Some thoughts on OCD

[Pebbles&BamBam]

It's so true - adoption is PAINFULLY hard. And expensive!!

I just watched a documentary on Netflix last night called "It's a girl" which is about gendercide in India and China. About how girls are just not 'good enough'. I often feel like we have that discrimination in reverse in North America, though of course not thankfully to the degree of infanticide or selective abortion. But still, we are so gender biased against boys it really drives me insane. Things like this article don't make it any easier AT ALL:

The Economist explains: Why girls do better at school than boys | The Economist

Articles like this one just PISS ME OFF and is full of soooo many unfair gender stereotypes against boys I just want to rage and scream. I feel like in North America us boy moms are constantly fighting the fight against this ridiculous notion that all boys are hyper creatures who have no attention spans or book smart intellects and aren't good for anything but rough and tumble sports and videogames. It just makes me SO ANGRY!

I feel like this might depend on the area of North America you live in, the preference for boys vs girls. I live in the Northern US, primarily farming outside of the few major cities and boys are very much preferred. I don't think you can generalize the entire continent? And food for thought, if you had only girls, maybe you would have a different perspective...i.e. North Americans prefer boys? I had GD after having one girl in the US, and I don't feel like I'm the only one who was hit with negative comments regarding girls...it definitely might depend on the region, but please don't assume the preference for girls exists everywhere in NA. I am now pregnant with a boy, and have yet to encounter one negative comment regarding having a boy, and I feel as though I am very aware of any gender related comments.

[atomic sagebrush]

I think there's a strong preference for "pigeon pairs" in a lot of N. Am and it makes it feel like those of us who have only one or the other feels like a conspiracy or something. I also live in a farming area in the North and I felt like everyone was in my face about having a girl, but I def. know of others who had all girls who were also getting comments about it at the same time.

I do think there's a strong pref. for just girls or only girls amongst a certain and possibly more vociferous group of people, though.

I keep coming back in my mind to how much of this has to do with marketing...while I do think that gender desire is innate, there is just such a push to buy the "girl stuff" and the "boy stuff" and how it's like you're missing out if you don't get to do both, yk?

[LacePrincess]

I feel like this might depend on the area of North America you live in, the preference for boys vs girls. I live in the Northern US, primarily farming outside of the few major cities and boys are very much preferred. I don't think you can generalize the entire continent? And food for thought, if you had only girls, maybe you would have a different perspective...i.e. North Americans prefer boys? I had GD after having one girl in the US, and I don't feel like I'm the only one who was hit with negative comments regarding girls...it definitely might depend on the region, but please don't assume the preference for girls exists everywhere in NA. I am now pregnant with a boy, and have yet to encounter one negative comment regarding having a boy, and I feel as though I am very aware of any gender related comments.

Well fair enough. I apologize for generalizing.

For sure in the regions I grew up in there is a strong preference for girls. It's rather hard to not notice, especially when shopping and finding nothing but girl clothes and accessories and a token single shelf of boy things.

I also got an awful lot of snide anti-boy comments even with my very first son.

Atomic - I agree that pigeon pairs are the 'golden' family makeup. However it sure seems that two girls are better accepted than two boys, at least where I live.

[Pebbles&BamBam]

I do agree with the PP, I had a strong desire for a DS first and then a DD, and have no clue what my experience would have been had I had 2 DS or 2DD, but I do know all gender comments regarding each of my children has dramatically decreased. People just don't have much to say, nor can they really, so after suffering from very bad GD, it's nice to have some relief. Although I do crave for another family member to have a DD as their first, all of my extended family has either all boys or a few boys then a girl, and I feel quite alone and wish to share the experience of someone else in my close circle having a girl first

[Pebbles&BamBam]

Sorry you got snide anti boy comments with your first! Regardless of gender, I think its so hard to get slammed with gender comments, especially with your first. I mean doesn't a woman have enough going nk during her first pregnancy to no have fend off gender comments? Although never acceptable, at least in later pregnancies you know how much you will love your child and how much they add to your life!

[maidentomother]

I would not be surprised if boys are more preferred/less snubbed in more rural communities. I think the girl preference is generally urban. Quite possibly there are class issues too but not sure I should go there!

[trifecta]

I keep coming back in my mind to how much of this has to do with marketing...while I do think that gender desire is innate, there is just such a push to buy the "girl stuff" and the "boy stuff" and how it's like you're missing out if you don't get to do both, yk?

I think advertising is absolutely one of the biggest sources of this. I think pigeon pairs are over-represented in advertising because it is a sort of generic model for a family and it shows a product is good for everyone. I understand why advertisers do it but when nearly every image of a family you see has two opposite sex parents, a boy, and a girl it has an effect on how people view families that don't fit this model.

[gizmo77]

I come from a family of ocd. I'm not diagnosed but I acknowledge some of my tendencies. Then I hear my kids saying "weird" things and asking me why I do certain things. So far it hasn't interfered with my life but occasionally there will be tiny things like leaving the house late bc I want to empty my bladder. I can't use public restrooms. I do bc I'm forcing and talking myself into it and mostly to show my kids it's normal.
But I have 3 girls? When I 1st came on this site ready to sway, I was like " but I DO eat like that (or want to eat like that) or I AM like that...rigid, etc."

I think that's why it didn't work for me bc I didn't really change myself dramatically. It was more k allowed myself to be what I always wanted. But I always held back bc of gaining weight and not being liked.

I also wonder why there are so many posters on here who desire girls. I was in fact shocked at 1st. Doesn't everyone want a boy???

But I have resolved to eventually give up (tho i don't know if I truly can deep down) only bc I know I can't keep going HT forever. We don't have that money and I would feel just awful "damaging" our family based on my selfish desires. And I see my girls' faces and I woukdnt bear to look into them had I putpisrlh put us in debt at their cost of enjoyment. But the I think, I'll just go back to work and that will be HT money. So I don't knowif it will ever end?

[1+2+3boys]

My boys are all going to go to a Montesorri school so hoping that will do wonders for them. I salut parents who home school. I can't wait to get 'my break' lol.
I think ADD people can have some OCD tendancies like I do, even some aspegers. Maybe it has something to do with my GD but I have never thought about it before. Maybe I am procrastinating on other important things in life I should be doing by thinking I first need a girl to be complete. Who knows, could be. Us ADDers sure love to dream though and I dreamed from a young age what my family make-up would be like and it included both genders (with more boys). That's what I grew up in being the eldest of a GGB family and the media does not help. That is what I experienced and saw family as and so it has to be for me to feel complete I think.

THere is the Mum, the Dad then the boys AND girls. I always felt sorry for families of three or more of all one gender. IMO back then people with two hadn't tried enough so didn't think bad of them. And now that is me lol and I don't feel sorry for myself at all because I got the best boys in the world. I was ignorant. I am still pretty pissed off though that I did not get to "Have it all" I'm so stubborn.

I always liked balance though too to a certain degree. I would have to have 2 boys and a girl or three boys and two girls but I didn't want that many so thought I would have to just have three. Now I am happy to compromise. Just one daughter please is all I wish for.

Oh and I used to not be able to put two different coloured pegs on an item on the washing line and I couldn't drink water without counting. I had to have 7 or 10 gulps at once. I don't have time for any of that now though so dropped the washing thing but sometimes still do the water thing

[1+2+3boys]

Also I have always been highly more attracted to odd numbers. I always loved to be different