First miscarriage, this sucks

[LacePrincess]

Thanks ladies. I know I've just been incredibly lucky to have never had one before with 3 kids, it was my turn I guess.

Rainbow, my LP was really crappy before last month, the most it got to was 10 days but that was also due to fully weaning only a few months ago. So everything was still out of whack. I started B6 this past cycle since it's worked before to help my LP, and I think it did make a difference. My temps were very high and stayed high with no post O dips, and no spotting until the leadup to the m/c, so I am pleased about that.

Aussie, I'm very very sorry about your recent loss too. It certainly does help a lot to be able to move on right away. Fx for both of us this month!

[rainbowflower]

things should improve fast after weaning, then. I wish you a speedy rainbow baby too

[cvd]

Ah so sorry to hear hope you get a sticky bean soon!

[black&gold]

So sorry to hear about your loss. I really hope next month you see a BFP!!

[BabyGirl4Me]

So sorry to hear the news. Big hugs and lots of good thoughts and prayers coming your way.

[jennaesue]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Lace. Fingers crossed you get knocked up again quickly, and this time it's sticky!

[Pangea]

I'm so sorry LacePrincess. I hope you get another BFP quickly.

[Goodus]

I'm sorry for your loss Lace, hope you have a sticky bean next cycle

[LacePrincess]

Thanks for all the kind words everyone.

I feel awful today.

I dunno, I felt ok and eager to move on when I knew I was losing this one. No biggie, just a late AF, right?

Today I just feel empty and lonely and lost. Aimless. I've never seen the bean as a person yet so early, just a little blob of cells, but for some reason yesterday and today I kept aching for that baby that never will be. It doesn't help that I saw the envelope that I'd written on to present the bfp to hubby on the counter, all the happy little sticker hearts just stabbed me in mine.

I know this is normal and part of the grieving process, and it's good that I'm not in denial and all. Unfortunately my OCD is really wanting to rage out of control, probably because in an attempt to control things after experiencing this m/c that was completely out of control.

I do understand all this intellectually, I'm a smart woman. But it still doesn't help heal the heart any faster, does it?

Stupid stupid stupid too, I keep having faint hope that the hpt's will start showing + again (I'm still POAS just to make sure they go properly back to negative.) Stupid.

This really hurts and crying doesn't make it any better, it just upsets the kids. I hug my 3yo so hard all day yesterday (he was mystified!) but it's still not the same.

I've never been one to think of a pregnancy this early as a person yet, but I know some people name or have ceremonies for their lost angels. Does it help? Not something I would've ever considered but maybe I can do a little something (dunno, bury the HPTs?) if it brings closure.

[Sihaya]

I am so sorry for your loss, LP. I wish I could come over and make you some tea and give you a hug and just sit with you. There's just no explaining how we experience grief.

For me, it helped a lot to name the two babies I lost. My older son is aware of the losses and we talk about them to him by name when he asks. My losses were at 9 and 10 weeks, but they were missed miscarriages, so only about 5 weeks along. I also was able and wanted to bury the remains. I always wanted to get stepping stones or plant special plants to put in that part of the yard, but we never got around to it and then ended up moving away.

Even though it doesn't seem logical or smart, do what you feel like you need to and feel sad for as long as you need to. A lot of people judged me for "wallowing" after my second loss, but in the end, my healing is complete and I have no regrets (well, maybe my behavior in public a few times, but certainly not over how long I grieved).