can't stop this empty feeling

[boo.turtle.love]

I feel aweful for posting this, especially since im only 13 weeks but I just feel like i can't deal. My husband and I have 2 daughters and we definitely didn't expect this baby. Our girls are only 15 months apart and now this baby will be 19 months apart from our youngest. I was on birth control and had no intention of having a baby at the moment since the girls are so young, but the minute I took that pregnancy test I was beyond excited. I have dreamed my whole life of having a baby boy and I just felt that this would be different. My husbands family has been putting a lot of pressure on me to have a boy since his whole family is made of girls. When we had went to find out the sex of our first chld I got no congratulations from him or his family for a long time and they were just eager for me to get pregnant again. Well when second pregnancy happened it was the same story. When there was no boy in my belly I had no real support, it felt like everyone went thru the actions. I had no baby shower for either girls and we just slowly accumulated the things we needed, mostly handmedowns from his sisters kids and craigslist. Now that I'm pregnant again we had a private sonogram done at 11 weeks and the tech was 100% that this is a boy. I felt amazing and my husband and his fam were so excited, they are starting to plan a baby shower. Now we went back for 2 week check up to get the package 50% off and the tech said now its for sure girl and when she didnt see a great big smile on my face she told me to get over it. I think I died, I was bonding with this baby and loving being pregnant this time. I have been active and feeling great, now I just wish I was never pregnant. I find myself thinking why did the pill have to fail, I took it every night at the same time and never missed. Why can't I make anyone happy. The family and my husband adore our girls but I know that they are kind of like the precursor to what everyone really wants. I wouldn't trade them for the world but I this baby I'm starting to wish that I could. The tech could stil be wrong but I just feel like giving up on any plans of happiness with 3 girls. This all happened this past friday and I just don't understand how the bond I had with this baby could be cut within a matter of minutes. I feel like the worst mom ever. I just want my boy not only for the family, no matter how much pressure. I want the momma's boy and to be that momma bear to him. My husband has his daddy's girls, and sometimes he will make little comments like these girls are mine and they love daddy when we have a boy he can be yours. I know he doesnt mean to hurt me even though that sounds horrible I just feel empty and lost. I feel no connection anymore. It hurts.

[boo.turtle.love]

I don't mean to paint an ugly picture of my inlaws or my husband. I love them all I just want to be happy

[aidansmum]

I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling that way With me it was the opposite, all they wanted was a girl in a family of boys and I felt the pressure. You feel a bit let down when no one congratulates you, like you failed them or something. But now I have my 3 wonderful boys and wouldn't change them for the world, girl or boy, when you see that little face for the first time, you will fall in love all over again. Try to nurture yourself. BEING ABLE TO CREATE LIFE IS AMAZING! Be proud of yourself. I'm sure the bonding will come, just give yourself time to adjust. If someone says something that hurts your feelings (people are well intentioned but careless sometimes) just give them a big smile and tell them how proud you are of your wonderful, healthy, clever babies, that will give them a hint. Lots of hugs.

[boo.turtle.love]

I appreciate that. I just feel like this baby will most likely be my last. With the way things are now more than 3 seems unrealistic. So its almost like I'm mourning something I haven't even had. Thank you for the kind words, I hope that I can soon feel content. I just fear that I may not love her when she does get here. Hugs to you and again thank you.

[grace03]

I feel your pain honey , I'm having my fourth boy ( no. Girls on either side yet ) and up until 16 weeks when I found out that this unplanned pregnancy was another boy I was excited , I am 18 weeks now and the past 2 weeks have been hard to be as excited because as you said I mourning the daughter I never had / will never have ... The excitement will come back , and you may still have a boy in there it's early days , I hope you feel better soon xx

[oxox2013]

So you were only 13 weeks pregnant when the tech told you 100% girl? Honestly I dont know how you would base a guess at that gestation and feel 100% confident about it. I dont mean to offer false hope, but there is no real way to know that early. The nub theory at best is still just a guess. I wouldnt feel as if complete hope is lost. However, I do understand your feelings. I dont know for sure the sex of my baby yet, but I do know that this will be our last child and I obsess and pray and hope on a daily basis that God has granted me the daughter that I have been dreaming of my whole life. I dont know that the emptyness you feel ever goes away. And a lot of the times I find myself wondering if a daughter really will fill the hole in my heart. Good luck to you and I hope there is good news waiting for you at 20 weeks!

[boo.turtle.love]

So you were only 13 weeks pregnant when the tech told you 100% girl? Honestly I dont know how you would base a guess at that gestation and feel 100% confident about it. I dont mean to offer false hope, but there is no real way to know that early. The nub theory at best is still just a guess. I wouldnt feel as if complete hope is lost. However, I do understand your feelings. I dont know for sure the sex of my baby yet, but I do know that this will be our last child and I obsess and pray and hope on a daily basis that God has granted me the daughter that I have been dreaming of my whole life. I dont know that the emptyness you feel ever goes away. And a lot of the times I find myself wondering if a daughter really will fill the hole in my heart. Good luck to you and I hope there is good news waiting for you at 20 weeks!

The tech did a potty shot at the 13 week scan and she was like well now there's lines so no boy after all, that's all girl get over it. Ill post the pics. It just killed me for her to be so 100% 2 weeks before, then to have the let down after. I just feel like I would resent my child later and end up upset at her for not being a boy. Its like a battle of what ifs in my head every day.

[boo.turtle.love]

This is the sonograms I have so far. I've posted it here and IG and just about everyone has said girl as well. So I feel my chances of having my baby boy are just about sunk.

[grace03]

I have a potty shot from 12 w 4 days and there are lines and nothing else. Then at my 16 weeks all boy please try to get a scan at 16 weeks it will be more accurate xxx

[boo.turtle.love]

I will for sure. I really don't want to get my hopes up anymore than they have already been let down but for the possibility that this may be a boy I'm not going to give up hope.