Not even TTC and feeling defeated

[Out of the Blue]

I echo everything the women said above. No one really understands how much this guts you unless they're going through or been through it. A month ago, my brain was ready to explode! O+12...No, 3 day cut-off...no, 1 day cut-off...Sylk...No, Rephresh....No, Aci-jel....Douche or not to douch...since I'm over 35, should I just be happy I'm getting preg or sway hard...ARG. I reached a point recently where I just had to surrender. My girl diet isn't perfect...I do well in some areas, others aren't great. Atomic posted something a while back that really resonated with me...Something to the effect of doing what you feel is right at the time. That's what I'm sticking to and it has given me a lot of peace. I do what I can w/the sway and surrender the rest. I have to just trust that we'll get the sweet soul we were meant to get. If I get a boy, I cannot guarantee I won't have GD but I've got peace at the moment and I'm just letting things unfold and taking a backseat. I am sending you TONS of HUGS & TONS of PINK DUST.

[DoulaMama]

I do what I can w/the sway and surrender the rest. I have to just trust that we'll get the sweet soul we were meant to get. If I get a boy, I cannot guarantee I won't have GD but I've got peace at the moment and I'm just letting things unfold and taking a backseat.

I this! I am feeling that way right now. I want to welcome a new little life inside of me with open arms and no stress....and I may be dealing with certain feelings later but right now I want to enjoy the last time I TTC.
I have my papers written out and I've decided that I will not start anything until my elusive cycle returns. It takes some stress off me. I'm taking my vitex and my kiddo has been nursing less frequently so hopefully that will help. Anyway, I hope everyone gets their Girl!!!! ~~~~

[mindyjean]

I completely understand how you feel. We are a lot alike (even height and weight wise, LOL), and I feel very guilty for thinking some things: like you said, some women don't have ANY kids, and I have two wonderful little boys. I don't understand where this desire for a girl comes in either, and how bad I feel that I don't have one. It's nice to know there are others out there.

[kaseybaby]

Thanks for all the support ladies. I really, truly, appreciate it.

[atomic sagebrush]

I am really trying to stress, but swaying is very overwhelming to me, mostly mentally. I feel like there are so many contradictions, so much to do, and it still isn't 100%. Then I think about all those mom's out there who are suffering from IF, and here I am trying to make my self more infertile.

I keep looking at these people who are pregnant and wishing they would have boys, and jealous of people having girls. I don't understand why I feel like this. I adore my son, and would love another DS, but I have this crazy desire for a DD. I wish I knew where it came from. I wish all the gender desire would just go away.

Rough day. THanks for letting me vent.

I completely understand...just know that we ALL feel just the same way. There is no rhyme or reason to GD, I really do think the need for a child of a particular gender is just born into us and it's like trying to survive without food or oxygen.

My attitude towards swaying was, I KNOW my natural setting is boy-friendly. So it's like I'm swaying blue all the time anyway. I felt like, even with all the contradictions of swaying and no guarantees, that I needed to sway just to get to 50-50 odds and then I would take the flip of a coin at that point. But for me, doing nothing meant for sure I would have another boy.

If swaying is getting too overwhelming, just keep in mind you don't need to do everything (or even most things). Even if you only pick out two things that feel doable to you and go with it, you're giving yourself more of a chance than you would have otherwise. Wishing you good luck and peace of mind!!