Mixed feelings about having a fourth child

[Keshet]

Lately I have been feeling mixed up. I have 3 beautiful boys and always wanted a daughter. Have been obsessed with it for years. My husband finally caved in and let me try even though he wasn't crazy about the idea. Did HT once and it didn't work. Felt traumatized. Now am gearing up to do a second HT round but starting to worry about whether or not I can handle more kids. The cost, the time, the effort, my marriage.... I am now almost 41 and worry about the health risks. Am I just protecting myself from a possible failed HT cycle? I am so in love with my boys and couldn't imagine life without them. Would it be the same with a fourth? Will people stigmatize me? I also work full time and worry that people will think that I just have babies but am not around to raise them. I just want to live life to the fullest and enjoy my wonderful large family and my interesting career. Anyone feel any of these mixed up feelings? How have you coped? Do I go forward with another cycle? Do I wait even though I can't afford to wait with my age?

[myrainbowgirl]

Hi there,
I'm 36 and have 3 boys. Have been swaying girl, and just got a BFP this morning. I understand where you're coming from...am actually a little worried about telling people. I worked part-time for the past 5 years, but just quit, so I don't have that concern. While swaying, some days I thought that I was crazy for trying for another. Things are crazy in my house sometimes! I wondered if it was really fair to my other kids to have another...that's less of me to go around, ya know? Also, I got my BFP on my first cycle PP...this has NEVER happened to me in that past, and I kind of assumed it would take a while this time, too. My baby is only 13 months old! Now I'm a little scared how I will handle having 2 so close together. DS1 & DS2 are 2 years 1 month apart, and DS2 & DS3 are 2 years 9 months apart. DS3 & baby #4 will be about 21 months apart. Kinda crazy! But I am also thrilled and excited to be doing this again...so I totally get the mixed feelings thing!

Good luck!

[nuthinbutpink]

I think if you sway, you have to mentally prepare for a boy. HT in your 40's can be difficult but not impossible. Where did you cycle? What was your pretesting like?

[Minki4]

You are not along , mixed up feelings here all the time . I too have 3 sons and am 36. I thought I would only have 3 kids and had been happy with my boys , recently have been thinking 'why should I go through life without a daughter '? so am trying one more time , giving her a chance to be part of our family. Have gone through every scenario and still arrive back at wanting to try again . I am not looking forward to family /inlaws reaction or opinions, but I can deal with them ;-)
Sorry for my ramble , yes to fixed feelings daily :-)
.
Sent from my GT-S5300 using Tapatalk 2

[desperate4blue]

You are not along , mixed up feelings here all the time . I too have 3 sons and am 36. I thought I would only have 3 kids and had been happy with my boys , recently have been thinking 'why should I go through life without a daughter '? so am trying one more time , giving her a chance to be part of our family. Have gone through every scenario and still arrive back at wanting to try again . I am not looking forward to family /inlaws reaction or opinions, but I can deal with them ;-)
Sorry for my ramble , yes to fixed feelings daily :-)
.
Sent from my GT-S5300 using Tapatalk 2

Hi Ladies

Im in the same boat too! I have 3 girls at the age of 31. I have 4-5 years between my 3 girls.
I have just gone back to work after having my 3rd dd and have suggested to my colleagues there
Maybe a 4th. The disgust on some peoples faces can make you change your mind seriously.
I feel so belittled sometimes as gd doesnt affect many people and they just feel happy with what they
Have. Unfortunately I am craving for a boy big time and wish to try again in a few years via swaying
Or HT! At the end of the day I feel its mylife and I will do what is right for me.
Yes I work and its an inconvenience for colleagues but who cares im only going to live once!
Ladiea please help as to how u got ur boys. What were u doing? Please send me a private message if u can.

[myrainbowgirl]

Hi Ladies

Im in the same boat too! I have 3 girls at the age of 31. I have 4-5 years between my 3 girls.
I have just gone back to work after having my 3rd dd and have suggested to my colleagues there
Maybe a 4th. The disgust on some peoples faces can make you change your mind seriously.
I feel so belittled sometimes as gd doesnt affect many people and they just feel happy with what they
Have. Unfortunately I am craving for a boy big time and wish to try again in a few years via swaying
Or HT! At the end of the day I feel its mylife and I will do what is right for me.
Yes I work and its an inconvenience for colleagues but who cares im only going to live once!
Ladiea please help as to how u got ur boys. What were u doing? Please send me a private message if u can.

I think my diet really played a huge part of my conceiving boys. My blood sugar was probably on the high normal side most of the time...ate breakfast first thing (cereal with whole milk), lunch, snack mid-afternoon, dinner, and snack around 8:30-9 pm. Ate lots of sweet stuff. Also, our sex life was pretty active...every 2-3 days, which apparently is ideal for boys, as well as multiple attempts when I o'd. If you can do the above, you may have a decent shot at a boy! GL!

[Keshet]

It would be good to hear whether those with 4 had doubts prior to having the fourth and how it is now.

[Yuzu]

Oh, I had lots of doubts before DS4. I really wanted to try for a girl, but at the same time I thought, "why not be satisfied with what I have?" And it was especially bad after I found our I was having another boy. I just kept wondering why I just didn't leave well enough alone.

But now that I have my littlest one I just can't imagine life without him! He's so laid back. He smiles at everyone and makes no trouble. Everyone adores him; he just makes you happy to look at him! Our family would be incomplete without him.

I think it's normal to have doubts. I'm starting on ttc5. If the rest of my family knew they would think I was crazy. Sometimes I think I might be crazy, too! But I know people don't usually regret the children they have. As a matter of fact, I've heard many people say, "I wish I had one more!"

[Adia]

Yuzu...you said it all so well! I am torn sometimes too but life is a gamble in so many ways.

Their are so many reasons we shouldn't have a fourth child but we are getting up there and I have had a hard enough time getting pregnant that I can't wait any longer if its ever going to happen. I'm 37 & DH is 36.

My parents and in-laws are getting close to their 70's and it is great to see all their kids rally around them. Three kids is great but DH and I want one more, and of course we'd be thrilled if it was a boy, but we'll take any baby right now!!