Broken Dreams

[SamS_TTCPink]

A few weeks ago I was so excited to be able to post in the pregnancy talk forum and now her I am, devastated I'm posting here.

Right from the BFP though I just knew it was all too good to be true. Everything had worked out too well. We had a good pink sway (not perfect but good), had our one attempt at positive opk, and got our BFP! It was all too perfect. I wanted a 2014 baby so badly and had everything all planned out and it was all falling into place. Way too good to be true because things just don't happen that perfect for me.

Then I knew something wasn't right when I had no symptoms, cramping and occasional nausea but that was it. But then I also thought I was just being negative and overly worried and thought hopefully it was just different from the boys pregnancies cause it was our girl!

I started spotting and having brown discharge and again was concerned something was wrong, but it seemed to stop and again, just thought it was defiantly our girl. Then 2 nights ago I started bleeding, heavy painful bleeding. I went to hospital hoping they'd do an ultra sound, see my baby and tell me everything was ok.
But instead, they said I had an ectopic pregnancy or was having a miscarriage. They wouldn't do an ultrasound but did bloods and said my HCG levels were way too low and I was defiantly losing the baby.

So here I am, at home still bleeding and in pain and knowing I've lost my baby. My dreams of a Christmas baby shattered and all the questions in my head of whether it's something I did, something I ate, something I didn't do right, that caused this??!?! Or do I just simply not deserve a daughter??? 😞

And also wondering where to from here? After my BFP I went off the LE diet, stopped the supplements and started a prenatal vitamin, put weight on and went back to my very "boy friendly" lifestyle. So I'm back to square one!!

I have read that miscarriage can sway pink but after not being on LE for the past 6 weeks, am I better off waiting and dieting again or is miscarriage enough of a sway to make up for the diet?? And does a miscarriage count as the start of a cycle or do I need to wait until I've had a full cycle after this miscarriage ends??

I know it's hard to talk about but I guess I'd like to know what other pink swayers have done after a loss, how long you swayed for again, how long you waited and if you changed anything or did anything? And did you do anything to help prevent another loss? And what outcomes did you have?

I'd appreciate any advice on where to go from here. 💜💜💜


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[coocoobananas]

Not that I have any idea but I think if I were you I would try this very next cycle. Just do the le strict til then and for the 2 ww. Of course I'm not sure I could if I was sad on top of it I'd want comfort food etc.
Sorry you're having to go through this mum

[nuthinbutpink]

Just wanted to say I'm so sorry for you loss.

[Mackenzie]

I am so sorry! I've had 2 miscarriages, they are awful. It is nothing you did! So stop thinking like that. It only hurts you more. What the doctors said to me is something didn't happen right in the series of events and it's your body doing it's job.
It may sound kinda bad but for me thinking about moving forward helped, Planning the next attempt. I'm a blue sawyer but I have 3 girls I would go for next ovulation. Count your first day of red bleeding as cd 1 and track ovulation. It was a bit later for me but just by a couple days. Be kind to yourself! It's not your fault! Also what really helped me was looking at my other beautiful healthy children and realizing how blessed I am to have them. It will get better. I'm thinking of you.

[aidansmum]

Oh no, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's so not fair! Don't beat yourself up hun, you did nothing wrong, unfortunately these things happen, but I know how frustrating it is, I had a miscarriage of a much wanted baby a few years ago and it's heartbreaking, I feel for you.
I personally do not think the short time you had off the LE would affect anything that much, if I were you I would go for it as soon as possible, but don't do anything that will put doubt in your mind, in the end only you can tell what you're comfortable with doing. Just want to send you hugs x

[SamS_TTCPink]

Thank you all.

I think you're right Mackenzie and looking forward and planning our next attempt will help, just wasn't sure how to track everything now but I'll take your advice and count Friday as CD1. 😊

I do think "emotionally" I'm more than happy to try straight away, just hope my body is too!




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[kitkat18]

Hey mumofsix I'm so sorry I can't offer you any practical swaying advice after a mc but I just wanted to say don't beat yourself this was not your fault!! Us boy mums do tend to blame ourselves I know I do big hugs! I feel like I have got to know you and this whole forum I'm sure is rooting for you to get your girl !! Good luck with your decision but I look forward to chatting with you more xxxx

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[SamS_TTCPink]

Thanks kitkat, I too feel like I've made real "friends" on this site and you all know me better and more about me than any friend I do have here (I actually don't have many friends though) and it's so nice to have some support and someone to talk to who actually understands and who doesn't judge! Especially now and going through a m/c I don't think I could get through it as well without this site and everyone I've gotten to know.

And yes, us boy mums sure do blame ourselves for everything! 😜

Thanks again, your support is greatly appreciated. 💜💜💜


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[kitkat18]

Mumof six I'm so surprised you don't have lots of friends you seem really genuine, lovely and fun!!! But yes I too could not have coped without this site and all of you ( no one knows I'm swaying!!) yah for new friends and this site xxxxx

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[flowerlily]

I really haven't got any advice for you. But I'm so so sorry you had to go through this, the world is horrible place, and please please don't blame yourself for this. Big hugs.
Shame on the hospital for not giving you an u/s, what horrible people they are for just assuming what you are going through to this and that!!
BIG HUGS. TAKE CARE.

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