Problem with frequent bedding

Hi! I was planning on dtd every day from af until a positive opk BUT dh is away for 2 nights on about cd 14 and 15, I usually o about cd 21. Does this matter? Should:
1 we dtd the morning before he goes and on cd 15 he releases whilst away (tmi). Does this matter if we miss one day in me?
2. We dtd using a condom until one attempt on day of pos opk? I'm worries this has really no chance of pregnancy and the one off attempt may be a one day cut off.
3. We do the above but abstain
4. Leave this cycle and try next - do not really want to do this because of horrible diet!!!!!
Any help much appreciated, thanks!

Hi Swish - can he not just do it himself while he's away? That's 6 and 7 days before you O so you wouldn't have got pregnant then anyway.

I think I'm going to have DH do it himself until AF is finished, then use a spermicidal condom for 3 or 4 days then start doing it for real every day until I get a positive OPK. I think this will mean we do it 'for real' from around 4 days before O and stop some time (!) just before.

Wow - you have long cycles, Swish! I O on CD12, which means I only have about 4-5 days between af and O. I think with your timing you'll be fine if he just releases on his own while he's away. In fact, and I could be completely wrong on this, but on IG I think I've read several times that dtd when it's not an actual attempt can raise testosterone unnecessarily - if that's the case (and someone please correct me if I'm wrong), you might be best to hold off dtd until closer to your O date anyway.

Thank you girls!!!

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Originally Posted by Mochagirl

Wow - you have long cycles, Swish! I O on CD12, which means I only have about 4-5 days between af and O. I think with your timing you'll be fine if he just releases on his own while he's away. In fact, and I could be completely wrong on this, but on IG I think I've read several times that dtd when it's not an actual attempt can raise testosterone unnecessarily - if that's the case (and someone please correct me if I'm wrong), you might be best to hold off dtd until closer to your O date anyway.

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I believe this to be the case too. In the end, I decided to actually DTD more because I want to get pregnant and we're doing so many things to lower the chances of a pregnancy (with antihistimines, gels, lowering sperm count) that I want to up the chances. I decided to use a spermicidal condom for a few days too because it may leave behind a little spermicide which may sway pink too (lots of *mays*!).

I agree, zana - I plan to BD as much as possible, but since I have so few days between af and O, we're probably going to start dtd immediately and continue until I get a +OPK - it will only be 4-5 days anyway. I'm getting older, and I definitely want to get pregnant this month!! I just meant that if I had a long break between af and O like swish does, I might wait to start to actually dtd until closer to O since there's no way she could get pregnant anyway so far away from O. Does that make sense?

It does :D

Just checked back through my charts and actually this month I o on cycle day 18, probably different from other months because of vitex??? So now I really am confused as to what to do!

That's one of the reasons I've avoided Vitex - I'm worried it will change my cycle and I won't know when to expect O! If you're really going to O on CD 18, I say dtd a couple of nights before he leaves, have him release the 2 nights he's away, then continue dtd when he gets back until your cut-off (you said you're going to stop at a +OPK, right?)

Thanks mocha girl, yes, definately going to at positive opk

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Originally Posted by swish

Hi! I was planning on dtd every day from af until a positive opk BUT dh is away for 2 nights on about cd 14 and 15, I usually o about cd 21. Does this matter? Should:
1 we dtd the morning before he goes and on cd 15 he releases whilst away (tmi). Does this matter if we miss one day in me?
2. We dtd using a condom until one attempt on day of pos opk? I'm worries this has really no chance of pregnancy and the one off attempt may be a one day cut off.
3. We do the above but abstain
4. Leave this cycle and try next - do not really want to do this because of horrible diet!!!!!
Any help much appreciated, thanks!

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1. I would have him release on his own on days 14 and 15, DON'T skip those days because that's pretty close before O. It's ok to miss one day not releasing inside or 2 or 3, but for the benefit of his sperm count he DOES need to release every day for frequent BD to work. STart skipping days and his body can recover.

2. Actually, I think this is a pretty good sway plan. DTD with a condom (even a spermicide condom) every day until one attempt on the day of a pos. OPK. This actually has a decent shot of success - MUCH better than an O+12.

3. Equally good but abstaining will lower your odds of pg more than frequent BD because the sperm will be lower quality.

4. I don't htink you need to skip this cycle at all!!

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Originally Posted by Mochagirl

Wow - you have long cycles, Swish! I O on CD12, which means I only have about 4-5 days between af and O. I think with your timing you'll be fine if he just releases on his own while he's away. In fact, and I could be completely wrong on this, but on IG I think I've read several times that dtd when it's not an actual attempt can raise testosterone unnecessarily - if that's the case (and someone please correct me if I'm wrong), you might be best to hold off dtd until closer to your O date anyway.

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Well, releasing via masturbation lowers T levels much less.

We're already doing SO much to lower T levels, I don't think anyone needs to worry about this one. Plenty of guys DTD all the time and still father girls. I think the sperm count itself is what matters, and it's just that T seems to affect sperm numbers.

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Originally Posted by Mochagirl

I agree, zana - I plan to BD as much as possible, but since I have so few days between af and O, we're probably going to start dtd immediately and continue until I get a +OPK - it will only be 4-5 days anyway. I'm getting older, and I definitely want to get pregnant this month!! I just meant that if I had a long break between af and O like swish does, I might wait to start to actually dtd until closer to O since there's no way she could get pregnant anyway so far away from O. Does that make sense?

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Mocha, is there any way that DH can DTD twice a day?? I don't entirely feel good about 4-5 days for frequent BD, I don't think it's quite enough.

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Originally Posted by Mochagirl

That's one of the reasons I've avoided Vitex - I'm worried it will change my cycle and I won't know when to expect O! If you're really going to O on CD 18, I say dtd a couple of nights before he leaves, have him release the 2 nights he's away, then continue dtd when he gets back until your cut-off (you said you're going to stop at a +OPK, right?)

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If you look on the IG stats, a LOT of people who took vitex go onto have baby girls (although it didn't work out for me LOL). I think the vitex swyas "harder" than timing by far and one of the indicators that it's affecting you, is that it makes your cycles wonky. THat's GOOD because it means things are not the way they were. I just don't want anyone to pass up vitex because they're worried about timing, which has been studied so often and does not seem to affect gender much if at all.

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Originally Posted by zanacal

I believe this to be the case too. In the end, I decided to actually DTD more because I want to get pregnant and we're doing so many things to lower the chances of a pregnancy (with antihistimines, gels, lowering sperm count) that I want to up the chances. I decided to use a spermicidal condom for a few days too because it may leave behind a little spermicide which may sway pink too (lots of *mays*!).

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:agree: I wish it was more cut and dry but as swaying is now, there is too much voodoo involved and not enough facts to state unequivocally without "mays". New research is being done every day and I really do think we will solve the mystery within our lifetime.

I was thinking of this thread when I was lying in bed last night! I've been thinking we'll make our first attempt in August because it gives me longer on the diet and I want to lose enough weight BUT the diet is hard and I've become really obsessed (seriously, last night I dreamt I was in the supermarket looking for miracle noodles and then I picked up a packet of gluten free pasta from the shelf to check the protein content and it all fell out on the floor!) and I need to get off this ride so I can resume normal life :D

So now I'm wondering about following one of your suggestions above and DTD every day using a spermicide condom with a one off attempt at a positive OPK - and possibly having DH release himself that morning and using antihistimines and Rephresh and all that shebang. I'm highly suspect of whether I'd get pregnant but at least we'd have a chance and the next month I would try BDing several times unprotected to increase our chances (that's my original plan). I'm taking Vitex and have no idea when I will ovulate so a 'proper' cut-off would be very difficult but I just worry that if I conceived really close to O and had a boy that I'd blame our timing. I only had my Mirena out this month so I have no historical cycle to base it on - would first month with Mirena out sway at all? I guess it would be second month anyway ... I think I'll keep an eye on things and see if I get any indicators of when O is about to approach. I have some very mild abdominal tenderness last night and this morning but still a negative OPK so perhaps that will be my guide.

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

Mocha, is there any way that DH can DTD twice a day?? I don't entirely feel good about 4-5 days for frequent BD, I don't think it's quite enough.

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Even if he releases every day through af?? That would be a total of about 7 days doing self-release, then 5 days of dtd. I don't know if we'd be able to manage dtd twice a day - he's already not keen on this swaying thing and if I make it seem like too much work he might just flat out refuse.

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

If you look on the IG stats, a LOT of people who took vitex go onto have baby girls (although it didn't work out for me LOL). I think the vitex swyas "harder" than timing by far and one of the indicators that it's affecting you, is that it makes your cycles wonky. THat's GOOD because it means things are not the way they were. I just don't want anyone to pass up vitex because they're worried about timing, which has been studied so often and does not seem to affect gender much if at all.

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Ok, so you think Vitex is definitely the way to go. I wasn't planning on taking it because I thought it was for people to regulate their cycles or something like that. DS has just weaned himself so I was thinking of starting to take Saw Palmetto now. Should I take both? Or, if I were to choose between them, is Vitex the better choice? I'm on CD2 and due to O on CD12.

Hi mocha, I'm obviously not atomic but I asked a while ago about whether to take saw palmetto or vitex and she said she would take vitex. You take it from af to o so if you were going to start today!!!!

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Originally Posted by zanacal

I was thinking of this thread when I was lying in bed last night! I've been thinking we'll make our first attempt in August because it gives me longer on the diet and I want to lose enough weight BUT the diet is hard and I've become really obsessed (seriously, last night I dreamt I was in the supermarket looking for miracle noodles and then I picked up a packet of gluten free pasta from the shelf to check the protein content and it all fell out on the floor!) and I need to get off this ride so I can resume normal life :D

So now I'm wondering about following one of your suggestions above and DTD every day using a spermicide condom with a one off attempt at a positive OPK - and possibly having DH release himself that morning and using antihistimines and Rephresh and all that shebang. I'm highly suspect of whether I'd get pregnant but at least we'd have a chance and the next month I would try BDing several times unprotected to increase our chances (that's my original plan). I'm taking Vitex and have no idea when I will ovulate so a 'proper' cut-off would be very difficult but I just worry that if I conceived really close to O and had a boy that I'd blame our timing. I only had my Mirena out this month so I have no historical cycle to base it on - would first month with Mirena out sway at all? I guess it would be second month anyway ... I think I'll keep an eye on things and see if I get any indicators of when O is about to approach. I have some very mild abdominal tenderness last night and this morning but still a negative OPK so perhaps that will be my guide.

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:rofl::rofl::rofl: OMG that is hilarious. I thought I was the only one who dreamed about stuff like that!!! I feel a lot better now.

I think your plan makes TONS of sense to me. I do think first month after Mirena could sway pink, just like the first month off the pill (plus, remember the Mirena commercial??? The mom had 3 boys and then a baby girl after she got her Mirena out...that has to count for something, right??? :wink:)

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Originally Posted by Mochagirl

Even if he releases every day through af?? That would be a total of about 7 days doing self-release, then 5 days of dtd. I don't know if we'd be able to manage dtd twice a day - he's already not keen on this swaying thing and if I make it seem like too much work he might just flat out refuse.

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I think I missed the part where he was releasing every day through AF. Sorry! That would be 12 days of release and that would be fine (totally understand about the "too much work" aspect!!)

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Originally Posted by Mochagirl

Ok, so you think Vitex is definitely the way to go. I wasn't planning on taking it because I thought it was for people to regulate their cycles or something like that. DS has just weaned himself so I was thinking of starting to take Saw Palmetto now. Should I take both? Or, if I were to choose between them, is Vitex the better choice? I'm on CD2 and due to O on CD12.

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The evidence points in the direction that vitex works for people, or at the very least that it doesn't PREVENT you from getting pg with a girl. I conceived a boy on vitex and I know several others who did as well so it's no magic bullet, though.

You can take both SP and vitex. I like vitex because it is safe while nursing and because I know a lot more people who have taken it and had no ill effects from it. Not a lot of people were doing SP when I was on IG so I feel like it's more of an unknown, but at the same time, we do know for a fact that it lowers T levels.

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Originally Posted by swish

Hi mocha, I'm obviously not atomic but I asked a while ago about whether to take saw palmetto or vitex and she said she would take vitex. You take it from af to o so if you were going to start today!!!!

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If I had to make a decision between the two I would choose vitex but you CAN take both.

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

:rofl::rofl::rofl: OMG that is hilarious. I thought I was the only one who dreamed about stuff like that!!! I feel a lot better now.

I think your plan makes TONS of sense to me. I do think first month after Mirena could sway pink, just like the first month off the pill (plus, remember the Mirena commercial??? The mom had 3 boys and then a baby girl after she got her Mirena out...that has to count for something, right??? :wink:)

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Drugs aren't advertised on tv here but I like that one!! I think I'm going to BD 7 days solid after AF using a spermicidal condom then DTD once on day 13 of my cycle. It'll be a cut off of some sort - 1 day if I ovulate on day 14 as I have historically or a bit longer if Vitex delays things. I don't think I'll even bother with OPKs - I'll pretend it was an oops and if it was meant to be then it will. If/when I don't get pregnant I'll drop some of the things which prevent pregnancy and have lots more sex the next month! Heck I might even use the Acijel I spent a fortune on and just bung in some Rephresh the day after and leave it at that.

On a side note, I took my pH this morning as I think I'm around ovulation (despite negative OPKs) and I think it was about 5.5, so hard to tell with the sticks. I used some Rephresh then I took my pH a while later, then I experimented with mixing Rephresh and Acijel together in a bowl, then I added the Rephresh/Acijel combo then took pH again an hour later. Like I said, I struggle to read those sticks, but they were always a shade of orange and never a shade of green so I think that's good enough for me!

That's my philosophy as well...I think it's a waste of time/energy to worry about the diff between 5 and 5.3 like some people do! Orange is good, green is bad LOL. :agree:

Good luck!

I've never been able to take my PH - I think I have low ionic strength (is that what it's called?) since the strips never seem to change colour at all when I test. I was going to invest in a Hanna this time around but never got around to it. I figured that if I do all the other parts of the sway + take Baby Aspirin, drink CL and use Rephresh, my PH will be ok. Is that a dangerous assumption?

That's my theory too Mochagirl!

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Originally Posted by Mochagirl

I've never been able to take my PH - I think I have low ionic strength (is that what it's called?) since the strips never seem to change colour at all when I test. I was going to invest in a Hanna this time around but never got around to it. I figured that if I do all the other parts of the sway + take Baby Aspirin, drink CL and use Rephresh, my PH will be ok. Is that a dangerous assumption?

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No, and if I could only bottle that attitude I think we would have more successful sways.

Obsessively worrying about pH only feeds the T beast!! If your body thinks you need massive quantities of T it will do whatever it can to keep producing it, even if you aren't giving it as much raw materials.

I'm doing the same thing, mocha. I feel like I'm doing all I can to lower ph then I'll keep my fingers crossed! I figure the reality is, even if I test and my ph is high, what would I do? I wouldn't use more rephresh or lime or whatever so what's the point in knowing!!!