ever been in my shoes?

[envisioned]

I have a good friend who has a DD and just had her DS. I still haven't been able to go over and visit her to meet him. Immature? Of course. But it's either I take the time, a deep breath and get his present and suck it up when I'm ready. Or I start crying in front of her (she doesn't know about my GD and this entire pregnancy for her has been emotionally trying for me to hear about her joy).
So you're not alone. This is a very common feeling here.

[Mommabee]

I know exactly what you're feeling, too. After pouring blood, sweat, tears and time (literally!) into concieving DS2, I was convinced that he was a girl. One of my good friends (ex-bff, known her over 16 years) decided all last minute to start TTC #1 -this was a woman who didn't even know what ovulation was, who had never obsessed over a pee-stick, who had never experienced the devastation of TTC for a year. and BLAM, she's pregnant first try- not even a month later! I was happy for her though and imagined that we would have girls together. Well, needless to say, at 16 weeks I found out BOY and 4 weeks later (she was due a few days after me) she found out GIRL. Just like that.

I was devastated initially. I mean, really and truly devastated. In the 4 weeks since I'd found out she had made a plethora of unsupportive comments including "just be happy he's healthy" and (my personal favorite) "omg! I don't know what I'm going to do if this isn't a girl...I mean...uh...the only reason I want a girl is because I already have a name picked out". She made sure to let me know that if she wanted a girl it wasn't because she was SELFISH like me but because she couldn't figure out a boy name? *Bullshit. LOL =P Well, when she found out the comments just continued and they became so hurtful that we barely ever talk now. She said things like "I'm sooooo happy I'm having a girl! And I'm the only one [out of our friend circle]!" and "here you can have all these clothes someone gave me...I would keep them but they are just way too boyish to put on my daughter" um....okay? Thanks. LOL.

Now that I've made you "read your eyes off" I'll get to my point... I would stay away from toxic friends like that you are only so happy to settle some imaginary score by one-upping you.

[kpmum]

My oldest sister has the only girl in the family (well until Lillian is born ) and at Christmas (when I was ovulating nonetheless) I was filling in the other sister about what I've done to sway and I was really happy just talking about the cool facts and nuggets I've learned, and my oldest sister was pissy, and said it wouldn't work, I'd end up with boy 3, yada yada....anyway, once she found out I was having a girl, she wasn't happy, and made up a BS excuse to avoid my second son's bday party...

Also, one of my closer friends (not so close now after you read what I'm about to say!) has an 18 year old daughter and a 5 year old son. She has gone on and on about how boys are better (though her daughter and her are super tight and love to go shopping together). Anyway, we used to work at the same job and she knew how badly I wanted a DD when I was prego with DS2, and fast forward a few months, we had lunch and I told her about swaying and how I was going to try one last time to get a girl. She informed me that my husband can only shoot boys (Glad to see she's a DR now) and that it wasn't worth the effort. I told her I always wanted a big family and I'd take my gamble.

Then I texted her that I was having a girl, and she said I'd regret it, that girls are horrible (yet, remember her daughter and her are super close), and that I would wish one day that I had a 3rd boy instead.....Needless to say, she keeps asking me to go to lucnh with her, but I don't need that kind of negativity in my life and I don't need someone (an alleged friend at that) to make me feel crappy about a wish that has been granted for me.

People can be really shitty sometimes. I think if you want to move your HT plans up, that you go for it only if it's right for you. You will get your DD. Some people (friends and family included) get very shitty when it comes to gender desire or what not. For my sister, she wanted me to have boy 3 because she wanted her daughter to be the only one and to remain that "special only" girl. For my friend, I don't know what issue is. She says one thing and does another, I don't understand it.

You will get your DD. This friend is insecure and obviously seeks pleasure from rubbing things in your face. I don't know if is a friend worth having around?

Yes it is a wonder why people act the way they do. I tend to distance myself from my friend for a while if she starts carrying on with "all the wonderful things she has in life and how perfect her life is" (puke) and she must sense it and next time we do see each other she holds back her gloating. Maybe she is aware of it. I know she does it to many of our friends in regarding other areas of life but the baby girl thing bothered me as having a daughter is something I have always dreamed of. I definately agree it is a insecurity thing on their part why they feel they must gloat and say things that make other people feel bad and bring themselves up. I think the only thing all of us here that experience this should do is put distance on those people for a while until we can not give a rats arse about them!!

[deaks66]

Hi kpmum, you're not being silly at all! I find it unbearably hard when i hear each of my friends announce they are having a girl and they don't even make the rude comments! I too am going HT next year and i haven't even had the baby im carrying yet!

[Mollymaybe]

I'm exactly the same. One of my friends has a PP and since her DD was born 8 years ago she has rubbed her in my face every time I've seen her! She has often told me and DH to not bother trying for a girl because it'll just be a boy....or...why don't I have a girl for you since I obviously can have girls!!.....so annoying. When I was pregnant with DS 3 she was terrified it would be a girl! The relief when I said boy was obvious! She even came to a 34 week scan with me while DH was working and Actually butted into the scan and asked for her to check the sex, just to make sure! When she saw the boy parts for herself, she was visibly relieved! So sad! Anyhow, my point, she has always been jealous of me and DH for some stupid reason and I think she was so worried that I'd get the only thing she had that I didn't! She needed to have the one thing me and DH wanted the most. Me and DH have decided to distance ourselves from them now. They obviously don't care too much for us. She's pregnant now, with a boy thank goodness! I'm just looking forward to the day when I can tell her I'm pregnant...with a girl! (just starting pgd #3) And imagine if I end up with twins! Lol! I'll have more girls than her!

[kpmum]

It's nice to know we r not alone! I think there is always r jealously thing too when someone feels as though they have to rub other people's noses in their 'successes' I will definately NOT tell her or anyone else when we undertake HT as I can only imagine the talking behind my back!!

[kpmum]

I'm exactly the same. One of my friends has a PP and since her DD was born 8 years ago she has rubbed her in my face every time I've seen her! She has often told me and DH to not bother trying for a girl because it'll just be a boy....or...why don't I have a girl for you since I obviously can have girls!!.....so annoying. When I was pregnant with DS 3 she was terrified it would be a girl! The relief when I said boy was obvious! She even came to a 34 week scan with me while DH was working and Actually butted into the scan and asked for her to check the sex, just to make sure! When she saw the boy parts for herself, she was visibly relieved! So sad! Anyhow, my point, she has always been jealous of me and DH for some stupid reason and I think she was so worried that I'd get the only thing she had that I didn't! She needed to have the one thing me and DH wanted the most. Me and DH have decided to distance ourselves from them now. They obviously don't care too much for us. She's pregnant now, with a boy thank goodness! I'm just looking forward to the day when I can tell her I'm pregnant...with a girl! (just starting pgd #3) And imagine if I end up with twins! Lol! I'll have more girls than her!

Ha ha- good luck- lucky number 3- put 2 back and get one up on her!! Will be following ur journey xxx

[kpmum]

Hi kpmum, you're not being silly at all! I find it unbearably hard when i hear each of my friends announce they are having a girl and they don't even make the rude comments! I too am going HT next year and i haven't even had the baby im carrying yet!

Don't worry- I planned to go HT as soon as I found out my DS2 was a boy at 12 weeks. I think that is way my GD was minimal. Good luck!

[toomanyboys]

I know exactly what you're feeling, too. After pouring blood, sweat, tears and time (literally!) into concieving DS2, I was convinced that he was a girl. One of my good friends (ex-bff, known her over 16 years) decided all last minute to start TTC #1 -this was a woman who didn't even know what ovulation was, who had never obsessed over a pee-stick, who had never experienced the devastation of TTC for a year. and BLAM, she's pregnant first try- not even a month later! I was happy for her though and imagined that we would have girls together. Well, needless to say, at 16 weeks I found out BOY and 4 weeks later (she was due a few days after me) she found out GIRL. Just like that.




vastated initially. I mean, really and truly devastated. In the 4 weeks since I'd found out she had made a plethora of unsupportive comments including "just be happy he's healthy" and (my personal favorite) "omg! I don't know what I'm going to do if this isn't a girl...I mean...uh...the only reason I want a girl is because I already have a name picked out". She made sure to let me know that if she wanted a girl it wasn't because she was SELFISH like me but because she couldn't figure out a boy name? *Bullshit. LOL =P Well, when she found out the comments just continued and they became so hurtful that we barely ever talk now. She said things like "I'm sooooo happy I'm having a girl! And I'm the only one [out of our friend circle]!" and "here you can have all these clothes someone gave me...I would keep them but they are just way too boyish to put on my daughter" um....okay? Thanks. LOL.

Now that I've made you "read your eyes off" I'll get to my point... I would stay away from toxic friends like that you are only so happy to settle some imaginary score by one-upping you.

OMG...its like reading my own post.....i think there must be somthing like a collective of people with the same dark souls.....i have had a friend (now ex-friend) who does that with EVERYTHING.....ONE MINUTE SHE WOULD CUSS HER OWN SISTER DOWN TOP TO BOTTOM.....the next she knows i don't have any sisters (she will be like....OH I LOVE MY SISTER I WOULDNT KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO WITHOUT HER.....and as god has it she had 2 girls in a row no trying no effort no nothing this is someone who never was serious of having kids treated her hubby like crap wanted to even have an AffAIR (I STOPPED HER) and has done nothng but take take take from m everyone who has crossed her path esp me....then she decides one day finally after i talk sense into her that she is nearing 40 and should get started....and BAM THE NEXT MONTH SHE SHOWs me her BFP!!!! bam 20 weeks after that she tells me she is having a girl!!!!and i am in the midts of worrying dieting being there for all my family and being a good wife to my DH and a good mum tio my kids sacrifising alot on the way...and having s miscariages!!!!!!!!!!!!..i don't get how this all works i really don't!!!...a question i will persoanlly like to ask god one day!!!!!

[Dreams*]

great topic, yes I'm in those shoes right now, my friend just had a lil girl and another friend is pregnant with her first child, a lil girl....when both of them told me, I was over the moon for both but deep down my jealously just brought me to tears. But that is why I joined this site to hopefully gain knowledge on sway for girl, but I know I will be just as happy if I end up having another boy, for myself knowing that I did try ;0)