I am so outrageously a "boy mom" and am carrying a girl, I am super convinced it's diet lol. My boy mom tendencies are what carried into my anxiety and control over food and exercise! Heck, I'm on here as often as I am while pregnant with a non-sway baby because I'm that much of a self control freak [emoji12]Quote:
Originally Posted by Beau82
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Somehow I missed a whole page of replies here, sorry ladies.Quote:
Originally Posted by maidentomother
:agree: Beyond failing, succeeding at something (imperfectly) is also very informative. I could NOT EVER EVER EVER have done this job that I do here 10 or 20 years ago. I was too much of a perfectionist. I would have been doing rough drafts of my every response to you guys. I would have been so terrified that I might let people down or annoy someone or fail to achieve 100% results that I would never have started answering posts back on IG. I would have been so afraid of failure/disapproval that even as I figured it all out I would not have mentioned it to anyone else. But after a while I sort of slowly learned that my successes were among my most imperfect endeavors and my most perfect notions died on the table because my vision was always so grand compared to my capabilities. :/ It was only after a lot of successful failures (where I fell far short of the bar that I had set for myself but everything magically worked out anyway) that I could have ever come to a place in time where I could do something like this. :)
I...LOVE...THIS!! So, so, sooooo GOOD!! :) I'm laughing so hard right now at my Martha tendencies! You hit it SPOT ON! So great!
bump
I took this and it said I have 85% chance of having a girl. I've always thought of my personality as a mix of boy and girl mom. I have two boys, so this wasn't quite accurate for me.
just to clarify, I do not support the online test as being in any way accurate.
No wonder I'm a boy mom!!! Control freak to a tee! And I feel like I HAVE to do everything! The funny thing is in most aspects of my life I'm pretty laid back/go with the flow. But when it comes to household stuff and taking care of the kids I'm a huge control freak. Mostly because my husband doesn't care if the house is messy, kids are still up at 10, dinner isn't made and it's 7:30 so I feel like I have to make up for it. This is an eye opening essay!
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bumping, added new essay
Well no wonder I'm a mum of 4 boys! �� I am a control freak, obsessive about things and constantly think about it.
The vicious circle is cruel: you get a couple of boys in part because you have a tendency to obsess, and then you obsess hard about getting the girl.
I have no doubt that nature has its historical reasons for giving boys to women like me but I think in this day and age I'm less suited to raising boys because of my perfectionism/need for control. I would love to be able to be a relaxed parent and ignore the horseplay, vulgarity, etc. but it really bothers me. Maybe I would have been swell at raising cave boys but I have breakable things in my house.
As you see I have a couple remaining essay spots to be filled in this series and one of the upcoming ones will be about this very issue.Quote:
Originally Posted by trifecta
This is a little bit of a hot button issue so please be gentle with me, we gotta talk about these things in order to piece it all together.
I am of the opinion (an opinion true for ME and no one else I'm sure but just sharing in case it's helpful to anyone) that because I sometimes want(ed) my boys to do things VERY differently than they do - not for their benefit but for my own personal benefit, to make me look better, to reflect well upon me - that my boys were put here to disobey me because I needed to have that tendency beat out of me, so to speak, before I got a girl that I would have possibly hurt by it. My parents are both huge control freaks (for their own personal benefit) and it very nearly broke me as a child. Being a people pleasing daughter in a family of people who are up your butt perfectionist about everything all the time constantly can crush a little girl. It wasn't an easy way to grow up, and it has caused me nothing but trouble in my life to this very day.
My daughter is much, much easier than my boys (all the girl moms are ticked off at me now saying "girls are NOT easier" well, mine certainly is, for now anyway), much more obedient, she does what I say and gets very upset when I chastise her over even the littlest thing. She worries a LOT about what others, especially me, are thinking about her. It is a novel experience and one that I have really had to rise to the occasion to correct and control myself over. And I have to wonder, when I'm being totally honest with myself, what if I had gotten her first? Would I have had enough experience/wisdom to correct and control myself? Could she have stood up to me when I was being too overbearing or pushy or in her face? Would she have argued back at me the way my second son did when I was asking him to do too many chores, or blown me off the way my first son did when I was critical of his clothing and school choices, or would she have been ME, basically, ending up practically a slave in my parents' house doing all the chores and resenting it all the time, and dropping out of school to get married because I had literally no control over anything in my life otherwise? I don't know.
The way it is now, looking back on it, I believe I had to learn the lesson the boys taught me (which is back the eff off, mom, let me live my life) and I think it has benefited her and made me a better parent for her.
I know a couple of control freakish women IRL who had girls and one of them had her daughter potty trained by age 18 months. She went to school the first day of kindergarten and pooped her pants in front of the entire school. The other one's daughter was perfect, perfect, perfect, her whole life, and ended up with an eating disorder. It isn't only about the boys and their well being. It is also about the girls, and I am not trying to say that we wouldn't be great moms of girls, too, it's not that, it is that there may be more going on here than it seems at first blush. Maybe a percentage of control freak parents out there may cause more harm than good with a girl (not you or anyone on this site, but we do know those people exist, we all recognize the stereotype) and not only is it about keeping your caveboy alive, it's about keeping a cavegirl alive and functional to adulthood, too.
And I get how all that comes off, kinda like Valerie Grant saying "you get the child you're best suited for" and I don't mean to say that, exactly, it's not that. Because I believe we all change our parenting styles to suit our individual kiddos, boys or girls alike, and all of us on this site are great moms who would do exactly that. But not everyone is. And certainly historically, not everyone was. We are dealing with tendencies and circumstances dating back millions of years, before we were even humans. Up till very recently no one was living an examined life, no one was doing what was best for children like we do now, people were struggling so hard to survive that they often treated their children pretty terribly. Children's happiness was an afterthought, even for our parents' generations, you know?
So these things we talk about all hypothetically and stuff very likely made some pretty big differences not that long ago. Children were seen as resources for the benefit of the family to be used and abused. It could have been the difference between life and death to have a child who didn't push back if their parent was taking some advantage of them. A child who was too eager to please, as girls sometimes are, if the parent asked too much, if the parent's standards were too high - that would be a disaster too.
Now, I will sit back and watch this entire thread blow up and everyone be angry at me for the next week or two.
Everyone understand, I'm not trying to give offense, my point is simply that there are possibly benefits to both boys and girls, having the Maternal Dominance Hypothesis in play. It's not a "you have to take one for the team because you are destined to raise caveboys in a Lalique Dove world" because honestly that wouldn't make me feel one bit happy about my life either (and believe me, my word you have no idea how much I relate to that sentiment, I just screamed at my sons for destroying a fragile old cookbook of mine by shoving it carelessly into a drawer when they were asked to pick up instead of picking up one of the 9 zillion things that are everywhere all the time that belong to them). It's a "these are the kids that I got and there may be some higher reason for this even if the reason no longer matters" - IDK. I find some peace in that. And yeah, I have a daughter, easy for me to find peace, right, but let's not forget I had nothing but boys for 21 years and I still have to deal with their horsing around, vulgarity, breaking stuff, constant life threatening accidents, etc.
Thanks atomic, I was only thinking about my control issues yesterday & wondering how an earth I can back off. Reading how it impacted you as achild, which I’m sorry you dealt with, helps me realise how negative it is being on the other side. I have been trying to let go, but can’t say I’m doing that great [emoji17]Quote:
Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush
Any tips on how they managed to let go more & more. Walking around with my eyes shut & ear plugs in isn’t as easy as I thought it may be. Ha ha
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Needed to read this today thank you Atomic xx
Maybe I’m the odd one out, but I love my boys’ wildness. The jumping, the wrestling, I love it all. Watching them ‘wrestle’ with my husband is so sweet and funny. Maybe I’m ok with it because we really don’t have a lot of nice things, and I’m not a clean, organized person? I never have been, so maybe it makes it easier for me to have boys? I don’t know. Of course they do things that irritate me, but I figure most kids do. I’ll agree with atomic that all of my friends with girls say they’re easier than boys (while they’re little. Most think they’re more difficult as teenagers). When I was little I was very obedient, quiet, people pleasing, and ended up with an eating disorder I battled for a decade. That was a huge reason I was terrified to have a girl; boys have them but they’re much more prevalent in girls, and ED’s are hereditary. I still don’t know if I want a daughter. When I nannied I bonded much more easily with the boys, despite their boy tendencies that can make them more difficult. Maybe the tendencies that girls have just annoy me more? I don’t know. Either way, I’m think I’m a good fit as a boy mom.
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I love being a boy mum too , I can see how I’m really good at it - I bounce off the walls as much as they do most days [emoji23] , I still desperately want a daughter but I feel like I do boy mum VERy well :) and love it too.Quote:
Originally Posted by Greydore
Where are you at Greydore are TTC at the moment ?
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Just to be clear, I don't have glassware or figurines or anything like that, but I have walls, drawers, doorknobs, shower curtains rods, etc.
I'm not always on their backs but the "boyish" behaviors definitely cause me stress.
Maybe that's why your odds of conceiving a boy go up further still after having a few boys: because they drive you freaking crazy!
Frankie I’m 10 weeks along with our third. I didn’t sway but I love the community here so I sticking around :)
Trifecta I totally understand. Boys find a way to make anything and everything into a toy, and their energy is exhausting. I do think girls have their own set of annoyances but I would probably be attacked for saying them :)
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Thanks, Atomic. That is an interesting line of thinking. Over-controlling parents are not good for any child but on the whole young girls need to tend to be more emotionally attuned and sensitive than young boys. Of course there are differences within individuals but if we are looking at groups, as we would be in this case, what you're saying makes some sense. If I do get to have 2 children I hope to work through some of my over-controlling and anxiety based references about how things "ought" to be on a child who maybe more suited to roll with it or tell me off. Some of my experiences are similar to yours is a child and it certainly is challenging and not to hand that over control down the generations!Quote:
Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush
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I love being a boy mum too and as a teacher I always seemed to have a soft spot and endless patience for the boys in my class and their energy and while I love teaching girls too I just seem to understand little boys.
But I want a girl too- not because I think she will be better behaved ( I was the naughtiest little girl ever lol) but because I want a chance at a mother -daughter bond which I have never had.
Gafan that’s actually not true. Recent research has shown that little boys are actually more emotional than girls- they suffer more from negative emotions and require more emotional attention from their parents. Girls seem to be more resilient. My oldest son requires so much of me, and he was a very high needs baby. I’m not surprised by this at all. In school age years boys seem less emotional because of group influence to be stoic.
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My boys are emotional and empathetic but true to the stereotype they express their aggression physically rather than through relational aggression. It doesn't surprise me that boys are more emotional. I've heard also that they become much more tearful and sort of overly-sensitive right before puberty. I think we tend to think of women as being somehow more hormonal and thus more emotional but we all run on hormones. Women get a bad reputation for suffering from PMS but somehow men who wake up grumpy or horny don't carry the same stigma. (Sorry, it's not exactly on-topic but since it has to do with how we perceive the sexes I thought I would throw in my two cents.)
This has been a really interesting line of thought Atomic. I appreciate how hard a job it must be to not offend when you are putting thoughts down like that. Given what you've said about controlling tendencies in mothers being counter balanced by having boys, I'm curious as to what your thoughts are on the reserve, having lots of girls? Is it that relaxed "what will be will be" type mothers need less "wild" children who are less likely to break everything and kill themselves?:rofl:
My hubby and my ds1 are so much more emotional and sensitive than me lol.
Very interesting post!
It’s funny though because I am of the controlling type, liking things to be in order etc, and would think myself as a boy mum – yet I have 2 soon 3 girls. And I can tell you my girls are probably far from the stereotype of girls lol whether I shaped them to be like that due my personality is an interesting thought though maybe? as they would probably have what are considered classic “boy traits” ;) (they are not the docile, quiet, eager to please kind – but rather the loud, adventurous, never still, strong willed-not-beaten-by-boys kind ^^). Possibly their personality (rather than their gender) is what truly suits me best, in the end :D if the third ends up being a girly girl quiet and gentle, I may be in for a shock haha
I think it makes sense that the mothers who over-supervise get the caveboys who would kill each other with rocks if nobody was watching but does having boys really counterbalance these tendencies? I tend to think it makes these tendencies worse because the need for supervision also increases.
Trifecta I couldn’t agree more about the stigmas each gender face. I think it’s completely unfair to women- we have been fitted with the ‘over emotional’ label, but when’s the last time you heard of an angry woman going on a shooting spree or killing a man because he turned her down at a bar? It’s extremely rare. Men have strong emotions and society in general does a bad job of acknowledging that.
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I’m definitely more emotional than my H, but my oldest son is just like me. He feels things very deeply, and I wonder how that will play out for him as a boy as he grows up. My youngest is more like H.Quote:
Originally Posted by kittendreams
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Here's the thing though - it's something that you can't really force and trying to force it is really just part and parcel of the bigger problem. Because it's another thing to try and control, you know?Quote:
Originally Posted by emshe
my best advice as someone who has been there, done that, is just have the mantra - whatever it is that helps you remember that life really is, at the end of the day, entirely out of your control. It's weird acknowledging that (and very hard for those of us who are control freaks) but it's really true. All these things we think we are accomplishing are by and large rituals that make us feel like we're doing something (like telling your kids "call when you get there" I mean really, what does that even accomplish, but it makes us feel somehow like they are protected!) but they aren't any more real than an OCD person counting to the number 20 whenever they hear a "bad word". It's just an empty thing we do to alleviate stress but it's an illusion.
Now, if you're worried about your kids wrecking the house, etc. please try to keep in mind that ALL parents have those feelings, boy moms and girl moms alike. Disciplining the kids when they're being naughty is not going to make or break your sway. Keeping a colorcoded chart of the miniscule fluctuations of your cervical mucus pH DOES make or break a sway.
There are many things in life you kind of have to control. It is FINE to control the things in life you have to control. What I am trying to get you guys to avoid is trying to control the things in life that are NOT necessary or even impossible to control (like having a "perfect" sway by taking your temperature 700 times a day and measuring every morsel of food that goes into your mouth, for example). It is not and never has been my intent for you guys to take the warnings of this thread - "don't get swaycessed and control freaky over swaying" - then extrapolate that to everything else in your life.
:agree: I completely know that and I apologize for using your post as a jumping off point for something that you were not even implying or thinking. Sometimes I will see a post that triggers me to talk about something I've been pondering in my head anyway and this was one of those times.Quote:
Originally Posted by trifecta
This is me too - I don't have a lot of nice things and nor am I neat or organized sadly (outwardly) but I find that there are many manifestations of "nice things" and "organized" LOL and they don't all exist in the physical world, if that makes any kind of sense. Sometimes my boys have "destroyed" things that matter(ed) to me a lot and they aren't physical, tangible things, but more like my hopes and dreams for them and for my family and what my family was going to look like and be like, if that makes sense. They're not doing anything wrong, please understand, it was that my hopes and dreams were inaccurate/inappropriate/too much and I had invested one heck of a lot of time and thought and effort into having those dreams and expectations. Over time they have largely said NO to most of those things (rightfully so) and I have had to reevaluate constantly and revise expectations downward (and again, let me just emphasize that I was the one in the wrong, my expectations were inappropriate and too high.)Quote:
Originally Posted by Greydore
Now, I know that I've done the same thing to my parents. I did not live up to their (too high) expectations of me (ever LOL) but the fundamental difference is, I always felt soul-crushingly guilty over it, and to some not small extent still do. My sons, on the other hand, just really don't seem to care that awfully much. They don't care if I approve of their clothes or hairstyles or friends or education choices or the cleanliness of their living space. They just don't give a crap LOL (and I mean that in the best of all possible ways). But I will still to this day, at 47 years old, torment myself for a solid month if my dad is coming to visit, cleaning and cooking and planning where we'll go and making sure I have a manicure and my gray hair is dyed (and the last time I couldn't afford to get my hair done and I thought about it the ENTIRE visit aaa). And my dad judged me the entire time on stuff - not my hair but other stuff. That's the weird thing about it...these things are really not in my head, they're for real, my parents really really are super judgy and I just can never seem to tell them to STFU about anything like my sons are only to happy to do to me (and I usually deserve it!)
I would have been a horrible mother for myself, I just know it, and I can only hope to take the lessons that i learned from the boys and apply them to my daughter so she never needs to freak out for a month in advance if I want to come for a visit. :p
Honestly, I think it is that we are freaks and you guys are normal. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by MiaMelb
Only slightly kidding.
I'm going to set aside the biological element here (which is that couples who are lower in fertility have girls regardless of personality stuff) to talk about JUST personality. Goes without saying that this is much more complex than this because of the fertility/condition angle.
And also please keep in mind that most families do end up with at least one boy and one girl in the mix so it is not really good to overthink any of this since it's pretty clear that everyone can have/raise both boys and girls successfully.
By and large the all girl parents I know are either total disasters (very few and nearly all in real life) or else awesome, great, fully functional women who are very successful and their success is seemingly effortless. I find that far, far, far more girl moms fall into the latter category - like the Sloane category - meaning that you have girls because you make great girls and something in your environment is sending you that signal that girls are a fantastic choice for you (and yes, I am writing an essay on this too, I'm going to get this thread finished if it kills me LOL).
Call it laid back or whatever, girls can thrive in your care, unlike in MY care, where I wonder very much if I'd have driven a girl crazy with my control freak ways had my boys not worn me down first. :) It's not you, it's me, LOL.
So NO, I don't think it is that you can't handle boys, I think it's just that you are so good at girls that some magic happens and you have them. I don't want you to focus on the tiny, tiny percentage of people who ~may~ (MAY, entirely speculative) get girls because they can't handle a wild and crazy, into everything boy because the lion's share of all-girl families get all girls because they do a great job of raising them. That's all. :)
Love your perspective, Atomic. I will say that most parents have expectations, hopes and dream for their kids regardless of gender. My parents had 4 girls. I grew up upper middle class and my dad envisioned us marrying very wealthy and being strong conservative Catholics. I’m an atheist liberal, my sis is fairly agnostic, my third sister passed away, and my youngest sister is 13 and so far is still very Catholic. My sis and I both married men who are hardworking and provide well, but are by no means wealthy. I notice that so many women want the ‘mother-daughter bond’ but I think that’s more rare than most think. We get along very well, but we aren’t best friends like so many women wish for with their daughters. I think we as parents could learn to relax SO much more when we realize that we really don’t have as much influence over our kids as we realize. I have a friend with 13 kids (8 boys, 5 girls). She’s the first to say that kids are born with their personalities and not much we do can change that (barring abuse). Sorry I know this is getting way off topic, I just enjoy conversations like this [emoji4]
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No worries, I figured it was just a topic you had been thinking about.Quote:
Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush
I think parents have an influence over their children (although often it isn't the kind of influence we intend) but I think the old saying that no two children grow up in the same family is also accurate because of birth order, sibling relationships, family events (jobs, financial changes, moves, illness, death) etc.Quote:
Originally Posted by Greydore
Just throwing this randomly in here but related to comments a way back - I’m reading “Raising Boys” by Steve Biddulph at the moment and it is so fascinating reading about some of the actual differences between boys and girls and the phases boys go through related to testosterone surges at different times etc. highly recommend it !!
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Hey congrats !! That’s awesome news. AreQuote:
Originally Posted by Greydore
You going to find out gender or wait til birth? I keep thinking next time I’d wait til birth as The 3rd would certainly be our last so what’s it matter Etc [emoji38]
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Thank you Frankie! I actually did the not finding out til birth thing with my oldest and didn’t like it. I didn’t bond with him at all during pregnancy, and the ‘surprise’ wasn’t worth it. We found out at 17 weeks with our second and I loved that. I bonded with him enjoyed picturing myself with two sons, my oldest having a little brother, etc. So we will definitely be finding out this time!
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Cool I’ll be stalking you to see what you’re having ! :)
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When I first read this I went through a cycle of desperation, despair, anger and then then hopefulness before going through all the emotions again. My second reading was much easier, and in fact, actually left me pretty hopeful! I know we are not suppose to have a list of things to do to be less Martha, but I believe realizing my inner anxiety and need for control will help me let go, so journaling about it after the fact is more helpful and harmful. Plus I have a bit before my official 12w before TTCing starts, so journaling and processing should be still "safe" either way! lol
1. I am a a SAHM so my control freak comes out at home. I am a bit OCD about floors. My blood starts to boil when our main area is not swept. I sweep and suddenly I can manage normal interactions again This week I have been sitting on the not recently swept floor and playing with my kiddos. If by the time we move on the the next thing, I can actually say I was playing and not thinking about the floors in the deep dark recesses of my mind, I let myself sweep. I have now moved from sweeping 5x a day to 2x a day and with only 1 "OMGosh this floor is horrible moment!" Plus, I usually smile at myself at least once for noticing a dirty floor and not jumping up to clean it. Next step is is being OK with the roomba cleaning and not needing to do it myself. I don't know why, but it is cathartic to do the actual sweeping. OK, I do know why. It makes me feel in control. :oops:
2. My boys only have a few weeks left of school. We revamped their chore chart like we do every summer. My oldest are 6 and 7 and I realized they don't know how to sweep. So guess what? Now one sweeps the kitchen daily (I never do unless I spill something) and the other one does the bathroom. I am still pointing out how they miss spots so they can learn, but am actually OK with their level clean. I also decided besides their every day chore, I have given them 2 daily chores. Once again, we are trying new things and I am ok with their abilities.
3. I wanted to do a big rummage sale this year because of organizing and cleaning up our storage room. I wanted complete control. We are having it at my ILs and so my husband ended up taking over. When I brought the idea up, the plan was for me to go up with our littles and clean up and set everything out leading up to it. As it turns out, my husband took it upon himself to do it. He wrote the ad up without my input and left a great many details out. Guess what? No fussing from me because this is the HUGE sale of the year and all you really need is to have your address listed and people will flock. He cleaned up fish tanks and dog kennels, he is researching prices for name brand things. He is doing 95% of the work! Just call me Mary because I feel no guilt about this at all even though his birthday was Tuesday! ;)
4. Speaking of birthdays, I asked someone, not related to us, to watch my two littles so I could take DH out to eat without kids. It has been 3 or more years since we had a babysitter. Our last sitter was too meek to handle our 3 and 4yos so I did not have anxiety of their safety as much as the sitter's sanity. lol. I am happy to report our 2 and 4yo where calm, well behaved and gave this sitter a good many laughs. I'm already looking for a saturday to try out another baby sitter!
5. I volunteer at our local bargain shop. There was an issue. People complained. A new policy went into effect. I might have been at the trigger of the issue, but did not actually do anything wrong. Some people just like to complain when they don't get catered to and have to follow rules. The old me would have anxiety up the wazoo. I struggled off and on, mostly off, for 2 days with feeling like it was all my fault. Then my work day arrived and within an hour of being there and having that sinking feeling in my stomach, something clicked. I did not need to feel bad I bought vases that someone else wanted. (yes, it was this petty. I saw and bought some majorly cute vases first.) If they are raising a stink, it is because something is lacking in their life, not mine. I am the one volunteering my 6 hours a week so that they can find great deals. I am allowed some great finds of my own. I can't remember the last time something this "dramatic" went down and I was able to think about it without the heavy, sinking feeling. It is a whole new world for me! :flowerz:
6. My husband use to take the boys for a walk so I could clean. I loved the peace and actually getting things done. Now, the house stays dirty and I join in on the fun! Of course, now I am working on relaxing with my 4yo as he learns to rules of going on a family walk. :sigh: (why don't you have an emoji for pulling your hair out?! lol) On a positive note, I delegate better now. When the 4yo lags too far behind or forgets to walk near the curb, his punishment is to go hold DH's hand for a few blocks. :D
All in all, what I have learned is to listen to the inner reason for doing things. Does working on this project, cleaning up after someone, or organizing this closet make me angry or frustrated? Do I blame my need to do this on a person? Then I stop doing it! I am learning to walk away or desensitize myself when I come across things like this. Will it be enough for me to get a girl? Who knows. At least I am in love with my boy name pick, Ezra Lysander! lol I might, just might, be a little sad if we don't get to use it.
We do, LOL!! :hair:
Yes people do often hate this series of essays at first.
I understand that you are thinking "well this alleviates anxiety for me so it must be good" but this is NOT GOOD for your sway. You are putting way too much thought into it. It is like a ritualistic way of alleviating anxiety and making you feel like you're in control of something that is inherently uncontrollable. It's fine because we are far out from your TTC time now but I do still see this as a problematic endeavor.
1)I see this as keeping swaying on your mind constantly and setting up a reward situation that gives you a little boost whenever you succeed at something sway related. This carrot-stick approach is the same behavior whether it takes the form of "if I test my pH 20 times a day I'll be guaranteed a girl" or "if I don't sweep the floor, then that's proof I am not being a control freak and I'll be guaranteed a girl". It is the same exact thing so please just sweep the floor if that is your normal routine.
2)I think it's great that you are teaching the kids to sweep but again, I am seeing this as a problematic mindset as setting up rituals that you can do and feel like you're helping your sway in some way.
3)This is solid. :agree: good job on this.
4)Getting out and about is a good idea, keep busy doing things other than swaying, just don't think of it as "wow I did something to really help my sway!"
5):agree: This process gets easier over time. I still have to remind myself of this reality that others are gonna do what they're gonna do and all I can control is me myself and I. But do try to frame this as "I am becoming a happier and more well adjusted person by learning to let go" and less that it's a successful milestone for your sway. I know it's hard to wrap your brain around but it really does make a difference.
6)Also good just like going out to dinner is. Keep busy doing anything else other than sitting around thinking about swaying. Don't sweat being uptight about your son misbehaving on the walk. Regular day to day life stuff is unavoidable. What we are really trying to avoid here is things that are not necessary to day to day life. Sweeping the floor and walking with your child is necessary. Tracking your pH on a color coded chart - not neccesary. Do the things that are necessary, relax on the things that are not, and don't just substitute in stressing over swaying with stressing over "stress" ("If I play with the kids on the dirty floor, I'll reward myself with sweeping" don't do that).
I do love your name too!! It was funny when I finally got my girl after 4 boys, it took us literally till she was born to pick a name...I didn't like ANYTHING! Nothing felt special enough, I guess. But I saw like 10 more boy names and I was like "oh gosh how sad I can't use those!" :p