Begonia's Boy Sway

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Originally Posted by begonia

Thank you Zanacal!!! That really, really encourages me. I keep thinking I'm only going to like the surprise if it is what I want, KWIM? Love hearing your experience; makes me think it will be fun no matter what the outcome :happy:

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I found out for my first 2 kiddos-(only technically the first....with DS2 I saw his penis on the u/s..it was very obvious!) and with DS3 I decided against u/s for my entire pregnancy. I was so undecided all the way up to 20 weeks but beyond that point i was totally at peace with the decision. I knew it was going to be a girl. I just KNEW it! I even bought a cute little dress to take pics of her in and send out the next am! When I was in labour all I could think about was the fact that I was going to meet my daughter for the first time in a short while.....an hour later(I have short labours) I pushed out my baby and pulled him up out of the water(homebirth). I just held baby in my arms, soaking up the sights for a full 2 minutes before I took a peak to see what we had:) By the time I looked, I was in love with my baby~ It ended up being a boy of course but I had no GD at all at the birth. I really do feel that not finding out is better for me. I have no GD during the pregnancy and I know that no matter what, I will love that sweet little baby. It wasn't until my little guy was about 3mos old that I began thinking about DC#4. It wasn't so much GD because he was a boy...just that I needed to try one more time:)
Anyway....that's my story...I won't be finding out this time obviously and I'm so excited about that amazing surprise at the end:)

What a great story there DM, that totally helps me out so thank you for sharing! :kiss: I have a total crush on the ladies in this forum, for real ... such a great place for support.

I have to stay strong on this surprise thing because it really does sound worth it in the end :bigsmile:

See, I can't decide.

I live in another country, but will be home after I find out the gender (if I do). I feel like it would be WAY more convenient to know so that I can either bring back DD clothes or buy DS clothes. What would you do? Grandmothers can bring DD clothes if it is a girl though...

Hmmm.

Spicy did you find out with DD1? And will you have more kids? For me I know for sure this is our last one, so it is my (and DH's) last chance to ever have the experience of a surprise at birth.

It is definitely easier for planning purposes to go ahead and find out!

I didn't find out with DD- though I suspected it was she because we dtd 9 times daily to conceive her and no eggwhite- just watery.

I did obsess worrying that it would be a dd. I love her to pieces, but I am afraid of finding out at a birth too. I do remember having tiny tiny amounts of GD when she was a newborn, but not a lot, and it faded.

I just feel like there is a lot of pressure to have a ds in my dh's family. My SIL is due before me and if she has a DS, I will struggle, but if I know I have a DS I will enjoy it more for her, IYKWIM?

And, no this won't be our last, probably at least 1-2 more.

See if you've already had the experience and know how you felt having done that... I would be more inclined to try finding out this time, since that will be a different experience for you.

Though I do worry like you said that I'll still have twinges of GD even once the baby arrives :worry:

And if you'll be having more then you'll know which way you liked it: finding out, or birthday surprise.

Yes, with DD, I was 90% sure she was a girl. I also didn't see a convincing nub, though my friend had a ds after I saw the girliest nub around (I must not be very good at it- the back was curved). So, I did have time to mourn during the pg. I was at more peace at it when she was born. I really didn't have any hope it was a boy by that point.

It wasn't that hard waiting- but if we do find out, we won't tell anyone that we did. If boy, shout it to the world, if girl, privately keep it a secret. :)

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Originally Posted by SpicyTunaSushi

See, I can't decide.

I live in another country, but will be home after I find out the gender (if I do). I feel like it would be WAY more convenient to know so that I can either bring back DD clothes or buy DS clothes. What would you do? Grandmothers can bring DD clothes if it is a girl though...

Hmmm.

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do you have anoything neutral? just buy those if you want to keep it a surprise. ppl at my shower for DD1 were pissed that i didnt find out bc it is hard to find neutral clothes these days they say! haha
i personally LOVED the surprise and felt it was worth. in the betgnning of DD2's pg i had the same feelings as DD1 so i thought great another girl. butthru out the rest of the pgcy, it was diff (carried diff, diff food cravings, etc). and i thought i even saw a penis on one of the many u/s's i had. guess i was wrong. but when DH shouted out "its another girl!" during birth, i could care less, the epidural didnt work, and i wanted it OUT and when i held her she was beautiful. then once we got home and i was rushing to get her ready and DD1 (about a week or 2 later, when DH was back at work) i was like, this is exactly the same thing, wtf. wiping a vagina again. same ol' sh*t. same clothes.
but that lasted maybe a few hours at a time for a week or two. andi cant tell you how guilty i felt. and dh is right, i give DD2 a LOT more leeway for things than i did with DD1, but i always felt like it was bc she knew she was #2 and probly felt neglected.
today she is the light of my life (not the username on here!!!)

and when i started swaying adn reading info, i was worried that i would feel that GD if this #3 was a girl. but after reading ppls posts on here and thinking about it, i mentally pic myself with 3 girls and im ok. and then i read about that post that daisy posted about the girl being beaten to death and im grateful even more.

but this #3 is dh's compromise to my wanting 4 (unless we win the lottery, thats the deal), so if it is my last, i think i ill ask the tech to just show me and ill guess. then ask her to tell me its a boy regardless. jk, i think im just so sick of eating and eating and this diet and keeping track of this and that and being strict, etc that i just want to try already and be pg the first shot!! and i want to see if before hand if it is all worth it. buti dont plan on telling DH either way. id love for him to be surprised in the D room.

This is so great and really making me want to wait! Gizmo I know what you mean about not telling DH either way ... if I do happen to see some kind of nub or something on the later u/s that leads me either way I won't be sharing that information with him. He has ALWAYS wanted a surprise baby so I wouldn't want to spoil that!

I waver about if I will feel GD. I will say my two girls could not be more different (even how they dress) so I am sure a 3rd would also bring new things to the table. I think I might have some down days until the 3rd really got her personality showing. But who knows? I really hope I can just delight in having one more healthy bean :-)

I won't pretend I didn't have any GD when DS3 was a newborn - but not immediately and certainly not in the delivery room! I remember being tearful a few times over the possibility of never having a daughter but I didn't start planting the seed in DH's mind about potentially having a 4th for quite some time and I never in a million years thought he'd actually agree to it! My DS2 was born at home and he was poorly when he was born. He didn't gasp for air for 5 minutes and didn't start trying to breath regularly for 15 minutes so we were rushed to hospital and he was in SCBU for 3 days. There was nothing permanent wrong with him but it was a terrifying experience and I wanted the moments after DS3's birth to be entirely different and not knowing if it was a boy or girl up until that point made it more special. As I'm writing this I'm thinking I'd love to have a surprise again - but after all this effort trying to sway I just don't know if I could hold out, and DH prefers to know too. It's a difficult choice!

I agree on the neutral clothes Spicy - there's nothing cuter than a newborn in a white sleepsuit :D

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Originally Posted by zanacal

I agree on the neutral clothes Spicy - there's nothing cuter than a newborn in a white sleepsuit :D

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esply when old ppl say ohh look at that boy! (when its a girl) or vice versa. actually even if they are wearing pink some ppl still called some of my kids boys.
thanks for sharing your story. that just breaks my heart reading it!! i cant imagine going thru it. good for you guys for coming out strong and healthy!

Thank you gizmo, it took a long time to feel better about and having another baby was definitely very healing. DH would never, ever agree to another homebirth though! You're right about the white sleepsuit too - add pink or blue hat as appropriate (and still have people say the opposite)!

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Originally Posted by begonia

What a great story there DM, that totally helps me out so thank you for sharing! :kiss: I have a total crush on the ladies in this forum, for real ... such a great place for support.

I have to stay strong on this surprise thing because it really does sound worth it in the end :bigsmile:

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You're welcome:) It gets easier too...(the not knowing part, that is) so by the time you're 25 weeks I found that I had come so far NOT knowing that I didn't want to ruin the surprise at that time. I don't think you'll regret it B:)

Z- I'm so sorry that things went badly at your birth:( Some babies are slow starters and from the research I've done so far, your little guy may have done the same thing at the hospital as he did at home. If the midwives were experienced they should have handled it exactly like the OB's would have. Did they find a reason why he was so slow to start? Was there cord issues or slow descent? I hope the questions don't bother you~ If it's painful to think about, please forgive me. ((HUGS)) So happy that you came through it ok and that you're planning on TTC again :HH:

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Originally Posted by begonia

For me I know for sure this is our last one, so it is my (and DH's) last chance to ever have the experience of a surprise at birth.

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This is EXACTLY why I flirt with the idea myself. I am all about experiences in life. And I absolutely fell in love with your story, DM!

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Originally Posted by SpicyTunaSushi

we dtd 9 times daily to conceive her

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HOLY VAGINA! That is impressive, Spicy!

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Originally Posted by LolaInLove

HOLY VAGINA! That is impressive, Spicy!

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OMG I'm seriously LMAO over here! I have to use that expression one day! HAHAHAHA!

And xo about the story:) I can't imagine ever finding out again just based on how amazing those first moments were with my new baby. I was so ecstatic that I honestly forgot to look to see what "it" was :HH:

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Originally Posted by DoulaMama

OMG I'm seriously LMAO over here! I have to use that expression one day! HAHAHAHA!

And xo about the story:) I can't imagine ever finding out again just based on how amazing those first moments were with my new baby. I was so ecstatic that I honestly forgot to look to see what "it" was :HH:

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I mean, my cooch would be in shambles! I am actually more impressed with Spicy's DH, LOL!

Sigh, I do love the surprise stories.....Begonia will know what I am talking about....an old blue crew member just had her boy, a surprise (Frogs) and she wrote that it was one of the best moments of her life and her DH's reaction was priceless. I would love to have that experience. I loved also that you didn't look between the legs for a few minutes, that is too sweet!

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Originally Posted by DoulaMama

Z- I'm so sorry that things went badly at your birth:( Some babies are slow starters and from the research I've done so far, your little guy may have done the same thing at the hospital as he did at home. If the midwives were experienced they should have handled it exactly like the OB's would have. Did they find a reason why he was so slow to start? Was there cord issues or slow descent? I hope the questions don't bother you~ If it's painful to think about, please forgive me. ((HUGS)) So happy that you came through it ok and that you're planning on TTC again :HH:

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I don't mind at all DM. I agree that things would have been the same even if we'd been in hospital, in fact I think it could even have been worse because I may have been tempted by more drugs - and if DS2 was always going to be sleepy then something like pethidine would have made it even worse. I'd never use drugs except gas and air in labour now.

All my babies were posterior once I was in labour (even if they weren't beforehand!) and DS2 was bigger than the others and took a long time to turn and descend. I was pushing for 2 hours in a standing squat - until DH suggested I kneel down instead! My muscles turned to jelly afterwards and it was hours before I could even walk. Also, the midwife had her arm up me (like a cow!) helping him to turn and afterwards I wondered whether that had caused the problem but we'll never know so I finally laid that to rest.

Even though I believe it would have been the same had we been in hospital, we don't live close. I had to deliver the placenta incredibly quickly and ride in an ambulance for 40 minutes with my insides hanging out - not pleasant! I'll never forget the looks on DH's and mum's faces as they closed the ambulance doors because they thought DS2 would die. DH has hardly even spoken about that day but when he has he's admitted that he was terrified driving to the hospital because he didn't know whether our baby was alive so when I suggested a 3rd baby it was his condition that it would be in hospital and not at home.

I still get sad when people talk about their wonderful homebirths because I was robbed! I absolutely believe in a woman's ability to birth naturally and so I focus on the positives of a hospital birth instead, avoid as much intervention as possible and make my wishes very clear. We're lucky in this country that this is what's encouraged these days and that the hospitals in my area are very good. DH and I were on our own in a private room for the majority of the time leading up to DS3's delivery so we were able to turn the lights down, play some music, take a bath and relax (as far as possible with a back to back baby - again!). It would be completely chaotic at home now in our tiny living room with the 3 boys hanging around so I'm actually ok with this!

Sorry to gatecrash begonia :D

Zan, you are a warrior! That's all I can say.

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Originally Posted by LolaInLove

Zan, you are a warrior! That's all I can say.

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Ha ha, definitely not! I'm a big baby when I'm in labour - with DS3 I cried when the midwife said the birthing pool wasn't free, I nearly killed DH because he wasn't passing me the gas & air quick enough and he laughed when the mouthpiece fell off, I asked for an epidural right before I started pushing (and DH was brave enough to remind me that that's not what I wanted!). I have to write it all down beforehand while I'm still in my right mind because I fall apart at the first contraction and oh, how I wish I could labour quietly! I took hypnobirthing classes last time around but they went right out the window :D

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Originally Posted by LolaInLove

HOLY VAGINA! That is impressive, Spicy!

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i saw that too, geez! im also impressed with the DH!!! i think mine would just lay in a coffin at that point.

love your story zanacal. yes sorry begonia!

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Originally Posted by LolaInLove

I mean, my cooch would be in shambles! I am actually more impressed with Spicy's DH, LOL!

Sigh, I do love the surprise stories.....Begonia will know what I am talking about....an old blue crew member just had her boy, a surprise (Frogs) and she wrote that it was one of the best moments of her life and her DH's reaction was priceless. I would love to have that experience. I loved also that you didn't look between the legs for a few minutes, that is too sweet!

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OMGoodness...to not know and also get your DG would be incredible:) I long for that moment~~ :HH:

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Originally Posted by zanacal

oh, how I wish I could labour quietly! I took hypnobirthing classes last time around but they went right out the window :D

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This was me too...I sound like a dying cow while in labour.... LOL

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Originally Posted by zanacal

I still get sad when people talk about their wonderful homebirths because I was robbed! I absolutely believe in a woman's ability to birth naturally and so I focus on the positives of a hospital birth instead, avoid as much intervention as possible and make my wishes very clear. We're lucky in this country that this is what's encouraged these days and that the hospitals in my area are very good. DH and I were on our own in a private room for the majority of the time leading up to DS3's delivery so we were able to turn the lights down, play some music, take a bath and relax (as far as possible with a back to back baby - again!). It would be completely chaotic at home now in our tiny living room with the 3 boys hanging around so I'm actually ok with this!

Sorry to gatecrash begonia :D

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^^^ I second this....SORRY B!
I'm so glad that you and baby came through ok in the end. It must have been terrifying for all involved:(
All our experiences shape our future and I have to say that your hospital sounds like a lovely place to have a baby!!
I hope your next birth is amazing/easy/peaceful with a little bit of PINK thrown in for good measure:HH: I didn't say quiet because sometimes being loud helps bring the baby down;)
xo

You gals have got to be kidding me, don't apologize for chatting on my sway thread, you're all just making my sway look like it is super popular and proabably totally awesome :rofl:

Zan I agree with Lola - total warrior story. FX of course you can be less a warrior and more a princess with the next birth :happy:

I labor quietly, LOL! I have a high pain tolerance and I'm also not at all interested in drawing attention to myself, so I was very much that woman just "hoo hee hoo hee, oooo, that one hurts" ... but inside I was like, WTH! THIS SUCKS!!!!! But I do love L&D ... oh it's just so amazing, isn't it?!? If I can focus on that I know I can get myself to 40 weeks without finding out. That said if someone could tell me right this minute I'd have a hard time saying no :suprise:

DM I do agree - the surprise is that much sweeter when you get your DG in the end! I just loved Frogs story too Lola, I'm so happy for her!

Spicy I was thinking the 9x one day was a joke ... seriously?!?!? Could you walk the next day?!?! VERY impressive!

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Originally Posted by gizmo77

i saw that too, geez! im also impressed with the DH!!! i think mine would just lay in a coffin at that point.

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! LMAO!!!

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Originally Posted by zanacal

I still get sad when people talk about their wonderful homebirths because I was robbed!

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You were:( Life is so not fair sometimes:gloomy: I'm so sorry that you didn't get the experience you hoped for, Mama. Hugs from me xoxo

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Originally Posted by begonia

You gals have got to be kidding me, don't apologize for chatting on my sway thread, you're all just making my sway look like it is super popular and proabably totally awesome :rofl:

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That's totally true :D :D :D

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Originally Posted by begonia

I think that makes sense if you didn't find out before! I can see wanting to have the experience of finding out. My recommendation would be to have the tech write it down though; that way you and DH can have a private moment to find out together ... and if it is a girl and you're a bit bummed, you don't have some tech you don't even know judging you for your reaction.

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I could not agree more, because even if you think you will be ok you may have more of a reaction than you thought. I had thought I saw a weewee at my 12 week u/s and had a lot of "boy" signs the day of my ultrasound and I still burst into tears in a rather embarrassing fashion. :/

I fear I'd do the same Atomic - but I don't think a tech here would be willing to write it down because they won't want to be held accountable if they're wrong! I like the idea though :D

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Originally Posted by LolaInLove

Zan, you are a warrior! That's all I can say.

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Totally!

I had two yucky births (hospital) and two nice ones (one hosp. and one homebirth) so I know for a fact that they can be as nice in the hospital as they are at home. Whatever works for eveyrone involved is best.

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Originally Posted by LolaInLove

HOLY VAGINA! That is impressive, Spicy!

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Sorry- not in a day, 9x once a day! That would be impossible!

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Originally Posted by begonia

You gals have got to be kidding me, don't apologize for chatting on my sway thread, you're all just making my sway look like it is super popular and proabably totally awesome :rofl:

Zan I agree with Lola - total warrior story. FX of course you can be less a warrior and more a princess with the next birth :happy:

I labor quietly, LOL! I have a high pain tolerance and I'm also not at all interested in drawing attention to myself, so I was very much that woman just "hoo hee hoo hee, oooo, that one hurts" ... but inside I was like, WTH! THIS SUCKS!!!!! But I do love L&D ... oh it's just so amazing, isn't it?!? If I can focus on that I know I can get myself to 40 weeks without finding out. That said if someone could tell me right this minute I'd have a hard time saying no :suprise:

DM I do agree - the surprise is that much sweeter when you get your DG in the end! I just loved Frogs story too Lola, I'm so happy for her!

Spicy I was thinking the 9x one day was a joke ... seriously?!?!? Could you walk the next day?!?! VERY impressive!

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Yes I meant 9 times once a day for 9 days leading up to O. Glad to clear that up!

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Originally Posted by gizmo77

do you have anoything neutral? just buy those if you want to keep it a surprise. ppl at my shower for DD1 were pissed that i didnt find out bc it is hard to find neutral clothes these days they say! haha
i personally LOVED the surprise and felt it was worth. in the betgnning of DD2's pg i had the same feelings as DD1 so i thought great another girl. butthru out the rest of the pgcy, it was diff (carried diff, diff food cravings, etc). and i thought i even saw a penis on one of the many u/s's i had. guess i was wrong. but when DH shouted out "its another girl!" during birth, i could care less, the epidural didnt work, and i wanted it OUT and when i held her she was beautiful. then once we got home and i was rushing to get her ready and DD1 (about a week or 2 later, when DH was back at work) i was like, this is exactly the same thing, wtf. wiping a vagina again. same ol' sh*t. same clothes.
but that lasted maybe a few hours at a time for a week or two. andi cant tell you how guilty i felt. and dh is right, i give DD2 a LOT more leeway for things than i did with DD1, but i always felt like it was bc she knew she was #2 and probly felt neglected.
today she is the light of my life (not the username on here!!!)

and when i started swaying adn reading info, i was worried that i would feel that GD if this #3 was a girl. but after reading ppls posts on here and thinking about it, i mentally pic myself with 3 girls and im ok. and then i read about that post that daisy posted about the girl being beaten to death and im grateful even more.

but this #3 is dh's compromise to my wanting 4 (unless we win the lottery, thats the deal), so if it is my last, i think i ill ask the tech to just show me and ill guess. then ask her to tell me its a boy regardless. jk, i think im just so sick of eating and eating and this diet and keeping track of this and that and being strict, etc that i just want to try already and be pg the first shot!! and i want to see if before hand if it is all worth it. buti dont plan on telling DH either way. id love for him to be surprised in the D room.

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I do have neutral stuff- I did an inventory packing away things- and have a surprising amount of neutral stuff since DD was a surprise. I think I can make it!

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Originally Posted by SpicyTunaSushi

Sorry- not in a day, 9x once a day! That would be impossible!

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Lol, we were impressed :D

Girl #3 for us ... I'm glad I found out bc I was hoping I wouldn't have to pick another girl name, and now I know I really need to focus on that! I'm very disappointed for my DH. I'm glad for him that it will be a delivery surprise and that these next few months I can keep his hopes level, because right now his hopes are pretty high for a son.

Begonia- Hugs. I am sure she will be a sweet addition to your family and you and your DH will adore her.

begonia, congratulations on your little girl! she will probably be someone who will make a huge difference in your lives (having beaten all those boy sperm to the finish line). like her mommy, a great runner! *hugs* :-)

Congratulations on a healthy sweet little girl Begonia!!!

Make sure you let us know how you are feeling it will help with any GD xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

I'm sorry you didn't hear boy. I've been there with DD#3. It was easier than DD#2 with whom I totally lost it at the doctor's office. My DH was very mad at me. I was grateful for that because it helped having one of us that was okay with another daughter. He would have stopped at 2 kids so the rest was all me. He was never phased by it at all.

I like the dynamic with 3 of a kind. It stops any quick comparions between the 2 that they or anyone else might make and they are more of a unit. I think they have learned from eachother. The middle child takes on an entirely new role. It is fun to watch her get to be big and little sis.

Whether you try again or not, I hope you find peace with the 3. I worry for you keeping it in the rest of the pregnancy and having such a large elephant in the room with DH. I hope your heart makes it through that. You know you can get all the support you want here though so you may not be able to lean on him but you may certainly lean on us.

Sorry you didn't hear boy, Begonia. We're in the same boat with our boy sways being girls.
Once she's here it will feel meant to be.

Best of luck with the name brainstorming.