Do PP families "get" to have GD??

[Debahlgrim]

I had some pretty significant GD when I found out DS2 was a boy. And because I have one of each I felt even worse because no one understood why I would possibly feel any disappointment. Every time I looked at my beautiful DS1 I would kick myself and think 'how can you not be happy to be having another beautiful little boy?' but I had really really wanted another girl for a variety of reasons. 1) when I had DD I was young and it was a surprise pregnancy. The whole pregnancy was a blur and I was very anxious. I also suffered with PND for the first 6 months of her life so I felt like I never got the chance to be excited or celebrate having a little girl. 2) I always wanted a sister desperately (my brother and I are like chalk and cheese) and naturally I really want my DD to get the opportunity to have a sister, 3) I had always seen myself with two girls and a boy. Silly I know but it was my *dream* family and 4) my very best friend in the world was pregnant two weeks ahead of me with a girl and I really wanted to have a girl too so they could grow up together and hopefully be best friends as well!
So you see I had all these hopes and dreams all intermingled in with the gender of my third baby, so when she was in fact a he all this came crashing down. It was so hard to reconcile because I already had a girl, and I also had a gorgeous little boy who I was obsessed with, so I felt like I had absolutely no right to experience GD. Sometimes on this forum I still feel like that because I see women so desperate for just one girl and I am in the nice position to already have one.

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I have a girl and two boys. I definitely experienced GD when I found out about DS2. I just have a little brother and we were close when we were little but not since. I see how close sisters are and I wanted (and want) that for my DD. I was so sure that DS2 was a girl that when we found out I was devastated. I convinced DH to try for baby #4 and I am really hoping for a girl but even with all the swaying I'm convinced it will be a DS3. That being said, especially after being on this site, I am very thankful I have a daughter and even if I end up with three little boys in a row, I have my daughter. I cannot imagine how upset I would be if I only had boys.


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[familymatters]

I have a girl and two boys. I definitely experienced GD when I found out about DS2. I just have a little brother and we were close when we were little but not since. I see how close sisters are and I wanted (and want) that for my DD. I was so sure that DS2 was a girl that when we found out I was devastated. I convinced DH to try for baby #4 and I am really hoping for a girl but even with all the swaying I'm convinced it will be a DS3. That being said, especially after being on this site, I am very thankful I have a daughter and even if I end up with three little boys in a row, I have my daughter. I cannot imagine how upset I would be if I only had boys.


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We are kindred spirits! My brother is younger too and although we were close as kids unfortunately that didn't continue into adulthood. I never longed for a sister as a child but as an adult I'd give almost anything to have a sister! Im forever jealous of my friends with sisters. It's nice know I'm not the only one with both genders who are still desperate for another DD. I agree that we are very lucky to already have a DD though. DH doesn't get it though at all. However he's reluctantly going along with me if I insist on having another. I'm really frightened to though because I'm worried about how I'll feel if I have another DS. I don't want 4 children to be honest, but I want one more DD to complete our family. When are you having your first attempt?

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[Debahlgrim]

We are kindred spirits! My brother is younger too and although we were close as kids unfortunately that didn't continue into adulthood. I never longed for a sister as a child but as an adult I'd give almost anything to have a sister! Im forever jealous of my friends with sisters. It's nice know I'm not the only one with both genders who are still desperate for another DD. I agree that we are very lucky to already have a DD though. DH doesn't get it though at all. However he's reluctantly going along with me if I insist on having another. I'm really frightened to though because I'm worried about how I'll feel if I have another DS. I don't want 4 children to be honest, but I want one more DD to complete our family. When are you having your first attempt?

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Yes exactly! I feel guilty because I think I would have been content with three if DS2 was a DD. DS2 is so stinkin cute and he is the most cuddly boy ever! Im completely in love with him so I'm SO happy now! And looking at my sweet adorable boys makes me feel like it would be ok if I had DS3 but I feel like four kids would be totally worth it if it was a girl! My hubby is absolutely only going along with baby #4 because of me and I just want to make it extra worth it ya know?

I'm waiting to get my personalized plan but I have been dieting with weight watchers since June and I have lost 12 pounds so I'm reeeeally hoping Atomic thinks it's a good idea if I start TTC in October! I just started the 60min cardio. What about you? When are you going to TTC? What have you been doing to sway?


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[familymatters]

My DS2 is so cute I get stopped all the time to be told by strangers just how delicious he is. Both my boys are delightful, and besides my obsession with having another daughter I am very very happy and thankful for the 3 kids I have. Good on you for loosing weight! I have been on the diet (vegetarian) and exercise since June. I'm truly over it. We missed ttc this month cause hubby had a freak out but should be back on track in October.

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[Debahlgrim]

Awe sweet little boys!!

I haven't been doing the vegetarian route at all but I haven't been eating too much protein either so hopefully that's ok. I hope you get your girl!! Keep me updated!


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[Debahlgrim]

And I am SO over it too!! I want to try soon so I can stop this madness!


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[atomic sagebrush]

Yes I think you're good to go in Oct. Deb.

It is really interesting to me because I DID always long for a sister (I have two, but they're 11 and 13 years younger and I'm an only child really since my parents divorced and remarried) but I also longed for a brother. I would love to have ANYONE haha. I would have always thought that I would be really in mourning for my poor daughter having 4 big brothers and no sisters, but I'm strangely ok with it. I know of a lot of people who have sisters they don't get along with, and brothers that they do, and I also think that another girl would be just another division on the time that I have to spend with her. I like it being just her and me, and overall it just doesn't bother me that much.

[Debahlgrim]

Yes I think you're good to go in Oct. Deb.

It is really interesting to me because I DID always long for a sister (I have two, but they're 11 and 13 years younger and I'm an only child really since my parents divorced and remarried) but I also longed for a brother. I would love to have ANYONE haha. I would have always thought that I would be really in mourning for my poor daughter having 4 big brothers and no sisters, but I'm strangely ok with it. I know of a lot of people who have sisters they don't get along with, and brothers that they do, and I also think that another girl would be just another division on the time that I have to spend with her. I like it being just her and me, and overall it just doesn't bother me that much.

Yes! That is why although I would prefer to have a girl, if it was a DS3, I would get just Amelia and mommy time! And she loves that


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[trifecta]

Growing up, I HATED having sisters. My relationship with my brother was much less competitive. My husband is half of a PP and his relationship with his sister is very peaceful and affectionate. I pretty much thought, "We'll have one of each and then we won't have to deal with sibling rivalry." What a joke! We all definitely bring our own skewed, clouded vision to the experience of parenthood.

My boys DO have a lot of sibling rivalry, BTW, and it's something that really exacerbates my GD. I know brothers and sisters fight all the time but it's very, very hard to see the jealousy and competition and not feel like I've been singled out to deal with the very problem I hoped to avoid. I feel like I have too much baggage to deal with it well. They are also very close, which helps, but somebody is always out to prove his superiority.

[atomic sagebrush]

Growing up, I HATED having sisters. My relationship with my brother was much less competitive. My husband is half of a PP and his relationship with his sister is very peaceful and affectionate. I pretty much thought, "We'll have one of each and then we won't have to deal with sibling rivalry." What a joke! We all definitely bring our own skewed, clouded vision to the experience of parenthood.

My boys DO have a lot of sibling rivalry, BTW, and it's something that really exacerbates my GD. I know brothers and sisters fight all the time but it's very, very hard to see the jealousy and competition and not feel like I've been singled out to deal with the very problem I hoped to avoid. I feel like I have too much baggage to deal with it well. They are also very close, which helps, but somebody is always out to prove his superiority.

My first two boys did have sibling rivalry (and yes, I did think it was a boy thing originally) and then my second two are really close.

I think this may be one of those things that we think is a gender thing, when in reality it's an "individual kid" thing. My husband seems to get along great with his sister. I'm jealous of them!

I love these types of threads because I think (and I count myself right there!) for many of us, we have an ideallized vision of what the other gender would be like. The flaws we see in our kids, and we all have them, even our precious kids do, it's all too easy to think "well a girl would be neater" or "a boy wouldn't be such a drama queen". But those of us who do end up getting their desired gender - it's just a kid. With flaws still. I actually think that is partly why some people do crave another, is because they STILL didn't get to experience some specific element of motherhood that Child #1 did not bring to the table.

My mom was a cheerleader and really super popular. I am a shy nerd and as a kid I was also hideously ugly (true story). While she would deny it endlessly I know she felt disappointed that I wasn't like that. She could have stuck a pink bow on my head from now till the end of time and it would not have fixed that disappointment. Me being a girl did not cure the disconnect between her expecting a kid that did not arrive and instead getting some other person that she didn't relate to.

This gender stuff is deep LOL!