I'm back here in the loss section :(

[atomic sagebrush]

Mrs. Goodies I do want to assure you that low progesterone and "bad hormones" is falling out of favor amongst doctors as causes for miscarriage. The vast majority of the time the reason the prog drops is because the body has detected the chromosomal abnormality and is ending the pregnancy. All progesterone supps do in that case is drag out a pregnancy that is destined to end anyway (since most of these are incompatible with life). I mention this because I sometimes think doctors almost like to blame losses on something that is wrong with us instead of telling the truth which is most of the time it's nothing but bad luck.

[MrsGoodies]

Yes Atomic,

I was reading conflicting things about progesterone being able to prevent mscarriage and there are some bad things with it.

As for 'bad luck' I prefer SCIENCE over superstition and if a mc is tested then Dr can start telling me the cause. But it drove me batty when they would start spouting off this and that...basically guessing when after testing their original theories were proven wrong twice!

Bad luck sounds like it happened bc i let a black cat cross my path on the way to the u/s or something. I'd much prefer they say "sorry we dont know" over bad luck.

[atomic sagebrush]

Would you prefer random chance?

I prefer to use a term that takes the onus of responsibility OFF the woman who has just suffered a loss. "we don't know" causes people to then scrutinize their lives and everything they've done, thought, ingested, etc etc etc and think "was it this, was it that?" when no one will ever know. Sometimes miscarriages happen. We don't know why, but a good percentage of it IS random chance. The wrong sperm (of which everyone's partners make many) meets the wrong egg (of which we all have many), or something went wrong in development, or something went wrong when it implanted, and with about as much deliberateness as winning the lottery, we have a miscarriage.

The cold, hard, fact of the situation is that doctors do not know and will NEVER know the reason for most losses. They can test them and barring chromosomal abnormality - which IS random chance in the absolute truest sense of the word, since it can happen to any of us at any time. They don't know and will NEVER know. if testing gives you peace of mind, more power to ya (although I EMPHATICALLY agree that they have no idea what they are talking about most of the time and their speculation is incredibly hurtful to people sometimes) .

JMO but isn't unscientific to speak the truth that the majority of losses are nothing more than sheer poopiosity that could happen to any person at any time for NO reason whatsoever other than, ya know, bad luck.

[purple]

I don't have a problem with the term bad luck. That is probably what it was, just the wrong sperm and or the wrong egg or something else along the way. I think possibly having pcos also increases my odds of it happening. I read that it is uncommon to have 3 recurrent miscarriages except for women with pcos who have more odds of it happening, this makes me even more scared of the idea of trying again if I already have a higher chance of it happening again.

At the moment I can't decide what to do, I feel like I should at least stay on metformin until I decide for sure if we are going to try again or not but I'm also considering going on the pill while I decide. I'm not ready to go straight to getting a mirena just yet. I hate the idea of swaying or ttc at the moment but I also don't know if I want to just give up completely. I'm feeling pretty confused but I guess that is normal.

[Bella29]

Oh purple, so sorry for your loss. How devastating for you. Condolences. Fly free little one.


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[MrsGoodies]

Yes Atomic,

I think I would prefer "random chance" to "bad luck" because I agree with you that the onus should be OFF the woman who miscarried and the term "bad luck" really doesn't do that.

I suppose it depends on what is referenced with the phrase "bad luck". Some use the term flippantly to refer to chance events but others (such as members of my superstitious extended family) use the term in a way that the bad luck was brought on by what you did or didn't do. My family has all kinds of silly notions on what will bring on bad/evil things as if they can be controlled or prevented. I still remember one of my great aunts spitting on the bride as she walked down the isle to ward off bad spirits. It's one of the reasons I have learned NEVER to tell my family I am pg until I can't hide it anymore.

So yeah, when I hear someone tell me my m/c happened b/c of bad luck it makes my skin crawl. Random chance I can live with.

[girliedreamz]

I think focusing on a nice family vacation is a great idea.

I had technically 3 losses in a row a little over a year ago. One a 7 weeks, then a chemical (though my midwife refuses to call a chemical a loss, but I know it was one) the next cycle, then the next cycle got preg and lost again at 11 weeks. After that I felt I really needed a break from swaying, too, and wasn't sure I'd even try again. I waffled at lot over the next year, but finally decided to give it one more try about a year after the last loss. I fell preg with my long awaited girl on the first month of TTC. This time around I did a very minimal sway—femera (on the chance it could help egg quality) and 1 attempt. Not much else. I'm only 14 weeks in, so still crossing my fingers all turns out well, but so far so good.

Not saying you should try again AT ALL! You totally need to do what's right for you. But just know you don't have to make that decision right now. And there are a few women on here who have had several losses and gone on to have healthy babies. Hugs and know you're not alone. We feel ya.

[atomic sagebrush]

I'm sorry you experienced that stuff in your family. In every thread I answer I am trying to communicate with hundreds of people around the world and some of them are not native English speakers who may not even know what random chance even means.

I am sure you can understand that an individual's life experience is beyond my control and I cannot parse my words quite that closely to avoid any negative connotations that one individual may have.

I'm sorry that this was in some way upsetting to you.

[atomic sagebrush]

we have had people on here come back after 3,4,5 or even more miscarriages to have healthy babies.