Juggling multiple concerns while trying to sway pink

[beingmommy]

I feel like we have so much to juggle and wonder if anyone has any advice/suggestions. And I am sorry this will be long because there is much to explain.

First, some background on us. We have two gorgeous boys, DS1 (2007) and DS2(2013). I wanted DS1 to be a boy and tried swaying with some general Shettles info I had at the time and of course, thought my timing plan had succeeded when he was born. I then tried to sway girl with timing with our second but didn't try too hard because I was really just hoping for a healthy baby (we had had a pregnancy loss at 11 weeks before conceiving DS2).

I realize now, from reading info here, that I definitely was swaying boy for both of them because I was very well nourished both times and was very "Martha" when TTC, charting, watching EWCM, and stressing a lot.

DS1 has autism and for a while we thought we might not try for more children as we wanted to be able to give him all the attention he needed. But then he started doing so well we opened the door again and decided to have another. The plan was to have one more and honestly, I really thought we would just get a girl. We did not find out gender during the pregnancy and at the birth, I was surprised but over the moon with our gorgeous little new boy.

But as soon as DS2 was born I started wanting another. Partly for one last chance to have a girl but also because my dream was always to have more kids and having DS2 showed us we could do it. DS1 is still doing great and he loves DS2 and we are managing fine even though some days are very hard.

I am 41 (turning 42 in the fall) and DH is 46. DS2 turns 1 yr old next week. DH has been quite against having another for awhile but recently has begun to warm to the idea. So, obviously, given our age, the first thought would be for us to start TTC right away. This would give us the best chance fertility-wise, for sure.

However, we have two wrinkles in THAT plan. One is that DS2 was a C-section so I need to wait until he is at least 18 months old to reduce the risk of uterine rupture (my midwives were very clear on this point). And the second is, given DS1's ASD, it is best for us to wait until DS2 is 2 yrs old before TTC. Otherwise, the risk of the next baby having ASD is hugely increased. And I mean by a very large amount. And as I researched this this week, I realized it is a non-negotiable for me. I definitely want to wait until DS2 is 2 yrs old. Waiting even longer would reduce the risk even more but I feel comfortable with the much lower risk at 2 yrs and waiting longer would push us too far out of my comfort zone for our age.

BUT waiting until next year means our fertility may be significantly lowered. This is sad but I feel it is the trade-off for having the lower ASD risk.

And one other piece of the ASD risk is that it is important to be well-nourished before TTC because there is evidence that a mother deficient in vitamins/minerals may increase the ASD risk. This is one reason closely spaced births might increase the ASD risk.

So, here is my big question: how do we sway girl given all of this? We will likely have lowered fertility so we will need to do things to increase our fertility but not so much as to completely sway boy. I want to do the LE diet BUT still stay nourished enough to reduce the ASD risk. I also want to stay well-nourished for as long as possible to ensure as healthy eggs as possible.

Phew! Does anyone think this is still doable? Is there a way to balance these concerns and still manage to sway pink?

[bluebonnet22]

No advice, just wanted to let you know I worry LE will increase autism risk as well and it is something that weighs in me. My only compromise on that has been trying to avoid preservatives, dyes, hfcs, Trans fats, etc when I can. I honestly think chemicals in our food affect things more than say a low protein or low fat diet would but who really knows!

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[covered in blue]

Hopefully atomic will be able to answer some of these questions. From the reading I have done though I think it's really still possible to have a good sway without being undernourished. Eg you could go vegetarian, drop snacking, do the one attempt - without abstain given your ages, and do the exercise. These things will still push you over in the girl direction. Have you thought about high tech? You sound like a good candidate for it if you could convince DH.

[beingmommy]

Bluebonnet, that's a good thought. I do eat all organic and avoid the artificial stuff so maybe it would be okay. But I agree that I do worry that the LE diet may nudge us in the ASD risk area if done too extremely.

Covered in blue, I like your ideas for modifiying the LE diet and doing some exercise. Makes sense. We would not be able to afford HT and I don't think I would be up for it. I mean, it seems very involved and I think it would be too much for me while also homeschooling my boys.

[ratcliffe1811]

I highly doubt the LE diet would cause autism. In the tww the baby has the nutrients it requires in its eggy state (blastocyst or something I could have made tht up lol) and once you find out you're pregnant you eat normally anyway. My ds2 is autistic and non verbal but his brothers are neurotypical and chatting away. I didnt alter my diet for any of them. I have a friend whose husband is autistic and they have had 3 autistic children. It makes me wonder if its sometimes genetic? I dunno, either way I wouldnt worry about the diet increasing autism risks. Just take your folic acid and baby will have the best chance.

[Dreamofpink]

These comments pain me to read. Atomic has put her life & soul into researching soooo much to ensure that both the LE diet & HE diet are safe for us to follow before conception. She's based the LE diet on WHO recommendations & would not suggest anything harmful to health. This is NOT IG & you do not have to do everything to sway, only what you want to do - it's your sway after all

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[covered in blue]

It's fine to ask questions though! Everyone needs to get it straight in their mind that they are doing the right thing.

[stephk]

Atomic would not recommend anything that puts us or our unborn babies at risk and has based her recommendations on WHO recommendations as dreamofpink says. Completely understand your concerns and I wish you the best of luck with your decision.

I am doing the LE diet but I do not consider myself undernourished at all. I try for 1800-2000 cals, 50-60g protein a day and 30% of cals from fat. I eat LOADS of vegetables, fruit, salads, veggie soups. I believe that I eat healthily and I pig out and go way over every weekend. Some people take the diet way too far, but thats their choice, you just have to do what feels right for you. Atomic makes recommendations which are a target, you dont have to strictly go to the lower limits of them or even the higher limits, they are just targets and you decide what you are comfortable with.

[beingmommy]

Oh I feel terrible! I am so sorry!

I did not mean to imply that the LE diet put general people at risk. I definitely did not mean to say Atomic would support something like that. I realize now that it sounds that way and I really apologize. I was careless and tactless in my posts.

I got all caught up in my head about our specific case with already having a kid with ASD. Not everyone will understand this but I KNOW his autism came about from something my body did during his pregnancy. There are 14 grandchildren in our family. 10 on my husband's side and 4 on my side. My DS1 is the ONLY one who has any issues at all. Every single other kid is healthy in every way. My DS1 has a host of health issues. ASD. Verbal Apraxia. Multiple life-threatening food allergies. Asthma. Midline defects. The only thing it could have come from is MY BODY. My body did something to him. My guess is it was related to my MTHFR mutation which was linked to my nutrient status and my folic acid levels in particular. I have done tons of research on this and I know it to be true. I thought maybe in my case the LE diet might not be as good an idea, if say I was already prone to not transferring nutrients as well to my growing babies.

Anyway I am truly sorry.

[stephk]

Aw hon - I'm sorry I was just trying to reassure you. I didn't think you were implying that about the diet but I thought you had concerns which are perfectly natural. It's hard with the written word I guess. I'm really sorry if I came across as anything other than trying to reassure. This site is so supportive and friendly, I promise x