Thread: My sway baby is now in Heaven
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January 15th, 2015, 07:15 PM #1
My sway baby is now in Heaven
I had an ultrasound last week at 8w3d and there was a beautiful baby with a HB of 161. I was ecstatic. The baby was attached in the left, posterior part of my uterus so I was even more ecstatic. My nausea was verging on unbearable, my face is breaking out, and I feel like a walking b-word. Over all, I felt confident I had my little girl cooking.
My midwife came in the room to chat with me and she dropped a bomb on me: she suspected a molar pregnancy in conjunction with my baby. She ran HcG levels to see if they were too high (which is a symptom of a mole) and they came back on the "high side of normal" (again, I felt the baby would be okay and was a girl with these increased HcG numbers).
I went back today for a follow-up u/s and there was no heart beat. I can't even believe it. I am so shattered and sad right now. I cannot believe I lost a child that is oh-so-wanted. My husband and I both swayed for a few months before we started TTC (which in itself took five months).
I feel like I lost my daughter. I can't quantify it, but I feel that it was a girl and now she's gone.
I don't know where to go from this. They say to wait to TTC six months after a mole. I don't know if I'll ever be able to go through it again.
I never really thought of pregnancy loss before, because I am truly blessed. I have two healthy boys right in front of me, and I never had any reason to be fearful during either one of their pregnancies. I am so sorry that you ladies are also going through this. This is pain that I've always heard others speak of, but I can't even put into words how awful it is.
I go in for a D&C tomorrow. I'm too sad to even be the least bit scared.
Goodbye, baby. You are so loved and missed so much.Luckiest mama to a (2011) and my sweet (2013 unmedicated VBAC).
Missing my Angel Babies (1/2015), lost due to twin partial molar pregnancy. Another , June 2015.. rainbow 2016.
Hoping for a rainbow girl in 2017; PGD/IVF.
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January 15th, 2015, 07:41 PM #2
I'm so very sorry for you how utterly devastating. Wishing you all the strength you need to see you though sending you love.
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January 15th, 2015, 07:42 PM #3
Thank you, True Blue.
Luckiest mama to a (2011) and my sweet (2013 unmedicated VBAC).
Missing my Angel Babies (1/2015), lost due to twin partial molar pregnancy. Another , June 2015.. rainbow 2016.
Hoping for a rainbow girl in 2017; PGD/IVF.
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January 15th, 2015, 07:44 PM #4IVF Advice Coach
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So Sorry.
Mom to
and my IVF/PGD
It's better to look back on life and say: "I can't believe I did that" than to look back and say "I wish I did that".
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January 15th, 2015, 07:53 PM #5
Oh honey, I am so sorry. I have always felt that the loss of a child has to be one of the greatest agonies every known to us. I wish I could say something to ease your grief.
I do know that when others have had these types of loss, part of the void that is left behind is filled when they go on to have healthy pregnancies. You know your body can do it, you just have to decide, in time, if your heart can handle the unknown.
I had a pregnancy that looked good but was found to be an empty sac at 8 weeks. That haunted me for a long time. When I went for my first u/s with this baby I was scared silly, but its all going well so far and I am so grateful. My heart was broken, but its on the mend. I wish the same for you.
Big hugs mama.
My Gender Dreaming
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January 15th, 2015, 08:08 PM #6Swaying Advice Coach
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oh NO, I'm so sorry.
It is very important that you wait after a molar. But the good news is, many times they think they see a molar pg and it turns out not to be, and I believe your HCG levels would tend to be abnormally high if it was truly a molar pg. Praying that this is not the case and hoping that this process turns out to be easy on you.!!! Questions?? Check out the NEW and improved Complete Index !!!
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January 15th, 2015, 08:45 PM #7Moderator
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Oh no, I'm so so sorry. Thinking of you.
Me (38) and DH (38)
SAHM military momma to DS1 (2004), DS2 (who's all boy but loves to dance, though not in a tutu!) (2006), DS3 (2009), and our rainbow baby girl DD1 (2017)
early m/c Jan 2013
Cycle #1 @ HRC (Oct 2014) - 6 retrieved, 4 mature, 3 fertilized and biopsied. 1XX and 1XY abnormal. 1XX no DNA found, rebiopsied and found normal, frozen.
FET attempt #1 (Nov 2014) - cancelled due to functional cyst. FET attempt #2 (Jan 30, 2015) - NT. Remaining embie failed to thaw.
May 2015 - started infertility treatments at OFC. Femara 2.5mg
July 2015 - BFP after second round of Femara. Aug 4 2015 - 6w4d
Dec 21 2015 - mmc 7w1d
Apr 2016 - IVF Cycle #2. Converted to IUI because of uneven response and leading follicles.
Apr 19, 2016 - IUI with 3 mature follicles (2 right, 1 left), post wash: 17mil, 94% motility and 89% rapid motility. BFN.
June 3, 2016 - 5mg Femara cycle. 5w.
Sep 1, 2016 - 5mg Femara cycle. 8w.
Our rainbow baby girl arrived on Mon Aug 28, 2017 - "After every storm comes a rainbow". We are so thankful and grateful for every moment.
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January 16th, 2015, 12:25 AM #8
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I will be thinking of you today and hope your D&C goes as easy as is possible. (I personally found it fine since you are under for the procedure). Big big hugs, I know my words can't help you feel better but I wish they could.
Enjoying life with my crazy little DS1 2010: and DS2 2012:
Jan 15- Loss sway baby 12 wks
It's a boy!
My Chart
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January 16th, 2015, 02:57 AM #9
Oh so sad, I'm sorry . Hope you heal and recover quickly xxx
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January 16th, 2015, 03:10 AM #10
So so sorry to hear this xxxxxx
1st Marriage 1999 2002
2nd Marriage 2008 2011
#1 Dogus N Cyprus BFN
HT July -Aug 2015 - Too beautiful for this world
Sep 2015 FET at Clinic R CZ BFN
Due July 2016 with a rainbow natural conception
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