Absolutely freaked...

[Tiggerian]

I'm probably putting this in the wrong forum, but I just gotta lighten the load here. My family and friends still don't know I'm pregnant so I'm kinda short on who I can talk to about it.

I found out I was pregnant only a few days ago and obviously I'm over the moon. I'm so excited about the prospect of having another one I've already gone in "Mental mum-to-be" mode. There's just one thing ...

8 years ago I fell pregnant for the first time age only 16. My boyfriend at the time and I decided to keep, but it wasn't meant to be... Our unborn daughter had a chromosomal and heart defect. Sadly, she didn't make it, she never really stood a chance to be honest, and she was born at 17+5.

Now here's the thing - my due date now is the EXACT SAME as it was 8 years ago! I know its a coincidence, I know it doesn't 'mean' anything - but its just in my head. It's got me worrying about loosing this one too!

Because my first had a chromosomal disorder I know I'll be offered a placental biopsy (I can't remember the fancy word for it), but I'm unsure whether to take it. I declined it with both the boys - well with my eldest they wanted to do an amniocentesis as its safer, but as he was a boy they decided not to do it, with my youngest it was placental or nothing.

I don't know what to do... =/ My hormones are really running high and its starting to effect my mood. Having had severe Post natal depression with my eldest and still battling the remnants of it with my youngest, I'm scared of slipping again. That started over my fear of loosing my eldest too - but the risk of loosing the baby due to the test is scary too...

I could really use some advice here - or some experiences with having the biopsy done!

[Becca.lms]

I'm probably putting this in the wrong forum, but I just gotta lighten the load here. My family and friends still don't know I'm pregnant so I'm kinda short on who I can talk to about it.

I found out I was pregnant only a few days ago and obviously I'm over the moon. I'm so excited about the prospect of having another one I've already gone in "Mental mum-to-be" mode. There's just one thing ...

5 years ago I fell pregnant for the first time age only 16. My boyfriend at the time and I decided to keep, but it wasn't meant to be... Our unborn daughter had a chromosomal and heart defect. Sadly, she didn't make it, she never really stood a chance to be honest, and she was born at 17+5.

Now here's the thing - my due date now is the EXACT SAME as it was 5 years ago! I know its a coincidence, I know it doesn't 'mean' anything - but its just in my head. It's got me worrying about loosing this one too!

Because my first had a chromosomal disorder I know I'll be offered a placental biopsy (I can't remember the fancy word for it), but I'm unsure whether to take it. I declined it with both the boys - well with my eldest they wanted to do an amniocentesis as its safer, but as he was a boy they decided not to do it, with my youngest it was placental or nothing.

I don't know what to do... =/ My hormones are really running high and its starting to effect my mood. Having had severe Post natal depression with my eldest and still battling the remnants of it with my youngest, I'm scared of slipping again. That started over my fear of loosing my eldest too - but the risk of loosing the baby due to the test is scary too...

I could really use some advice here - or some experiences with having the biopsy done!

Or maybe Its a second chance.

[nuthinbutpink]

It's a CVS. They are done between 11-14 weeks. Was it a totally random issue or something genetic that runs in your family? If genetic, I would likely have the CVS and if it was totally random, the odds of lightning striking twice are probably slim. You can see a lot at the NT scan and if all is okay with that, you don't have to have a CVS if you do not want to.

[Tiggerian]

Well, they weren't really sure - the problem is, the chromosomal disorder only affects girls and in my family we have had two other girls die other than my daughter; one we don't know why (only info we got was that she was ill) and the other was from the exact same heart defect my daughter had, but as far as I'm aware there was no chromosomal disorder. Both on my mothers side.

The doctors said it was most likely a "fluke of nature" and wouldn't happen again. The chromosomal disorder is usually only passed on from the dad (they said) and I'm not with her dad anymore.

Becca - I talked to a psychic just for fun with some friend - we wanted to try it, and among a lot of other things she said my daughter would come back to me. She said that my daughter was waiting for me to be ready for her to come back and that her death was suppose to teach me a life lesson.

I don't know if I believe it - but it does seem all the more poignant now. And yes, her death did teach me a lot of life lessons, both good and bad.

[Tiggerian]

I made a mistake in the first post... It's 8 years since my DD passed away. It's my eldest son who was born 5 years ago. My brain has turned into mush already >_<

[Mrs_P]

i had a cvs test done, consultant reckoned the risks were the same as the amnio. Most likely risks are from the test itself (once the needle is out risk drops masively) infection (first 48hrs particuarly) and its best to ask your doc's stats as these vary depending on experience, mine was one of the top five in the country and had only lost one baby in his career from the test (but the baby had an abnormality so may not have been due to the test at all - a large portion of the babies that are lost from the test are ones that would not have survived anyway).

The biggest question for me was would the results make a difference - if you'd keep the baby anyway don't put yourself through the test, for me i needed to know all was ok or what was wrong so i could make a choice - but the worst part of the test was worrying afterwards that my selfishness at that decision could have cost me my healthy baby girl - she was fine but i worried about m/c for ages - the test itself was painless and over very quickly

good luck whatever you decide - any questions please shout up and congrats on your bfp xxx

ps sorry about the typing - am typing breastfeed at the same time

[Tiggerian]

I was really hoping you'd answer Mrs P! Which hospital did you have it done at? I'm in the west mid's too.

And gratz on your baby girl =D I'm so excited for you.

Whether we'd keep the baby would depend on what's wrong. It's like you say - we'd need to make a decision based on what was wrong if anything. I think it would make a massive difference on my psyche knowing 100% that this illness wouldn't be present as its one of those that doesn't always show up on the scans and the catch you by surprise later on. They say if it doesnt show up it isnt too serious, so its not like it would be a death sentence, but we'd like to be prepared for the fact that if we had a girl with the same illness most likely she would have some problems like learning difficulties and would need growth hormones and other medical help.

We didnt have it with our first because he was a boy and we refused it second time because it was offered too late (my midwife first refused it, they offered it to me at the hosp but it meant traveling for 1 hr to Birmingham and I didn't have the transportation means at the time. It was to be done within 48 hrs and it just wasn't possible).

[Wanting a daughter]

My first thought- She's come back to you....
XXX