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August 6th, 2015, 06:40 AM
#11
That's tough on you, men never know the right things to say (roll eyes here) but mine has been pretty supportive through the roller coaster this has been. I am regretting the loss oft fertile years, my AFC count went down heaps in one year but I didn't know that was happening and can't blame him, if I said 3 years ago I wanted HT he would have done it.
maybe tell him how much u need him right now? Even if on the phone
07
09 (opposite shettles)
12 (failed sway)
Sway:
Apr 13
Nov 13
HT#1 cycle May 14 (SART) 1
XX but BFN from Aug 14 FET...we're going to HRC 2015, BFN Mar 15 also. 3 boys in my family- that's us!!
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August 6th, 2015, 06:53 AM
#12
Moderator
Originally Posted by
WannaGirl
That's tough on you, men never know the right things to say (roll eyes here) but mine has been pretty supportive through the roller coaster this has been. I am regretting the loss oft fertile years, my AFC count went down heaps in one year but I didn't know that was happening and can't blame him, if I said 3 years ago I wanted HT he would have done it.
maybe tell him how much u need him right now? Even if on the phone
Oh I did! In many emails and many, many, many texts, lol. I also linked him to this thread too.
I know it's not intentional, but men do tend to react that way. I know some ladies are very hurt when their guys hide their own grief and won't show them, but I'm okay if he wants to grieve privately alone if that's his preference. But that's not mine. What I need him to do is communicate and be there and listen. And not break his promises when he says he'll be calling or online! I'm frankly not going to be very understanding outside of an emergency about missing a promised chat/call. I told him yesterday that he had no excuses unless somehow all the satellites in that region exploded in space and terrorists had destroyed the landlines too. Snort. The irony is, his trade is in communications and technology!!!
The loss feels so private in a way. Nobody knew about our bfp except my best friend and my inlaws. That's it. And I don't want to tell anyone else, at least not right now. I couldn't handle hearing any of the crap like 'at least it was only 6 weeks' or 'don't worry you can try again' or all the other insensitive things people say that makes you feel like your loss isn't valid enough to grieve. I had enough of that from the first loss. I'm sure you know what I mean!
At the same time though, I kind of want to run through the streets wailing hysterically, yk? I mean I won't, lol, but I don't want to grieve alone. I don't like being alone.
I love this vid I found on the Reddit loss forums today. This is pretty much exactly how I feel:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IyUrfQ-gIyI
I also NEED a way to memorialize the loss this time. I never did with my last one and I feel like that one is still lacking closure. So I need to do something to remember both of my angels this time. I thought of a tattoo....but I'm not a tat person, and I can't find any examples so far online I didn't think were tacky. The only place I would be okay getting a tattoo would be like right above the hip in the very low back (like to the side, so not a tramp stamp), but then it wouldn't really be visible to me.
Maybe jewelry but so far the only stuff I've seen is pretty cheap quality. I might go for a right hand ring from a real jewelry store, but I don't want anything too generic. So I'm still looking.
Last edited by LacePrincess; August 6th, 2015 at 06:55 AM.
Me (38) and DH (38)
SAHM military momma to
DS1 (2004),
DS2 (who's all boy but loves to dance, though not in a tutu!) (2006),
DS3 (2009), and our rainbow baby girl DD1 (2017)
early m/c Jan 2013
Cycle #1 @ HRC (Oct 2014) - 6 retrieved, 4 mature, 3 fertilized and biopsied. 1XX and 1XY abnormal. 1XX no DNA found, rebiopsied and found normal, frozen.
FET attempt #1 (Nov 2014) - cancelled due to functional cyst. FET attempt #2 (Jan 30, 2015) - NT. Remaining embie failed to thaw.
May 2015 - started infertility treatments at OFC. Femara 2.5mg
July 2015 - BFP after second round of Femara. Aug 4 2015 -
6w4d
Dec 21 2015 -
mmc 7w1d
Apr 2016 - IVF Cycle #2. Converted to IUI because of uneven response and leading follicles.
Apr 19, 2016 - IUI with 3 mature follicles (2 right, 1 left), post wash: 17mil, 94% motility and 89% rapid motility. BFN.
June 3, 2016 -
5mg Femara cycle. 5w.
Sep 1, 2016 -
5mg Femara cycle. 8w.
Our rainbow baby girl arrived on Mon Aug 28, 2017 - "After every storm comes a rainbow". We are so thankful and grateful for every moment.
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August 6th, 2015, 10:04 AM
#13
Moderator
Oh holy hell does the world hate me this week.
I just got back from getting my blood drawn for a beta check. My clinic has a no-child policy. There was an 8 MONTH OLD BABY GIRL in the waiting room today. Why do I know this? Because people were busy cooing over her and I got the 'fun' of having to sit there and listen to 20 min of baby gurgles and giggles while I waited for my blood test to confirm my miscarriage.
Un. Fucking. Believable. I will be writing a complaint letter to the clinic. Seriously WTF did I ever do to deserve this?!? I did give her a pretty dirty glare coming in, and an even dirtier one when I was leaving, I think she did notice it. Good.
Me (38) and DH (38)
SAHM military momma to
DS1 (2004),
DS2 (who's all boy but loves to dance, though not in a tutu!) (2006),
DS3 (2009), and our rainbow baby girl DD1 (2017)
early m/c Jan 2013
Cycle #1 @ HRC (Oct 2014) - 6 retrieved, 4 mature, 3 fertilized and biopsied. 1XX and 1XY abnormal. 1XX no DNA found, rebiopsied and found normal, frozen.
FET attempt #1 (Nov 2014) - cancelled due to functional cyst. FET attempt #2 (Jan 30, 2015) - NT. Remaining embie failed to thaw.
May 2015 - started infertility treatments at OFC. Femara 2.5mg
July 2015 - BFP after second round of Femara. Aug 4 2015 -
6w4d
Dec 21 2015 -
mmc 7w1d
Apr 2016 - IVF Cycle #2. Converted to IUI because of uneven response and leading follicles.
Apr 19, 2016 - IUI with 3 mature follicles (2 right, 1 left), post wash: 17mil, 94% motility and 89% rapid motility. BFN.
June 3, 2016 -
5mg Femara cycle. 5w.
Sep 1, 2016 -
5mg Femara cycle. 8w.
Our rainbow baby girl arrived on Mon Aug 28, 2017 - "After every storm comes a rainbow". We are so thankful and grateful for every moment.
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August 6th, 2015, 10:27 AM
#14
Moderator
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August 6th, 2015, 10:34 AM
#15
Moderator
Me (38) and DH (38)
SAHM military momma to
DS1 (2004),
DS2 (who's all boy but loves to dance, though not in a tutu!) (2006),
DS3 (2009), and our rainbow baby girl DD1 (2017)
early m/c Jan 2013
Cycle #1 @ HRC (Oct 2014) - 6 retrieved, 4 mature, 3 fertilized and biopsied. 1XX and 1XY abnormal. 1XX no DNA found, rebiopsied and found normal, frozen.
FET attempt #1 (Nov 2014) - cancelled due to functional cyst. FET attempt #2 (Jan 30, 2015) - NT. Remaining embie failed to thaw.
May 2015 - started infertility treatments at OFC. Femara 2.5mg
July 2015 - BFP after second round of Femara. Aug 4 2015 -
6w4d
Dec 21 2015 -
mmc 7w1d
Apr 2016 - IVF Cycle #2. Converted to IUI because of uneven response and leading follicles.
Apr 19, 2016 - IUI with 3 mature follicles (2 right, 1 left), post wash: 17mil, 94% motility and 89% rapid motility. BFN.
June 3, 2016 -
5mg Femara cycle. 5w.
Sep 1, 2016 -
5mg Femara cycle. 8w.
Our rainbow baby girl arrived on Mon Aug 28, 2017 - "After every storm comes a rainbow". We are so thankful and grateful for every moment.
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August 6th, 2015, 10:41 AM
#16
Moderator
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August 6th, 2015, 10:49 AM
#17
Moderator
Me (38) and DH (38)
SAHM military momma to
DS1 (2004),
DS2 (who's all boy but loves to dance, though not in a tutu!) (2006),
DS3 (2009), and our rainbow baby girl DD1 (2017)
early m/c Jan 2013
Cycle #1 @ HRC (Oct 2014) - 6 retrieved, 4 mature, 3 fertilized and biopsied. 1XX and 1XY abnormal. 1XX no DNA found, rebiopsied and found normal, frozen.
FET attempt #1 (Nov 2014) - cancelled due to functional cyst. FET attempt #2 (Jan 30, 2015) - NT. Remaining embie failed to thaw.
May 2015 - started infertility treatments at OFC. Femara 2.5mg
July 2015 - BFP after second round of Femara. Aug 4 2015 -
6w4d
Dec 21 2015 -
mmc 7w1d
Apr 2016 - IVF Cycle #2. Converted to IUI because of uneven response and leading follicles.
Apr 19, 2016 - IUI with 3 mature follicles (2 right, 1 left), post wash: 17mil, 94% motility and 89% rapid motility. BFN.
June 3, 2016 -
5mg Femara cycle. 5w.
Sep 1, 2016 -
5mg Femara cycle. 8w.
Our rainbow baby girl arrived on Mon Aug 28, 2017 - "After every storm comes a rainbow". We are so thankful and grateful for every moment.
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August 6th, 2015, 02:04 PM
#18
Moderator
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August 6th, 2015, 02:53 PM
#19
Moderator
Thank you XX. Your support means so much!!
Okay my bloodwork is back, beta is 59. So it's official. In a way I'm relieved because it would be possibly very bad indeed if my beta was high but I was bleeding so much. At least ectopic or molar isn't a concern now.
I will be seeing my RE for followup next week.
Me (38) and DH (38)
SAHM military momma to
DS1 (2004),
DS2 (who's all boy but loves to dance, though not in a tutu!) (2006),
DS3 (2009), and our rainbow baby girl DD1 (2017)
early m/c Jan 2013
Cycle #1 @ HRC (Oct 2014) - 6 retrieved, 4 mature, 3 fertilized and biopsied. 1XX and 1XY abnormal. 1XX no DNA found, rebiopsied and found normal, frozen.
FET attempt #1 (Nov 2014) - cancelled due to functional cyst. FET attempt #2 (Jan 30, 2015) - NT. Remaining embie failed to thaw.
May 2015 - started infertility treatments at OFC. Femara 2.5mg
July 2015 - BFP after second round of Femara. Aug 4 2015 -
6w4d
Dec 21 2015 -
mmc 7w1d
Apr 2016 - IVF Cycle #2. Converted to IUI because of uneven response and leading follicles.
Apr 19, 2016 - IUI with 3 mature follicles (2 right, 1 left), post wash: 17mil, 94% motility and 89% rapid motility. BFN.
June 3, 2016 -
5mg Femara cycle. 5w.
Sep 1, 2016 -
5mg Femara cycle. 8w.
Our rainbow baby girl arrived on Mon Aug 28, 2017 - "After every storm comes a rainbow". We are so thankful and grateful for every moment.
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August 6th, 2015, 08:56 PM
#20
Lol, okay he should know what you want. That sucks about the baby being there.
Paint by numbers sounds therapeutic, and jewellery sounds good - maybe a charm bracelet with 2 special charms for them and one each for your boys? Or could hang something on a necklace (like a small ring charm?)
I think I am going to take up crotcheting or knitting (I was just on the library catalogue writing down some books and going in my lunch break today) think that will be a bit more productive than playing Candy Crush Soda in my spare time. I used to do jigsaw puzzles (mostly Anne Geddes baby ones mind you I have about a dozen gorgeous puzzles which I have done before in my ceiling) and cross-stitching as a teenager/20's. I'm going to keep some of the little baby girl outfits I pull out and play with, one day I might do foster care, if my kids ever get easier to look after - they are too much hard work atm.
Hope you are feeling ok and cramping not too bad. I often do the same thing if I wake at 4, couldn't get back to sleep.
07
09 (opposite shettles)
12 (failed sway)
Sway:
Apr 13
Nov 13
HT#1 cycle May 14 (SART) 1
XX but BFN from Aug 14 FET...we're going to HRC 2015, BFN Mar 15 also. 3 boys in my family- that's us!!
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So happy for you Treens, congratulations Sent from my SM-A225F using Tapatalk
Healthy baby girl :)