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I think this is absolutely true and pertains to so many things outside of gender, like academics, sports performance, even uncontrollable things like physical appearance or milestones, but I think it is also one of the most common ways to screw up a kid so I try to think about my relationship with my kids in terms of their needs. I think most people do it in one way or another but I don't like memes that encourage people to do it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Throwaway_panther
my oldest son turned 25 years old today. I will tell you that he is truly one of my dearest friends (and not in a weird, clingy way) and I cannot imagine being any closer to a girl than I am to my two adult sons. :)
When your boys are little it's hard to imagine the great people they are going to grow up into. But it does happen! Your sons are going to become amazing people and you will feel so lucky and blessed to be a part of their lives.
When your IL's try to bring ya down, just remember that you know a secret truth about the world that they will never understand. It's actually kind of sad for them that they don't know how precious the mother son relationship can be, and that they are just that mean - can't imagine. Wouldn't want to live like that!!
Living well and savoring the life you have is the best "revenge" because it brings you joy instead of bitterness.
There's a lot of religion on this forum?
:think:
Don't think so.
We have people here from around the world from 6 continents and all different belief systems and we all get along pretty darn well. Some people occasionally mention the G word but it's minimal compared to many other sites.
Hate to be nitpicky but I find all it takes to cause trouble on the Internet is a planting of an untrue idea.
:agree: A LOT LOT LOT of people let their relationships with their kids get ruined because of unchangeable things OTHER than gender, like lack of academic achievements, sports, etc.Quote:
Originally Posted by trifecta
In a lot of ways I worry that maybe sometimes, gender disappointment is kind of a "gateway drug" for "parent" disappointment if we aren't very judicious about it. (not everyone, not trying to generalize, just food for thought) What if a person goes thru all this and then gets a kid with the right "junk" but then it still isn't "the dream" coming true.
Examples: I was a very homely child, bookworm, unpopular, and my parents were chronically underwhelmed by me. My mom was super popular and a cheerleader and my dad was just very into achievement and expected nothing less than the best in every arena. They were never happy with anything I did (entirely aside from my gender).
My stepdad was obsessed with sports and told a marriage counselor that was one of the main reasons why his marriage did not work out, because his kids did not like sports and he felt they had nothing in common.
My husband had a weird kind of gender disappointment where he really wanted another "more manly" boy, after our first two, who are very nice kids but more "artsy fartsy" types.
My sister in law is single by choice. My mother in law kept telling me "those dreams you have of your daughter may not come true even if you do get a girl". (little did she know I had no dreams other than just having one.)
Even me myself, my 4th son is the most like me and the most like the "dream kid" that I thought I would get. I kind of lost sight of that when he was little because I was so focused on girl, girl, girl - but I could have totally missed out on him!! He had so much to bring into my life, things that I had always hoped for - but he wasn't a girl. I could have spent a life of disappointment mourning a daughter, and missed out on this "dream kid".
All these are perfectly nice people - none of them meant to let their "dream children" dictate their relationships with their kids, it just happened. Gender disappointment makes this a lot more tangible - we can't have the dream if we don't get the "right" kid - but what if you get the "right" kid and the dream still doesn't come true?? What then?? Do we live the rest of our lives disappointed that "Pinkglittersparkledust" or "Manlymacksweatyjockstrap" don't live up to the hype?
Real life is not a meme, the kids you get (either your DG or not) are going to be little people with their own lives and agendas and fulfilling OUR dreams may not be that terribly important to them. Gender disappointment can be an opportunity to wrestle with that stuff before the kiddos arrive, or it can be, like I said, a kind of gateway drug where we spend sooo much time obsessing over this dream child that no actual kid could ever live up to it.
I hope people with both sons and daughters aren't posting this because if so that's pretty shitty. Honestly if my MIL posted that I'd be pretty upset because I'd hate to think she feels she has some special friendships with her daughters over her sons (specifically my husband cause he's pretty awesome)
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My MIL totally favors her daughter over my husband, it's a little sad actually. My SIL has 2 daughters who my MIL also favors which sucks for my boys, who rarely see her even though we all live within 10 miles. I want to add a daughter to our family but I could never ever imagine letting that affect the incredible love I have for my boys.Quote:
Originally Posted by lindz
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Thank you for all of the responses, I really appreciate it. Family is very important to me and it just really hurt. It is just another lesson on the type of MIL that I do not want to be when my boys marry. It really should be about love and family first and foremost, that's what I will try to do.
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