UK SMOG Wannabes - March

[zanacal]

We've not done naked potty training here - far too much mess with accidents and I think it helps when they wear pants to be able to feel that they're wet (or dirty!). I've stayed at home for the first few days at least with all of them (which is why I trained DS3 in half-term!) and then ventured out after that - with lots of spare clothes! I just spend a lot of time sitting them on the potty the first day (or two, depending how they're getting on) and getting down and reading/playing with them to keep them occupied enough to stay there, hopefully catching one or two, not making a fuss about accidents. Once they start holding their bladder for longer (DS3 did that on literally the second day!) I back off a bit and try and let them decide when it's time to go. This worked with all 3 of mine but all at different ages (DS2 didn't get it at all when we first tried so we went back in to nappies for a couple of weeks and tried again later). DS3 was probably the easiest. I did use a sticker chart with him (can't remember with the others) but only for the first few days - I find sticker charts lose their appeal after that!). Having said that, DS3 has regressed in the poo department so I'll be working on that over the Easter holidays!

I'm so desperate to hear about Inglewood's twins! There are messages on her FB page from others who have seen photos so obviously all is well - but I need details

[Babymad]

Evening all,
Keep looking for updates on these little girls! So exciting
Babymad, I totally feel exactly the same as you and know if my last chance of a girl was a boy I would spend the whole time with inner turmoil without revealing it. My dp doesn't emotionally support me at the best of times so he would be no help. Tbh I think he is desperate for a girl too and he has even said about high tech but I'm not prepared to even go there as things are pretty rubbish between us. I know he would definitely like a daughter but I get the feeling he thinks it will change me into a different more happier person. For the fact that he even said that he thought that having a daughter would make us, although another boy would put more strain on us and poss break us i thought are you for real!! No way on earth I'm going to consider bringing another baby into our relationship. To be totally honest I feel we are only together because of the boys although neither of us have said it. We struggle with the most basic of communication and I feel i get through my life on my own. Family is so important to both of us I think that is what is keeping us trudging on. I'd love for it to all work out and go back to how we were a few years ago but I'm slowly giving up hope every time another attempt at even a normal conversation ends with bad feeling. It feels more when, rather than if, we will give up altogether So sad but I'm at a loss what to do.
Charlie, you really sound like you have been to hell and back hunny xx Not sure if you were on other forums during your previous pregnancies but hope the fact that you can talk openly without any comebacks or judgements help you too.
Xxxxxx

lots of hugs hun (()). Must be hard feeling that way and not being able to talk about it all. My DH and I were in abad place a few years ago and I thought we would end up separating but we worked through it and we are happier now for it - I didn't think we had a future together to be honest so I am so pleased we tried as we were obviously meant to be together. Would you want to stay with your DH if you could sort things out? I agree counselling is a great idea - does your DH know how you feel? We are all here for you hun xxx

[Babymad]

2monkeys sorry to hear that. It's hard to be a partner when you have kids some times. Me and dh have very few deep conversations. Partly as too busy, tierd etc. Partly because we are on different planets. He lives for a laugh were I worry and plan. We have always been like that. But when I had dave he was great and spoke for me when I was vulnerable which shows he does listen some times! I hope you turn a corner soon.

Babymad I can't ask for help either. I see it as sign of failure. I hate to fail. Had a bad time at work when I went back after ds2 was born. Think I had a mini break down. Thing is no one was concerned for me even then, I hid it so well. Told dh when dave was born to take me to the docs if I showed signs of depression as I would never take myself. But I know I should! I think if people see you can function that's enough. I hope you do bounce back after baby is born. I need to post your clothes out after Easter too x

I agree - if people see that you function on a daily basis then everything must be ok! Normally I would speak to my DH more about how I am feeling and he is normally my best friend but with having a tough pg and GD issues we aren't talking about stuff properly at the mo so I miss that closeness and chance to vent - I'm sure he just doesn't want to open the can of GD worms again....so he's probably keeping his mouth shut!
Sounds like your DH is being great - hope he keeps up the good work and you continue to get the support you need x

[Babymad]

Yesterdays appointment was a total waste of time consultant not there and doctor RUBBISH so will have to call my doctor tomorrow x Depression is a hard one as it can go un-noticed for a long time and unless you have been there i dont think people understand or know what to look for. I suppose for me with my previous illnesses physically it was obvious and now people 'know' about that it is harder to hide - I mean from DH he is the only one who knows about how bad iam now and my doctor - because my illness basically broke us before and it was literally we try one last time or we walk away here and now I am aware that I dont think he would stay - i was very bad after ds1 and again our relationship almost broke down and they nearly took my baby - I am just so very thankful for my babies as they are my everything and I know without a doubt getting pregnant saved my life and my life with DH. So my DS1 will always be my saviour my miracle baby that a) should/could never have happened and b) made his mummy and daddy turn themselves around. It is hard to admit being depressed but if you ladies do ever struggle even sometimes going and venting to a doctor or even on a forum can help. My BF lives 2 hrs away and has suffered on and off too we often VENT to help us clear our heads - it doesnt mend it but it helps x I suppose as well recognising you are depressed is a major thing and coping mechanisms. For me art and crafts/ baking helps me I am currently making the baby a blanket it is a lot of hours of stitching and sewing but in my head it is my way of bonding with my baby and showing him how special he will be - i did the same with ds1 and ds3 alot of knitting happened! DS2 mentally i was very happy but he was a long time coming!! Anyway sorry for the ramble just please dont be alone if you are suffering

Sounds like you and your hubby have had a really tough time - although its great to hear you've come through it all. I hope things get easier this time too xx
I agree it is good to have a way of coping - sometimes thats where I go wrong and end up hurting those close to me as i can't express myself properly and just get very angry
Thats why you guys are a god send for me as its my only chance to talk about my feelings properly and that really helps me xx

[Babymad]

We've not done naked potty training here - far too much mess with accidents and I think it helps when they wear pants to be able to feel that they're wet (or dirty!). I've stayed at home for the first few days at least with all of them (which is why I trained DS3 in half-term!) and then ventured out after that - with lots of spare clothes! I just spend a lot of time sitting them on the potty the first day (or two, depending how they're getting on) and getting down and reading/playing with them to keep them occupied enough to stay there, hopefully catching one or two, not making a fuss about accidents. Once they start holding their bladder for longer (DS3 did that on literally the second day!) I back off a bit and try and let them decide when it's time to go. This worked with all 3 of mine but all at different ages (DS2 didn't get it at all when we first tried so we went back in to nappies for a couple of weeks and tried again later). DS3 was probably the easiest. I did use a sticker chart with him (can't remember with the others) but only for the first few days - I find sticker charts lose their appeal after that!). Having said that, DS3 has regressed in the poo department so I'll be working on that over the Easter holidays!

I'm so desperate to hear about Inglewood's twins! There are messages on her FB page from others who have seen photos so obviously all is well - but I need details

Me too Z!! Bet you are so excited about meeting your little girl soon

[Babymad]

oh and i'm in the middle of potty training ds2. Only just started the other day and although i've done it once before with ds1 i feel completely clueless.. has anyone got any good potty training tips for me? it's different this time because with ds1 i simply locked us in the house for 4 days and let him run around naked until he learned to sit on the potty when he felt the need for a wee, but i cant do that with ds2 because ds1 and ds2 would get far too bored sitting in the house all day so we still need to get on with our normal routines and i find it very hard to fit in the potty training in a normal day... :S so any tips would be very appreciated!!

Ive not really ever stayed at home - just because I've not had the opportunity so lots of fun here
I used a potty book and reward chart which have worked for mine, especially the chart
DS3 hardly used the potty and went straight onto using the loo like his older brothers, so they are all different.
I bought a fold away potty for when out and about especially as they can't hold their bladder for long at the beginning.
In he in big boy pants yet? I went shopping with mine to buy new pants so they were included in the whole 'big boy' thing

[Babymad]

Here's a bump pic I took today....32 weeks

IMG_1837.JPG

[2monkeyboys]

Aww thanks ladies,
I disappear for months at a time and when I come back you are all so lovely to me xxx
I'm not sure it's just one thing with us as tbh the only thing we have in common is the boys. So many times he talks to me with such....I don't know..disgust in his voice..? I feel like he doesn't even like me or enjoy my company as we don't talk or laugh together at all. The way I hear him talk to other people really makes me notice how different he is with me. I don't doubt he loves me but I know he doesn't actually like who I am. He is very controlling and because I'm a strong willed person too if there is something I don't agree with and I state my point he sees it as me being deliberately bloody minded or stubborn. Often I say something and he totally hears something completely different and starts a row. I try to explain what I have said but he repeats what I say in a mocking voice, accentuating different parts of what I have actually said as if to confirm to himself that all I do is nag him. He will then end up shouting me down to which I just shut up as otherwise it will be "go on, pack your bags, go back to your mums.." I'm not afraid to walk away but once I do that will be it. No backwards and forwards. Not sure if he thinks I would go. I do get very upset when we argue but i more feel that it's because I'm grieving for our relationship as opposed to just the argument at the time. Another hard thing is when I hear things from his side he is 100% sure of how things are and to an outsider he is very believable and even I think gees if I didn't know better I'd be feeling sorry for him. It makes me very sad for the boys but i think we just aren't suited anymore I don't want to end up hating each other and I truly think that if we tried counselling etc the pressure on us to make it work might just push things the other way. Really need to talk but it's very hard and scary to get things out as once said words can't be taken back and I'm still not sure if he feels the same or hes burying his head in the sand and it will be a massive shock to him..then the fireworks which I need to be prepared for. Defo need to get him to speak first me thinks!
Sunset, my ds2 is 3 on 29th April and he is still in pull ups! He generally only does what he wants to do and toilet training is really hard with him. If I regularly put him on the loo he will squeeze a wee but left to his own devices he won't. Tried pants, rewards and nakedness and he will just stand next to me saying "I'm doing a wee". Once better weather is here I will keep him in pants outside as less mess. He is a little monkey! Ds1 was toilet trained pretty quick but he still has a pull up at night as he sleeps very deeply and has the worst bladder control ever. Because he is very bright with other stuff I'm not worried but I do want to give up the nappies!!
Babymad you have one lovely bump So glad you sorted through your past probs with your dh.
Charlie, when I hear what you have been through it makes my dilemmas seem a walk in the park. You sound very determined to keep on top of things and making your bubs his blanket is lovely. I love your profile pic on fb btw. Every time I see your pics of your ds3 on fb I always click on them and just look at him. He truly is the cutest thing ever.
Hope today has been a good day maybe xx
Hi to everyone else too Hope you are enjoying Easter hols xxxx

[charlieispy]

2monkeys you know we are all always here for you whatever happens and whatever comes of all this x god I know i have disappeared or not posted for ages then just vent about all my problems and all you lovely ladies just listen and thats sometimes all you need to be heard x everyone has their own issues and problems and although I have struggled in other ways I am so very lucky - yin & yang. DS3 is my cutie he is also V cheeky - he is currently awake :/ and walking round the house with DHs work bag waving goodbye and going to work!!! I hope you can talk to DH when you feel ready and I know you will make the right choices you have wise words x

As for the potty training the choosing pants thing definitely helps x although ds3 was only 19months and too young for that incentive stickers too - TBH i am still in shock he is dry!

[charlieispy]

babymad - OMG gorgeous bumpage!!! Who the hell keeps telling you are huge that is so neat for 32wks!!! Loving your bedspread too you too are a godsend to us hun x