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  1. #1
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    16 week loss.. ivf wrong gender.

    I'm so heart broken and not sure how to cope with my loss. We did IVF with pgs to get our little girl. I have Adenomyosis but I'm not sure if it contributed to our loss. My first transfer was a chemical. My second transfer was successful. This is going to sound crazy but from the beginning of the pregnancy I felt like this baby wouldn't come home alive. I remember telling my hubby about 10 weeks that I was having issues being excited because of this overwhelming feeling. I got diagnosed with a large SCH at 8 weeks. Had very heavy bleeding at 12 weeks where part of the plecenta started detaching. At 15 weeks I found out I had previa but it should go away and my sch was pretty much gone! We did a private ultrasound to confirm it was a girl. He couldn't see between the legs so went off the skull and said girl.. I was skeptical I wanted a potty shot lol I still was having issues getting excited and I felt sooo guilty. I thought once I made it to viability I could finally breath a sigh of relief.

    I had a strong feeling the baby would come early. We were hoping to making it to viability at 23 weeks. I felt so strongly the baby would make it to viability! At 16 weeks I felt weird. Super nauseous (not uncommon) but this weird pressure like something was trying to come out and contractions. I went to the restroom expecting blood but there was nothing. The next day I woke up super sick. I hadn't felt the baby move in 2 days so I decided to check with my doppler. I couldn't find the heart beat. Ultrasound confirmed no hb. 😭

    I delivered my baby at the hospital the next day. We were shocked to find out it was a baby boy! No matter the gender I still wanted this baby sooooo bad. Idk how to cope with his loss. Idk if my earlier feelings of the pregnancy not being viable is instinct or not. I feel sooo guilty I couldn't shake the feeling and be excited for the pregnancy. What if my stress and feeling like the baby wouldn't come home with me killed my baby!? We think the plecenta tearing away caused the baby to not get enough nutrients and he passed away. 💔
    ttc our first baby May 2014!!

    Failed sway resulted in an adorable baby boy. Perfect in every way
    Failed sway with another cute boy May 2016.
    Trying HT Feb, 2018 Hopefully it works!!

  2. #2
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    First of all I am so very sorry for your loss.

    How was the gender confirmed??
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  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush View Post
    First of all I am so very sorry for your loss.

    How was the gender confirmed??
    When I delivered him he looked 100% like a boy. My doctor felt very sure it was a boy not a girl. I think if it was a girl by 16 weeks the clit would be where it should be and you could tell it was a girl, right? Ironically pretty much every abnormal embryo was a boy. I'm not sure if they put in an abnormal boy embryo? I had 3 normal girls. 1 normal boy. We didn't send the baby off for testing because my Ob said it wasn't needed because we did pgs. Now I'm wishing we would have though.
    ttc our first baby May 2014!!

    Failed sway resulted in an adorable baby boy. Perfect in every way
    Failed sway with another cute boy May 2016.
    Trying HT Feb, 2018 Hopefully it works!!

  4. #4
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    You can't always tell by looking at that gestation and this is especially true if the baby has passed. It is far more likely a girl that just looked boyish due to swelling. Docs are not as good as you might expect with stuff like this and often make wrong guesses (this has unfortunately happened a few other times and some of them had done genetic testing and the PGD was correct, doc's guess was wrong). I mention this only to reassure you because I don't want you to go into another cycle worried that it's a PGD opposite because that is really quite rare. Anything is possible but please don't worry that this means your clinic shoudln't be trusted with your other embryos, because it's very very likely that they are all the gender they are supposed to be and you can safely transfer them. I just don't wnat you to feel you have to now start over with a whole nother clinic now without even knowing if this is true or not.
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  6. #5
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    Omg, this is so horribly tragic and I am so sorry.

    1. Let me stress -- your stress and feelings did NOT kill the baby.
    2. I do understand the feeling that you knew something was wrong, and I don't think it's weird. But also know for the future that sometimes stress can cloud our intuition!
    3. I think atomic was also wondering how gender was confirmed before transfer? I know I'm curious as to what genetic testing you guys did on embryos.

    I can say that genetic testing is definitely still imperfect. I'd ALMOST wonder if maybe the babe was intersex? It's possible (intersex people are more common than redheads!), and having both XX chromosomes be "pushed" to the placental wall where PGS/PGD testing is biopsied and have a baby present as boy. I am also unsure of loss rates on intersex babies, and perhaps that could have contributed to the loss?

    I am just so sorry. I look at your signature and wonder why some of us have such difficult journeys!

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  8. #6
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    No I was wondering about afterwards, because I"ve seen this situation arise a few times and just wanted to be able to reassure if this was a visual confirmation, since I"ve seen these be wrong before after PGD.
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  9. #7
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    I just wanted to say how terribly sorry I am for your loss. I wish you all the best.
    '12
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    🌈 '17 (LE sway opposite)

    Dreaming of pink through HT or adoption
    FET January 2021: 1 HBAA XX - BFN
    FET #2 August 2022: 1 HBAA XX - BFP!

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    I’m very sorry for your loss. Antomic is right. At that stage you can not always tell on the outside if it is a boy or a girl. I had a loss around the same period and the doctors didn’t want to tell me the gender because it was not reliable. It looked boyisch, but could be a girl aswell....

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  13. #9
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    Antomic Would you be ok with me sending you a picture to get your opinion? I only have one female embryo left. My hubby isn't very confident its a girl anymore because of this. He definitely doesn't trust the clinic anymore. He wants me to donate the embryo to someone else and just try naturally one more time. I don't know if I can handle someone else raising my little girl though. I really wish we had done testing to see if it was a girl. I am in no way ready to ttc any time soon. But I'm hoping I will be in January.
    Last edited by Etreintedouce; August 11th, 2018 at 02:42 PM.
    ttc our first baby May 2014!!

    Failed sway resulted in an adorable baby boy. Perfect in every way
    Failed sway with another cute boy May 2016.
    Trying HT Feb, 2018 Hopefully it works!!

  14. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bigpinkwish View Post
    I’m very sorry for your loss. Antomic is right. At that stage you can not always tell on the outside if it is a boy or a girl. I had a loss around the same period and the doctors didn’t want to tell me the gender because it was not reliable. It looked boyisch, but could be a girl aswell....
    I'm sorry for your loss. That is good to know thank you. The male looking part was very long/big so im not sure I could convince my hubby it could of been a girl.
    ttc our first baby May 2014!!

    Failed sway resulted in an adorable baby boy. Perfect in every way
    Failed sway with another cute boy May 2016.
    Trying HT Feb, 2018 Hopefully it works!!

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