Team Green but on the fence of finding out

[luvgabs]

I thought I really wanted to be team green this pregnancy.This will most likely be our last baby, I am high risk and had a horrible experience after the birth of my daughter. DH really wants a DS as does his side of the family, all girls for grandchildren. Well MIL and FIL are pushing for me to find out because "they really are hoping for a boy". I feel I'm under so much pressure to deliver a boy that I fear what will happen if I have a girl?! Ugh, I just don't know what to do and if I will be disappointed. I'm starting to think if I find out that I can prepare myself for how to deal with any neg comments about another girl, but really love the idea of being surprised at delivery. I feel not knowing may help me through the delivery. Anyone else in the same boat? Or have advice on how to deal with possible gender disappointment from family?

[Claire33]

I haven't been team green myself since I always need to know, to prevent having GD at birth. Then I get deal with all the negativity before birth, so when the baby comes the focus is on the baby rather than gender.

Try to post this on the Gender Desire forum, you might get some response there.

I'll send you all my blue dust, I have an abundance of it

[luvalittleman]

Luvgabs,
It sounds to me like you don't have a strong desire for either sex but are nervous about disappointing family members.
They probably don't see that it adds pressure to you but it may help you to realise that it is not personal. They won't be disappointed in you. They just have a strong desire for one of each as most people do. In saying that, it is not fair of them to express that expectation on you as it is terribly hard when you are feeling emotional and hormonal not to feel responsible (which you are not!).
Would you consider sending them a card (separate ones to DH and Granparents) letting them know that you will just be thrilled with a healthy baby and a safe delivery and that you are sure they understand that any expectations they express to you on delivering a particular sex makes you feel anxious.
If you want the surprise, then stay team green and allow yourself to be excited when they deliver the news on what you had. Your daughter will want a sister, your husband a son. Just remember, you will never please anyone nor should you have to.
Good luck.

[luvgabs]

I haven't been team green myself since I always need to know, to prevent having GD at birth. Then I get deal with all the negativity before birth, so when the baby comes the focus is on the baby rather than gender.

Try to post this on the Gender Desire forum, you might get some response there.

I'll send you all my blue dust, I have an abundance of it

Thank you!

[luvgabs]

Luvgabs,
It sounds to me like you don't have a strong desire for either sex but are nervous about disappointing family members.
They probably don't see that it adds pressure to you but it may help you to realise that it is not personal. They won't be disappointed in you. They just have a strong desire for one of each as most people do. In saying that, it is not fair of them to express that expectation on you as it is terribly hard when you are feeling emotional and hormonal not to feel responsible (which you are not!).
Would you consider sending them a card (separate ones to DH and Granparents) letting them know that you will just be thrilled with a healthy baby and a safe delivery and that you are sure they understand that any expectations they express to you on delivering a particular sex makes you feel anxious.
If you want the surprise, then stay team green and allow yourself to be excited when they deliver the news on what you had. Your daughter will want a sister, your husband a son. Just remember, you will never please anyone nor should you have to.
Good luck.

Thank you for the response. I really do just want a healthy baby, especially because of my past history I am so thankful to even be blessed with getting pregnant again and having the opportunity of having another child. I've tried to explain to my DH's side that I really want to be surprised to help me get through the delivery and the pregnancy itself since I had such a hard time with my daughter and I'm high risk this pregnancy. Honestly, they just don't get it. I understand they have 3 granddaughters and wish for a grandson, but they also have two more children that will be giving them grandchildren one day soon as well. I just wish I could get more support during the pregnancy from them. Especially since there are so many risk factors during this one. I've started to just accept they have their GD and as for my husband I know in the end he will be happy with a healthy baby no matter what. Thank you again for your supportive response. I appreciate it!