, it is hard but I've found amazing support on here. As horrible it is that so many of us have had to go through a loss, it is good to have someone who understands. xx

[angielorna]

I am so very heartbroken for you. I know it's been said, but it is worthy to say it again (and again and again) .... it is not your fault, there is nothing you could have done differently to change the outcome. When I lost my first baby, the OB looked at me and said "do you know why this happened?" And I said "there must have been something wrong with the baby". He smiled and said, "perhaps, but these things happen sometimes and it's nothing you've done, has nothing to do with who you are, and there is nothing that you could have done differently. It doesn't matter who you are, there is always a chance. My daughter and a hooker on the corner would have the same chance of miscarriage". I don't know if it's helpful to you or not, but it made me laugh to hear this coming from a random OB, who I had never met.

I lost my first and second pregnancy at 10 weeks and my third at 14 weeks (my daughter and the most traumatizing experience I've been through to date). I completely understand the grief and sorrow over not only losing a child, but also the future that could have been. The heart finds a way to heal around the pain and allows us to move forward and create an alternate future. I realize now that if I had not lost my daughter at 14 weeks, I would not have DS2, who I love dearly. The children who watch over our family from above hold a very special place in my heart.

I was told to wait one cycle before trying again, however, from what I've read myself, there is no physical reason to do so....it's mostly for emotional healing (as if it only takes one cycle). In fact, I've read that conceiving again after a miscarriage is easier because the body is already "primed" for pregnancy. I've never conceived a month after heartbreak, but within 3. My boss carried a baby to term, only for her to pass away shortly after birth(heart defect due to medications prescribed for nausea during pregnancy) and got pregnant her very first cycle after (unintentionally) and her second daughter is now 32. So there is no physical reason to wait.

I don't know anything about swaying after your loss, but I see that Atomic posted a link to her essay.

What I wish for you is to start on your healing journey and find a way to move forward. Your son sounds amazing. He must take after his mother Though, your DH sounds wonderfully supportive as well. I'm sorry you do not have the IRL support you need but am relieved that you can find support in this forum.

Lots of hugs to you.
Angie

[SamS_TTCPink]

Thanks Angie, that's a really nice post. And I am so sorry for your losses too. 💔

I guess I do know that it's probably nothing I did it didn't do, but as you'd probably know, it's hard to not look into it all and wonder. 😞

My DS2 is amazing! I am very blessed to have him. ❤️❤️❤️

Thank you for your support and kind words. xx