can't stop this empty feeling

I feel aweful for posting this, especially since im only 13 weeks but I just feel like i can't deal. My husband and I have 2 daughters and we definitely didn't expect this baby. Our girls are only 15 months apart and now this baby will be 19 months apart from our youngest. I was on birth control and had no intention of having a baby at the moment since the girls are so young, but the minute I took that pregnancy test I was beyond excited. I have dreamed my whole life of having a baby boy and I just felt that this would be different. My husbands family has been putting a lot of pressure on me to have a boy since his whole family is made of girls. When we had went to find out the sex of our first chld I got no congratulations from him or his family for a long time and they were just eager for me to get pregnant again. Well when second pregnancy happened it was the same story. When there was no boy in my belly I had no real support, it felt like everyone went thru the actions. I had no baby shower for either girls and we just slowly accumulated the things we needed, mostly handmedowns from his sisters kids and craigslist. Now that I'm pregnant again we had a private sonogram done at 11 weeks and the tech was 100% that this is a boy. I felt amazing and my husband and his fam were so excited, they are starting to plan a baby shower. Now we went back for 2 week check up to get the package 50% off and the tech said now its for sure girl and when she didnt see a great big smile on my face she told me to get over it. I think I died, I was bonding with this baby and loving being pregnant this time. I have been active and feeling great, now I just wish I was never pregnant. I find myself thinking why did the pill have to fail, I took it every night at the same time and never missed. Why can't I make anyone happy. The family and my husband adore our girls but I know that they are kind of like the precursor to what everyone really wants. I wouldn't trade them for the world but I this baby I'm starting to wish that I could. The tech could stil be wrong but I just feel like giving up on any plans of happiness with 3 girls. This all happened this past friday and I just don't understand how the bond I had with this baby could be cut within a matter of minutes. I feel like the worst mom ever. I just want my boy not only for the family, no matter how much pressure. I want the momma's boy and to be that momma bear to him. My husband has his daddy's girls, and sometimes he will make little comments like these girls are mine and they love daddy when we have a boy he can be yours. I know he doesnt mean to hurt me even though that sounds horrible I just feel empty and lost. I feel no connection anymore. It hurts.

I don't mean to paint an ugly picture of my inlaws or my husband. I love them all I just want to be happy

I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling that way :( With me it was the opposite, all they wanted was a girl in a family of boys and I felt the pressure. You feel a bit let down when no one congratulates you, like you failed them or something. But now I have my 3 wonderful boys and wouldn't change them for the world, girl or boy, when you see that little face for the first time, you will fall in love all over again. Try to nurture yourself. BEING ABLE TO CREATE LIFE IS AMAZING! Be proud of yourself. I'm sure the bonding will come, just give yourself time to adjust. If someone says something that hurts your feelings (people are well intentioned but careless sometimes) just give them a big smile and tell them how proud you are of your wonderful, healthy, clever babies, that will give them a hint. Lots of hugs. :bighug:

I appreciate that. I just feel like this baby will most likely be my last. With the way things are now more than 3 seems unrealistic. So its almost like I'm mourning something I haven't even had. Thank you for the kind words, I hope that I can soon feel content. I just fear that I may not love her when she does get here. Hugs to you and again thank you.

I feel your pain honey , I'm having my fourth boy ( no. Girls on either side yet ) and up until 16 weeks when I found out that this unplanned pregnancy was another boy I was excited , I am 18 weeks now and the past 2 weeks have been hard to be as excited because as you said I mourning the daughter I never had / will never have ... The excitement will come back , and you may still have a boy in there it's early days , I hope you feel better soon xx

So you were only 13 weeks pregnant when the tech told you 100% girl? Honestly I dont know how you would base a guess at that gestation and feel 100% confident about it. I dont mean to offer false hope, but there is no real way to know that early. The nub theory at best is still just a guess. I wouldnt feel as if complete hope is lost. However, I do understand your feelings. I dont know for sure the sex of my baby yet, but I do know that this will be our last child and I obsess and pray and hope on a daily basis that God has granted me the daughter that I have been dreaming of my whole life. I dont know that the emptyness you feel ever goes away. And a lot of the times I find myself wondering if a daughter really will fill the hole in my heart. Good luck to you and I hope there is good news waiting for you at 20 weeks!

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Originally Posted by oxox2013

So you were only 13 weeks pregnant when the tech told you 100% girl? Honestly I dont know how you would base a guess at that gestation and feel 100% confident about it. I dont mean to offer false hope, but there is no real way to know that early. The nub theory at best is still just a guess. I wouldnt feel as if complete hope is lost. However, I do understand your feelings. I dont know for sure the sex of my baby yet, but I do know that this will be our last child and I obsess and pray and hope on a daily basis that God has granted me the daughter that I have been dreaming of my whole life. I dont know that the emptyness you feel ever goes away. And a lot of the times I find myself wondering if a daughter really will fill the hole in my heart. Good luck to you and I hope there is good news waiting for you at 20 weeks!

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The tech did a potty shot at the 13 week scan and she was like well now there's lines so no boy after all, that's all girl get over it. Ill post the pics. It just killed me for her to be so 100% 2 weeks before, then to have the let down after. I just feel like I would resent my child later and end up upset at her for not being a boy. Its like a battle of what ifs in my head every day.

This is the sonograms I have so far. I've posted it here and IG and just about everyone has said girl as well. So I feel my chances of having my baby boy are just about sunk.

I have a potty shot from 12 w 4 days and there are lines and nothing else. Then at my 16 weeks all boy please try to get a scan at 16 weeks it will be more accurate xxx

I will for sure. I really don't want to get my hopes up anymore than they have already been let down but for the possibility that this may be a boy I'm not going to give up hope.

I can relate to your feelings, mine being the opposite being desperate for a DD and finding out I was having a 3rd son has broken my spirit & had me wondering why I'm having a 3rd also.
No one in my area do gender determination under 18 weeks due to the in accuracy of it... And although I don't know much I can say my DS scan at 12 weeks looked exactly like your scan (like female bits, and there's no denying that's not the case now!!)
I'm so sorry you feel this way, it's terrible so many of us loose out on what seems a simple pleasure we should all be able to enjoy-our kids... Yet all we see by a 3rd bub is what we may never have. I can't stand listening to people say "I hope it's a girl or sending pink vibes" or anything anymore, it makes me want to snap!! No one means to hurt us I'm sure, but it does I know. I truly hope you start to feel better soon.

Exactly. So many people are like that's all girl or that's so girly and theres no denying it. I had a day or two of hope from some who said to throw out these sonograms and get my money back for her even writing girl on them at 13 weeks but now everyone is commenting on my threads that she's right and its all girl. I just want ro curl up and disappear. I hate this so so much

Aww hun... My inlaws desperately want a girl this time, so does my husband and I feel such great pressure for this baby to be a girl. Its so hard feeling this way as I feel conflicted as I know how lucky I am to even be pregnant and all so far suggests this is a healthy baby so how dare I want a girlie so badly?! I am sorry you had some false hope given, that much be so much worse. I can understand totally, im clinging onto the hope from guesses on various sites such as this that people think girl for me... so actually being told it was a boy then having been told that was wrong must be awful. As hard as it is as you will feel sad remember that a beautiful little girlie is one the way to give you lots of love, cuddles and joy! xxx

I'm so sorry boo, and I sympathise from the other side of things too. I've been told at 12+3 that this is definitely ds3 and I saw a boy nub as well as the potty shot so I know there's no hope. I was feeling great before, no sickness, positive attitude, my only fear was losing the baby like last time. Now I've gone from m/c fear to GD with no respite in between. I am so angry that the sonographer told us that and "stole" my few weeks of being able to tell everyone with that glimmer of hope of a girl still there. Now I don't want to tell people or go public on Facebook because I know there will be gender comments and having to say over and over that its another boy will kill me. We were going to have a private gender scan at 16 weeks but now I think what's the point? May as well save £80 and wait for the 20 week one. I can't even buy something nice for him to ease the pain and start bonding cos it's still too early to risk. I just don't feel excited about this pregnancy anymore and I'm so upset about that. My parents and in laws thankfully aren't bothered by gender, but my sister has a dd and is due her second baby 2 days before our 20 week scan - I just know she'll have a girl just as my dreams are shattered. We can't afford any more so this is it. I just don't know how to start getting over this. I know I'll love him so much when I see him, but once the newborn phase passes i'll have to see my sisters, friends, colleagues having girls and every one will bring it crashing back down on me. I just feel lost.

Sorry to crash your thread, I just wanted to let you know you're not alone.
X

Don't feel sorry at all EmmyRoo. I'm sorry I'm so late to reply, I haven't been on here because I feel like I've just lost all hope. But I am feeling the exact same way. I have only told very few people that I'm pregnant, I'm so wracked that I haven't even told my own grandmother. I don't think I'm going to post anything on facebook and I just feel like I'm the worst mother. I'm 17 weeks now and I keep thinking that I should go get another sonogram done but I'm so terrified of the answer I'm going to get, I have a dr appt. on monday and sometimes he asks if I want to see the baby. Maybe I should face my fear but I don't know. I don't know if I could handle hearing girl.

I know every story is different and I don't want to give you false hope but I was told 100% boy at my 14.5 week scan and then to my surprise at my 21 week scan she is all girl! It's probably best not to get your hopes up, but 13 week scans are never 100%

Thank you Thorz300 I know nothing is ever guaranteed and for all I know this could be a boy and I would be having all this anxiety for nothing but until then I'm left feeling like this. These are some more from the same sonogram. Does anyone see something other than girl

hello boo!
ok, Im' no expert, but based on the nub theory (angle of the dangle) your 12 week shot really DOES look like a boy to me. Angle there looks way up. But you can try posting for some experts to take a look at your shots?

I am so sorry for the pressure and for how you feel. If its a girl, wanna trade? ;D Joking of course, but I look like I'm having a DS based on early sonos and have been kind of bummed wishing it was a girl. But waiting for this feeling to pass.

I was pressured for a DD from inlaws (boy only family) It sucks when you announce you are pregnant and people put in orders for boys or girls, seriously.
I heard someone tell me the other day she didn't find out till birth with her kids cause she had a strong preference and she felt that if she finds out, and its not what she hopes, it would just ruin the pregnancy and make her bummed, but if finding out at birth, she would be too overjoyed to be looking at that precious face to care. Maybe that makes sense. Why are we finding out early and risking the chance to feeling down at this absolutely precious time of life? How often do we as women get to experience growing another human? We gotta enjoy that for all its worth, even with being sick at times, its still so special.

Both your ultrasounds were really TOO EARLY to determine anything, and based on the fact that you were told differently each time, I think it could seriously go either way. I have also read that chances for a boy are slightly higher after 2 girls. So odds for boy are in your favor.
Hang in there, and let us know how it turned out. But either way, be HAPPY and BLESSED. Yeah, easier said than done I know. I went through the pain of miscarriage and infertility and know how horrific THAT is, but even I after all that get to feel bummed from hearing that it's likely not gonna be the gender I might have hoped for :)
Feelings are just feelings.. like cars that pass by on the road. Some cars just drive a whole lot slower and take longer to pass.
I hope you get your boy! But if not, trust me, 30 years from now (and much sooner actually :) lol) this will be the LAST thing on your mind!

I wouldn't lose hope, I don't think they should even be giving you 100% guesses at 11 and 13 weeks unless they have guessed at that gestation many times before and have never been wrong. I would ask for a gender guess until 16 weeks.

Your 11 week nub looks VERY boy and your 13 week one does look slightly girly but you can't see all of the baby so we have no idea how the many was lying. I would try reposting your pictures of the nub guessing forum.

I really hope you hear boy. I currently have two boys, find out in just over 2 weeks if it's a third or a daughter. It's driving me crazy. We all feel the same so please don't judge yourself, you are not a bad mum. xxxx

It really does seem too early!! If its any consolation at all you've got my dream family!

It really is too early hun. Your nub shots aren't convincingly girl to me and a potty shot is too early at this stage. I know someone who was told 99.9% girl at 13 weeks (three lines etc) that was clearly a boy at 16 weeks. Try not to lose faith yet xxx

I just wanted to say that I too know exactly how you feel. I have four boys and was hoping for a girl. I too have dreamt about her ever since I was very young. I am too very upset that I was told another boy (making that 5) at about 17 weeks. I have a feeling I am heading down a long road of healing.

Im so sorry you're feeling down, ive been in your position, I also was so hoping my 3rd was a boy, but I promise you, you will change the way you feel when she's here, my desire for a boy will be around but we're not having anymore & im ok with that.

I hope you can feel better soon, I went shopping & bought my baby a whole heap of clothes that use to make me feel a bit better.

Everyone on this forum is so amazing. I wish I could give all of you a big hug, I'm 20 weeks now and I'm happy to say that my prayers are being answered. I appreciate all the kind words and I think everyone that posted gave me some serious kind of blue vibes and major positivity. Every single one of you have been major in this pregnancy, my own family and husband couldn't find the words like you guys could. So again thank you and god bless each one of your families. =)

Oh?so it is a boy? Yayyy congrats

Are you saying you got your Boy? You must be sooo happy, Congratulations!

3littleladies Yes we are getting blessed with a little boy.

Yay that is so awesome, now you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and soon enough he will be in your arms.

I would have loved to experience an u/s like that, but I know Im done no more for me!!

Wow, what a great story! I keep telling myself that when i get my BFP I am not going to even come close to guessing gender from any u/s until at least 13 weeks or more!!
Congratulations!

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Originally Posted by Adia

Wow, what a great story! I keep telling myself that when i get my BFP I am not going to even come close to guessing gender from any u/s until at least 13 weeks or more!!
Congratulations!

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Trust me you wont be able to help yourself! I remember my 12wk u/s my gosh I was examining it like a crazy woman!