HT why or why not...?

[envisioned]

If I had the money I'd be doing HT absolutely no questions asked. I don't want another baby. I want a DS. The irony is I'd be fine having another DD (for a 4th) IF I got my DS next. Isn't that insane? For me at the point I am in right now, never mind what my dream family of only boys was. That's out of the question obviously. So right now, I just want one DS. I would willingly get pregnant next with boy/girl twins as long as one was boy.

Don't feel guilty for admitting that or feeling that either. That's what is great about this place. You can talk this out with people going through similar emotions that you can't talk to other people about in real life.

[Waiting4Daisy]

HT really isn't an option for me. Not available here, would mean travelling which really isn't a possibility, money we don't have etc. I think it's easier to have it taken completely off the table. It's try naturally and be ok with another son or don't try at all.

But then I'm in a position like you, where I absolutely adore boys and have no issues having more boys, I just want a daughter too. I think that makes it easier. If I absolutely did not want another boy I would not be TTC, and since I can't afford high tech I'd just be done having babies. For me, 3 boys was better than 2 boys, 4 boys is better than 3 etc... But no. I don't think it would be for me. Ethically, financially. Something doesn't sit right about it with me personally.

[auroara78]

envisoned, it's not insane.

Now that I got my DD "locked in", I know I'd be fine having a boy 4th. Hubby wants 4 now, and if the last is a boy, he is welcome and will complete my family, and the pressure for a girl will be "off" because we will have one.

[KidAtHeart]

Well, I've definitely been in your shoes. I'm looking at my second cycle not working out, and I'm nearly 40. For a few days this week I definitely panicked and thought - wait, I could have another, I'm okay with a boy or a girl! And maybe it's because the thought of being *done* was overwhelming, so final. And then I thought, that is SO crazy, bc if I'm okay with having another boy (I have 3), why the hell did I go HT??

It's a crazy roller-coaster ride, and honestly, every day brings up a different emotion, often not ones I thought I would experience. So I have to go with what I have felt like the most - which is, I want to be done with the baby-making phase (unless it's a girl) and move on with my life - so no, not fall pregnant on my own. And the second emotion I felt the most is, I really really want a girl. So, like you, we could afford a couple of cycles comfortably (not that anyone wants to spend money this way), and I didn't want to have any regrets. So here we are. It's not quite over for me, but it's not looking good either... I can't say I'm less sad about not having a girl, but I can say that I am glad I went HT. I didn't have another baby (I'd rather gamble money than a fourth boy) that would send me into GD again. We did everything to try to make my dream come true, so truly, there are no regrets. I still can't believe my husband went along with this, so it's actually made our marriage stronger.

I had an hour of counseling included in my cycle, and the therapist was wonderful. She is in her 60s and said now that she looks back and tries to live with no regrets. That I should never be upset about spending the $$, bc in a lifetime, $20,000 is not a lot of money (well, she said it better, but you get the gist).

I still think what I did was totally crazy, and before I had GD myself, I would have thought that anyone taking these extremes was crazy too. But honestly, I'm not sorry about it. I didn't hurt anyone and I went for what I wanted. The only thing to take away the sadness would be having a girl, but at least I could do something about the what-ifs and the regrets. Good luck to you. The worst that can happen is that you wind up with no baby, but the best could be that your dream comes true.

[ocean]

Reopening this older thread b/c it helped me a lot. I have been somewhat torturing myself about going HT for a couple months now (basically since birth of #2), going on consults etc. I even question if my reasons for wanting my DG are 'good enough' -- what if I'm just reacting to other peoples' reactions, or with society's idea of the perfect family, and I don't REALLY REALLY want this enough to justify HT? If I just wait out the 'baby years' maybe I'll be ok with what I have -- which as the quote goes, is more than I ever thought I'd get, if I think back years ago when I thought I'd never meet a DH!!

I guess I just have to go with my gut, that I'm going to regret NOT trying HT more than I'd regret it failing. I don't know what qualifies as 'good enough' reasons for wanting my DG, but maybe it's enough to know that I dream of holding my DG in my arms, that's it's currently the sole dream I ache for, and I'm starting to believe I'm worthy enough to give it a try.

[RKT Mama]

After 1 failed sway and 3 boys I decided to go HT. Had to travel to do it so huge cost and inconvenience but I found the IVF process way easier than I expected. Went well till I arrived back at the clinic (on my own) to get embryos put back only to be told of the 5 that survived, 1 was an abnormal male, 1 was an abnormal female and the rest they couldn't find DNA. Had to make heartbreaking choice on what to do. Rang DH but was told it was my choice. Put 2 of the 3 back but spent the next 2 weeks praying that if at least one of them wasn't a girl I wouldn't fall pregnant.
Didn't fall pregnant but found the whole thing very traumatic. If I was willing to take the risk on gender, why do IVF anyway?
A few months later I started regretting not storing DHs sperm at the fertility clinic because I could have gone back much easier to try again.
We did a full on sway and I thought I was okay with another baby rather than obsessing on the gender but once I was pregnant all the GD feelings came straight back and I have spent the entire pregnancy obsessing on the gender. Even after my anatomy scan showed a girl I am still struggling to bond with this baby as I keep wondering if they are wrong and having recurring dreams that the baby comes out a boy and I have to pretend to be happy even though I am dying inside.
If I had to do things over I would probably find a way to do HT again for that certainty which seems ridiculous because I have hopefully got what I wanted for no cost.

[desperate4blue]

After 1 failed sway and 3 boys I decided to go HT. Had to travel to do it so huge cost and inconvenience but I found the IVF process way easier than I expected. Went well till I arrived back at the clinic (on my own) to get embryos put back only to be told of the 5 that survived, 1 was an abnormal male, 1 was an abnormal female and the rest they couldn't find DNA. Had to make heartbreaking choice on what to do. Rang DH but was told it was my choice. Put 2 of the 3 back but spent the next 2 weeks praying that if at least one of them wasn't a girl I wouldn't fall pregnant.
Didn't fall pregnant but found the whole thing very traumatic. If I was willing to take the risk on gender, why do IVF anyway?
A few months later I started regretting not storing DHs sperm at the fertility clinic because I could have gone back much easier to try again.
We did a full on sway and I thought I was okay with another baby rather than obsessing on the gender but once I was pregnant all the GD feelings came straight back and I have spent the entire pregnancy obsessing on the gender. Even after my anatomy scan showed a girl I am still struggling to bond with this baby as I keep wondering if they are wrong and having recurring dreams that the baby comes out a boy and I have to pretend to be happy even though I am dying inside.
If I had to do things over I would probably find a way to do HT again for that certainty which seems ridiculous because I have hopefully got what I wanted for no cost.

Hi

I have three girls. After my 3rd dd I have done nothing but this about HT. I think I want to atleast give this a go once! I was under the impression that I may get over GD after a while but it just seems to get stronger.. The good thing is that a while after having a baby u can start to think about things more logically. Its a good job your sway worked. Which clinic did u go to if u dont mind me asking?

[RKT Mama]

Hi

I have three girls. After my 3rd dd I have done nothing but this about HT. I think I want to atleast give this a go once! I was under the impression that I may get over GD after a while but it just seems to get stronger.. The good thing is that a while after having a baby u can start to think about things more logically. Its a good job your sway worked. Which clinic did u go to if u dont mind me asking?

We went to a doctor in South Africa but I believe it is now illegal there now. Only found out afterwards that I was only his 3rd patient doing PGD for gender and I suspect the lab mucked it up.

[twinsforme]

Glad to see all these posts, they really help!