Do PP families "get" to have GD??

[trifecta]

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This gender stuff is deep LOL!

I was (and am still) glad I have a boy for my oldest, even if I never have a daughter.

I think it would have much worse for me to have a girl first with my personal baggage because my oldest sister was always such a problematic, destructive force in our house. My mom really treated her like a princess, too. I would have been afraid that doting too much would create a dysfunctional person.

I just really didn't want that pattern because think I would have been even worse at handling sibling rivalry with an oldest girl, and probably worse still with two girls.

We all have our own individual neuroses about these things.

[atomic sagebrush]

I think the whole "pigeon pair conundrum" is a very important point to consider because it is very unfair of us to say on the one hand that infertile people or those who "just want healthy children" or have pigeon pairs and don't get any of this, are big meanies when they resent us, and yet then turn around and resent people who have GD for a second daughter or for only girls. Ya can't have it both ways; either you extend understanding to others that same understanding which you desire for yourself, or you have to understand where others are coming from when they have a hard time understanding you. Preferably both.

This idea that only people who have X number of Y gender are allowed to express any kind of emotions over having Y number of X gender is to me not something we need to be indulging IMO. It ends up not only controlling your life and those of other people but it isn't good for YOU. Not IRL and not on this site, either. Challenging the assumptions we make in the throes our gender disappointment helps them to heal. A climate where people isolate themselves from pigeon pairs and focus only on how sad they are and how this is the worst thing that ever happened to them is not conducive to getting past it. Honest discussion, even debate, exposing ourselves to things that make us feel uncomfortable, is the key to getting past these false gender related assumptions that cause many of us so much pain. The idea of "safe spaces" is not supported by science, you have to challenge your thought processes to recover from trauma. Holing up in a world away from pigeon pairs is not gonna help.

There are women with 4,5,6 boys or girls who have less severe GD than some having GD for a second girl or for only girls or boys. There are also women with 4,5,6 of one gender who think people with only 2 or 3 have it "easy" and are jerks for complaining. Number of desired gender is clearly not a prerequisite for experiencing these feelings. This is not a "your pain is inferior to my pain" scenario. There is not a litmus test for having GD feelings and they are absolutely possible and for some people, cut just as deep or even more so, than those who have 2 or 3 or 10 of one gender. Is it not possible to envision and have compassion for people who have strong GD with a first pregnancy (they never get to enjoy their pregnancy at all!) or for those who have strong GD for a second girl (imagine the pressure of wanting so badly to make this happen for your child!).

The fact is that at least some of us are going to have to move on and never get our desired gender. We can address that up front and try to get over it, or not. We could also wallow in it and feel sad and bitter constantly for the rest of our lives. The fact is that we will be faced with a lot of people in life some of whom have pigeon pairs and feel all kinds of ways about that. At some point, the anger and bitterness ends up hurting only yourself.

[atomic sagebrush]

I was (and am still) glad I have a boy for my oldest, even if I never have a daughter.

I think it would have much worse for me to have a girl first with my personal baggage because my oldest sister was always such a problematic, destructive force in our house. My mom really treated her like a princess, too. I would have been afraid that doting too much would create a dysfunctional person.

I just really didn't want that pattern because think I would have been even worse at handling sibling rivalry with an oldest girl, and probably worse still with two girls.

We all have our own individual neuroses about these things.

Me too. In retrospect though I know I would not have walked down this road (GD wise) I am so thankful I had a son first. I think I really would have messed up a girl!!!!

[nuthinbutpink]

http://genderdreaming.com/forum/memb...s-account.html

[atomic sagebrush]

Just apropros of nothing, here is my opinion on people deleting their accounts. They are of course your accounts and you're all welcome to delete them if you so chose, but I don't delete people's posts for them. I have better things to do and it REALLY screws me over, quite frankly, because after I've spent hour(s) replying to people's questions, this work and information that I put a lot of effort into answering is then erased and no one else can ever access or learn from it.

[atomic sagebrush]

For those who really want to delete their posts, Nuthin posted a link on how to do it above. I really would like to say, though, that you are basically taking hours of my life energy and setting it ablaze when you do that. I have gone out of my way to answer many questions for tons of people on this site, information that is the benefit of everyone and then that is entirely erased when people start getting delete happy.

Misunderstandings happen and in a day or two or three no one remembers "hot" threads nor who was involved in them. Interpersonal issues only continue when people choose to continue them.

[nuthinbutpink]

This thread is dead but YES, Anyone is entitled to feel gender desire and gender disappointment. Who are we to judge. If you live in a glass house, it is best not to throw stones.