Can I do this? (name issue)

Hiya girlies.

This might be a bit confusing, so bear with me.

Every since expecting my DS1 my OH and I have agreed on one name for a girl: Alys. It's our dream name and what we always imagined a DD would be called.

Now, I have two half sisters. Same mum, not same dad. My youngest sister L is 15 years old and has lived with her dad since she was 2 years old and since then I have hardly seen her. After L (15y) and M (20y) dad divorced our mum things have gone downhill with our mum and after a long, nasty court battle L was send to live with her dad while M was ordered to stay with our mum. When I was 15 years I moved to my dad and was banned from my mums house.

So, for the last 13 years I've barely seen L. But we do talk occasionally on Facebook! I talk to our sister M daily. We grew up together and supported each other and I have more of a bond with her (please don't think I'm nasty or cruel - it was my sister L's saving grace she grew up with her dad, she may have missed out on having all her sisters, but she has a close bond with M and a happier, safe childhood - which we didn't have!).

Now, to the point. M & L's paternal grandmother's middlename is Alice and my 15 year old sister has recently expressed a wish to name her future daughter Alice-Isabel. And my sister M effectively 'banned' me from using Alys for 'our' daughter and said L would be very angry if I did.

I understand the sentimental value of the name, but considering we hardly see each other (I haven't seen M or L for over 4 years now and it's not going to be possible for either of us to travel for some years yet).

Now, we've settled on another name - but considering we could possible have twins, would it be completely heartless if we name one of them Alys?

My OH and i had talked that as my sister is so young she may well change her mind + if she doesn't and she names her daughter Alice, then our Alys would just be "Aly" in the family. I dunno.. it's difficult.. =/ my friends and in-laws say they don't think it's a problem. But what do you think?

Silly question...are Alys and Alice pronounced the same? At any rate, that's a tough one! Are you more worried about hurting M & L's feelings?

It is very common in families to have sibblings or even cousins use the same name for their children. Usually it is the grandfather or great grandfathers name. It can be tricky, but in time people get used to it. If it is spelled differently and you have a different last name it helps. Nicknames help also, and some may go by their middle name. You hardly see your half sister. If this is your dream name use it. From what you wrote there may be years in between your dd and hers IF she has any. When the dust settles, just write her a note or talk to her and tell her it was your dream name and that it really is ok if it is her dream name too. I am sure "alice" would be honored.

In English, yes - but not in my native language! i and y are pronounced very differently in Danish. The ending 'lys' means light in my native tongue - I don't think I can explain the pronunciation and I can't find it online. It's pronounce a-LYS, so the pressure is in the back, where as Alice in Danish is pronounced as AH-lees (quick ending on the 's' - like sees with a 'L' in front) with the pressure in the front. (makes sense?!)

So In English, same name - not in Danish!

Well, I'm more worried about P'ing them off. They do have an extra ordinary temper both of them! It's quite impressive to watch really!

She's 15. I had names back then too but I certainly wouldn't have been hurt if one of my distant relatives used one of them. I wouldn't worry much about it.

Well now that you've explained it (and I do get it, btw, lol)...I find myself in love with the name Alys as well! It's beautiful...I think you should keep it, and like a PP said, if M or L ever raised it just explain that you have always liked it, and just because L was the first to mention wanting it doesn't mean she gets the rights to it.

I know! It's just.. well they are increasingly putting their "right" on names - like Lucca, Christopher, Nicholas, Nanali, Gabriel, Isabel are all off-limits as those are names they like and want for their children, which I've respected when naming my other two (despite Nicholas being very high on my OHs list). But I just feel like I gotta draw the line somewhere! I "got" Noah which both M and I liked - but both L & M are years away from having children, so it kinda sucks for me to forego my dream name because they may/may not have a child with that name. I just don't know how to sort of explain that to them without P'ing them off because I do get the sentimental value - but when we hardly see each other, it just seems a bit pointless.. Our children won't exactly meet more than maybe every few years, if that! (neither L nor M have seen my youngest who has just turned two for example).

One thing I have learned.. if you have a dream name between you and DH.. totally and always keep it to yourself until baby is born.. DH and I have had ours reserved since we met, and it will remain that way. But because of us thinking we were carrying girls while we were pregnant we divulged the name several times. My SIL pulled a cruel trick on me (this is the one I no longer speak to because she's caused far too much drama in my life-and his brother is divorcing her anyway) She had a daughter and her second name choice ended up (ironically) being the one I named DS#2. I did not remember that until AFTER DH and I decided on the name because it was trendy and on a popular tv show I was watching. I found out later she was furious once she got pregnant with a daughter again and wanted to use her second name choice.. Anyways one day she texted me and tried twice asking.. if you ever had a girl what was that name you were going to name her? And I remained silent. Then 2 weeks later she texted me and said "We finally decided on the name we are going to name our daughter _________..... because it is SO Beautiful!" I just couldn't believe it.. that person in the family (DH's sister) disclosed the name to her and it turned into a BIG fight.. her husband called mine claiming they've had it picked out for awhile and got it off a tv show as well.. and telling us we had no right to claim the name especially since it wasn't set in stone we would ever even have a daughter. Well... DH responded to him "That's okay, you're right.. you can name her that.. and we are still naming our future daughter that." It shut him up immediately. And when they went to the hospital to deliver my MIL saw names on a board of possible choices and ours wasn't there.. and she confronted her about it since it was such a huge issue.. and she said to her "Oh, we were never really considering that name!" And at the gender reveal party my MIL retold the story to the entire family. Because they weren't there.. because they are getting a divorce.
I'm nervous lately.. DH's cousin is expecting a 3rd girl and DH's sis's hubby asked what we were naming our daughter on Thanksgiving... I just pray ... and pray that they don't use our name.
We have two middle names picked out that we have told absolutely no one but my mom and sister who aren't going to spread it around.

The ironic thing is... my SIL's mom has an obsession with DS#1 and had her daughter name her son his name...
And... my Aunt-in-law.. I was talking about the one with GBBBBBG she also has an obsession with DS#1 and encouraged her son to name their son...after ours.
It's just a frustrating thing to me, and it can turn out viciously..

I believe you guys should use your dream name. And Ally is gorgeous for short!

She's 15 Hun. You can't claim a name at 15 years old. she shouldn't even be thinking about kids yet. I know you don't want to upset your family but the chances are you would lose out on your dream name and when she's a lot older she won't even use the name herself. X

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Originally Posted by 3boys

She's 15 Hun. You can't claim a name at 15 years old. she shouldn't even be thinking about kids yet. I know you don't want to upset your family but the chances are you would lose out on your dream name and when she's a lot older she won't even use the name herself. X

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I thought the exact same thing... She's gonna change her mind a million times just like everything else you do at 15..and hopefully she's nowhere near that age when she gets pregnant!!!!!

I would just forget everyone else and use your dream name. I'd still use my dream name even if my cousin had used it this year for her 2nd DD. Not that I think she had it in mind, but you never know!
Anyway, who's to say that your sis doesn't have 2/3/4 boys and never gets to use the name! Go for it and don't worry too much.
Crikey, when I think of the names I adored when I was that age....!!!! :giggle:

I don't understand the whole "claiming a name" concept. When you have a baby, you get to name it. If you are years and years away from having a baby, you shouldn't be worried about it! I think you have gone above and beyond by avoiding boys' names they have mentioned they like. I think they are being ridiculous. Doesn't your opinion matter? Why do they get to "claim" all the names?? You are the one with actual children! I know you don't want to upset them, but given how you rarely see them, I would just go ahead and use the names you like without giving it a second thought. I simply cannot imagine someone telling me I can't use a name because their *possible* future child *may* have that name. I do think that once a child in a family is given a name, it could be rude to use it on a another child, but it depends on the situation and how often they see each other, and whether nicknames could be used. Alys is a lovely name and I think you should use it if given the opportunity.

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Originally Posted by jennaesue

I do think that once a child in a family is given a name, it could be rude to use it on a another child, but it depends on the situation and how often they see each other, and whether nicknames could be used.

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Good point Jennasue. My cousin lives 5 hours away and we only see each other maybe once a year usually at family events. Thankfully, it wasn't an issue anyway.

I totally agree with you though, fair enough if you were pg at same time as your sisters and were all discussing names. But, you're the only one likely to be in the immediate future, so I don't think it should be an issue. It sounds as if they are just trying to throw their weight around, which is daft!

Oh God.. the names I liked when I was 15 was probably pretty cringe worthy lol!

I don't tell people the names I like anymore either! I had a simillar experience when I was expected DS2.

I met this girl with the same due date as me. First baby, also a boy. At first she was adamant he was going to be called dominic. Then when we met we discussed names and I told her DS2s full name and a week later she txt me saying she'd changed her mind - her son was now going to have exactly the same name as DS2, even middlename! I was a bit .. eh ok! Well we then gave birth, her two days after me and were put in the same room, were she revealed, surprise surprise, her son was having the exact same name as my DS1, incl middlename, and she was reserving DS2s name for her 'next' son. Little bit creepy! Since then I've kept silent about names =/

I just really dislike drama! I hate the fuss... when we had to pick our sons names there was such a fuss! We couldn't use Samuel and Gabriel for various reasons, Sophia is the name of a girl who once had an affair with a boyfriend of a friend of a friend of my SiLs (wat!?).. I could keep going on like that! We finally named DS2 Noah and that made a huge fuss, because apparently my sister M and my OH sister both wanted that name for their son, despite my SiL never wanting children, never having had a boyfriend and couldn't be further from the baby making stage and my own sis was 18 at the time.. blergh! Just hate drama. I just want to name my baby what I want and get on with it instead of having a huge fuss..=/ if they want a Noah and an Alice in the future, by all means, be my guest!

Sorry about that Tiggerian, that must have been creepy! :(

Drama with the baby names just sucks! I never imagined it would go so far from my end.

I know!! It's like, no one OWNS a name - I'm well aware of that as well! Say my SiL had had a boy before me then her boy would've been Noah and we'd have found another name. No fuss! I wouldn't have kicked off about it. But in general I just think people can be so rude about names - Not just possesive, but negative comments or snide remarks. We can't all have the same name taste and thank God for individuality. If we were all Laura's and Ben's it would be one boring (and confusing) world!

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Originally Posted by Tiggerian

I know!! It's like, no one OWNS a name - I'm well aware of that as well! Say my SiL had had a boy before me then her boy would've been Noah and we'd have found another name. No fuss! I wouldn't have kicked off about it. But in general I just think people can be so rude about names - Not just possesive, but negative comments or snide remarks. We can't all have the same name taste and thank God for individuality. If we were all Laura's and Ben's it would be one boring (and confusing) world!

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Exactly, and that's why my DH responded to her DH in that way.. letting them know.. yes, that's okay.. but we are still naming our daughter the name we've chosen.
But I agree with you... woman are trying to become more and more creative in the struggle to stay unique in naming their offspring.

Danni Minogue stole DS2's name!!!!! :rofl: At least we got there a year before so we can't be accused of following celeb trends!

Your pregnant she's not Its your decision what you name your child. iF YOU HAVE ALWAYS LOVED THIS NAME AND WERE TO SETTLE ON SOMETHING ELSE YOU WOULD NEVER TRULY be happy

Shaaame on Danni!! Have to admit I actively try to steer clear of celeb names - When ever I mention that I like Alys people go "Oh so ur a Twilight fan!?" eh.. no.. I just happen to like the name, ty!

When did naming our brood become this difficult!? I remember naming DD when I was 17 (shocker, I know!) and the community grp I was put in (all mums under 18) were all about picking the most unique name! It just seemed so much easier for our parents - they picked the name they liked and were done with it. Didn't care for top 50s or uniqueness. Just likeability. =/

She's 15. Do what you want.

When i was little i always dreamed i would have a little girl named Elizabeth, my grand mothers name and i loved it. Dh hates it with a passion as he worked with a Liz who was horrible and he won't get over that - point is opinions change, things change with fashion and partners have ideas that need to be accounted for to. Just cause she likes that name does not mean a she will have a girl, b her dh will like it and c she won't change her mind when she grows up.

If you love your name, use it. Even if they are annoyed they'll get over it, this is your family and after all you have been through you deserve to name your daughter whatever you want, they should be happy for you

Thank you Mrs P! That's really nice - and you are totally right! I don't know alot of people who name their kids the names they loved at 15 years of age!

I love that name Alys, its yours, use it!

What about Alyssa/Alysa? Then it would be far enough away from Alice. I would explain to the 15-year old beforehand that you love this name and you don't want to "rain on her parade" by choosing a name similar to Alice-isabel. She might feel honored that you chose to confide in her with your name-choice and involve her in your decision. She might never even have a girl, so I would say go for it.

I have to admit I don't really like Alyssa. We considered Alicia too - but I don't really like them. I'd rather find something else then.

I don't really know what she'd feel, but I would definitely tell her if I ever got to have a daughter. Might be me who never have one! Or might be my OH who suddenly turns 180 degrees and decides not to like it anymore.. I hope not, but dear me.. I'm not looking forward to crossing that bridge!

Well if you don't take it...I might! lol

Hahaha Anchor - if you want to name your daughter Alys YOU CANT! ITS MINE! >_< Might go on a Gollum trip here :nyd:

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Originally Posted by Tiggerian

I know!! It's like, no one OWNS a name - I'm well aware of that as well! Say my SiL had had a boy before me then her boy would've been Noah and we'd have found another name. No fuss! I wouldn't have kicked off about it. But in general I just think people can be so rude about names - Not just possesive, but negative comments or snide remarks. We can't all have the same name taste and thank God for individuality. If we were all Laura's and Ben's it would be one boring (and confusing) world!

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After having a rough time with getting people's opinions on ds2's name (I wanted to name him Charles, with Charlie for short, but MIL objected strongly and told us how much she HATED Charles because it reminded her of Charles Manson. So my dh decided he didn't like either. Only later did I find out that, oh, in fact, she really likes Charlie, but not Charles....ugh!) we did not tell anyone except our boys the name we picked for ds3, and we plan to do the same with this baby. I don't want other people's ideas to influence our decision.

I would do what you want it's your baby you chose the name you and dh want. Your sisters are young, and making to much of a deal of something that is not a big deal at all. Nothing stopping you sister using the name also.

Yeah, I just know that our culture can be a bit funny about a name.

For example,

Say I had a girl on facebook I went to school with - despite never really being friends with her, and not having seen her for years, some would consider it rude if she named her baby the same as one of my sons.

Now In my opinion that's silly. But some people do get really anal and uptight about names and find it a complete no-no to use a name a friend, sister, cousin or acquaintance also likes.

Okay...when I was 15 I swore I was going to have a daughter and name her andromeda. Like the galaxy. And I would call her Andi for short.

Fast forward ten years, that name has never once graced DH and my list of names. I don't love it any more. DH hates it (duh, it's weird!) and our tastes have changed. She doesn't even know what her husband thinks about it. He could have dated an Alice who turned out to be a man. Or went to school with an isobel who was know for tramping around and he has a bad connotation with the name. No such thing as "claiming" names...especially at that age. I would take it more seriously if she were your age, producing children and her husband agreed to the name. But she is a kid who has no idea what the future holds.

Not to mention, I have two cousins, full-sisters who see each other weekly at least. They named their son the same name. It's a family name and they both wanted to include it in their sons name. So one had a Blake Maddex and they call him Max. One has a Blake Alexander and they call him Blake. Clearly they worked it out fine. And Alice-isobel and Alys are not really that close anyway. Do what you want!!

My exH name is Jesse... His cousin who is 6mths older than him is Jessica. They live very close and see each other often.. His and her Mom (sisters) are very very close.. My step sister and her half sister have son name Aiden. No issues.

I agree with a pp about not disclosing names. I would only disclose my names if no one close to me was pregnant and could use the name before me. Use your dream name! They can not forbid u to use any certain name and especially if they aren't even close to having kids. And you have to choose a name you love for your kids, not one that "eh I guess this will do". There's a lot to a name. I have learned with this pregnancy I am keeping the name to myself, not even my husband will know definite name until baby is born because NO ONE is gonna steal my thunder. It takes a lot to find a name!

Babycakes - How does that work with your DH? Doesn't he mind that much? My DH vetoes everything!!!

I really want a boy to be Jasper this time and he just completely vetoes it, but the only other name he likes is Maximillian - which, I'm sorry to say, is a bit too 'posh' for me. Plus our surname is Miller.. Maximillian Miller is a bit of a tongue twister.

My DH says to use Alys/Alice too. He wants the proper spelling of it and doesn't see the issue. Especially as we don't live in the same country, dont speak that much and hardly ever see each other.

my friend who is pregnant came over yesterday and we talked about her names for a baby and she said they only really liked 1 boys name but couldnt use it as he friend also liked it ( her friend isnt even pregnant and last year liked the name william ) so i said stuff it if you like george call him george ( if its a boy) i really believe she will have a girl though as she already has 1 boy and is the sort to get a perfect boy girl family like our other friends who is also pregnant ( with a girl after boy)
Its going to be only me with all boys
Anyway back to the subject if you like it and your baby is first call it what the hell u like.

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Originally Posted by Tiggerian

Babycakes - How does that work with your DH? Doesn't he mind that much? My DH vetoes everything!!!

I really want a boy to be Jasper this time and he just completely vetoes it, but the only other name he likes is Maximillian - which, I'm sorry to say, is a bit too 'posh' for me. Plus our surname is Miller.. Maximillian Miller is a bit of a tongue twister.

My DH says to use Alys/Alice too. He wants the proper spelling of it and doesn't see the issue. Especially as we don't live in the same country, dont speak that much and hardly ever see each other.

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It's my Ex-husband.... Lol There's never been any talk on that since I've known him (14 years). No one even mentions it or says "that's weird". I had a convo with his mom about names and she said she loved the name Jesse and didn't care what anyone said or whatever... That was the name she liked and that was that. IMO when it comes to a name pick one you love! At some point your child will ask why you choose that name and what other names you wanted ect. I wanted to be able to say because I love your name! Plus you will be saying it A LOT! Idk what people would say, for instance my youngest is named Damon Edward... People always say " wow you named your son after two vampires?!" And the truth is NO! I've loved the name Damon since Damon Wayne's (even though Damon Salvatore is so freaking HOTT!) and Edward was my DH grandfather who passed away when I was pregnant with him. I guess my point is that everyone is going to have some sort of opinion, (they're like a**holes,everyone has one) that's why I'm keeping my name to myself until this one is born. I don't care to hear what people think.

I watch 90210 and one of the character is Max Miller...honestly I love the name... Not to crazy about Maximilian though but again that's just my opinion. There can be a compromise... you can put together pieces of paper with your complete names (all variations) and he can do his and put them in a hat and pick one. The only way that will work is if they're names that you both could live with... And express to him because I have to do this with my DH ALL the time, that these are SUGGESTIONS, not for sure names and he can't veto every single one! (Unless he truly hates them that much) KWIM? Sometimes it's a first reaction to say "OMG NO!" But maybe if you say I'll think about it, he might start too.

Well to be honest, I think I'll get my way in the end if its another boy. He really isn't that fussed as long as its a 'normal' name. He just likes to be difficult. Last night for example I read out names from a namebook - he said no to all of them! Seriously, not a single name in an entire BOOK he said yes too... Thank God I'm not pregnany yet or I think I'd gone on a hormonella trip lol!

A boy will have his brothers name as middlename too - which is why I'm pushing for a name I really like. He is really close to him, so wants to honour him and thats fine. But dang it then I want to pick the first name lol :P

I say go with Alice too, first in best dressed :)

If she had a child already with that name then i wouldn't use it but id say whoever has a dd first is fair game

I agree with what others have said, she is 15. Who is to say she will have children, let alone a DD and if she does, her child will be nowhere near yours in age. If you like the name, your OH likes it too, go for it. It is hard enough to pick a name both people like let alone worry about what other people think.

My ex SIL asked me my baby girl name when we were both pregnant. I made the mistake of telling her honestly and when she had her DD three months before I was due, she called her DD the name I had chosen. Luckily I had a DS anyway and since then my taste in names has changed. Also, now she is my ex SIL I no longer see her or her DD. She was the brand of crazy to do it deliberately so I really wasn't shocked.

My DH has two first cousins with the same name (so three sisters all gave their sons the same first name). It's a family name and nobody cares, all of them have a different nickname anyway.