Feeling Defeated

[from2to3]

We have no control and neither does God. (Sorry to offend others who believe otherwise, these are just my thoughts)

I do disagree with this, but am not offended by others differing beliefs, as I hope others are not offended by my beliefs. I believe that God has complete control over everything (not than people’s actions because He gave us a free will), we have so many answers in the bible (straight from the One who made us) and when we really take the time to dig deep and look for ourselves we can find many things. I don’t think gender is important to Him, and surprisingly if you look, there’s almost an even amount of boys/girls born. I do not believe however that He intentionally does things to hurt us, He loves us more than we can ever imagine and wants what’s best for us, and has ‘great plans for us and a future for hope”. Unfortunately as humans, rather than seeking His greater plan, we like (all of us) like pick our own plan and desires and go with it and expect Him to bless it. I have always had a plan as to how many kids we’d have and what genders they’d be. Yes, I do believe we finally let go and that it was His plan for us to have three children. I automatically thought that meant this one would be a girl because that was my better plan for my life. Though it hurts (deeply), I am choosing to strengthen my faith, and am leaning completely on Him…I have no choice, I couldn’t get through otherwise. I have been through some pretty terrible things in my life, esp as a little girl and I could have lost my faith… instead He became my best friend, my rock, constant companion and saved me and got me through it. What happened from this? I became a stronger person, more compassionate, and a faith that will NEVER waiver, and know in the end I will be rewarded for it. Do I think that I or any of us would have made a terrible ‘girl mom’ or ‘boy mom’? No, of course not. I just have to let go and trust that this little man is the perfect fit to our family and will be a great blessing, one I will never be able to imagine my life without. The thing that comes to me a lot lately, is just a little while ago around here, a toddler boy lost his life in a fire. I cried when I found out. There was so many things that went wrong in that situation and my heart aches for that little boy, he should of never been left in the house while everyone else in the family got out. I vow, no matter what gender of children I have, that they will always be loved and taken care of. We are blessed as parents and expected to take care of our children, and if this little boy needs good parents, than I am glad God entrusted us to take care of him.
Wow. Sorry that was so long…

[Myloves]

Oh NYCBeachy. I remember you from 2012 when you were due with ds3! I don't know what to say, I'm sorry and that your boys are lucky to have you as their mum. Hugs, love.
You never know what life might throw at you, so please don't give up!