Feeling pressured

[Bobster]

Is anyone else feeling inadvertently pressured by OH to have their desired gender?
My OH keeps saying things like he feels like we'll have a girl next and suggesting girls names. Hes excited about the prospect of a girl and it makes this stress even harder. I don't think he knows the extent of my worry about it as he wouldn't understand.

I keep suggesting and talking about boys names and even bought a new blue and green baby blanket as in trying to think positively about having another boy. I think it's harder and more pressured as we only want one more baby.

I feel guilty on a day to day basis for not doing the diet and/or exercise and feel if we have another boy that I didn't do enough. I almost wish I didn't know about this stuff as if it fails I think I'll blame myself for not being strict enough.

I know it can go either way however strict you are and it's no ones fault but it's a constant worry on my mind. It's distracting all my thoughts as I'm constantly analysing peoples families and things they 'do' to look for trends. Then when i start to feel ok I read something to make me doubt it all, the most recent being aspartame Argh! I don't know whether I should try to stop reading stuff all together now.

The worst feeling is feeling like I've let OH down, even though he would hate me to feel like that and I'm sure would be happy with a boy as well. Hate the thought of him feeling disappointed

[nicki85]

Dear bobster

I know exactly what your talking about! My dh is the same bringing up girls names and even already talking to the kids about them having a baby sister.(I'm not even preggo yet) I dont feel comfy about it eather and always bring up boys names and tell the kids theres no baby on the way yet. They are still small and dont get bothered with it. But dont feel stressed over it, i think its just dh's way showing me hes on my side and thats his way showing me that. I know he will be fine if its another boy and so will I even if a babygirl has been something i have wanted all my life.

Talk to him and tell him how you feel! I'm pretty sure its just his way of supporting you and beeing positiv..

Besides, if your feeling guilty of not doing exercise and diet, can I ask why not? I'ts our last baby too and I'm trying to do both, I know I could do better on both but I'm hoping that its enough and I can see a difference..

[Bobster]

Thanks for your reply nicki, it's nice to know others feels similar.

I'm trying my hardest to do both but struggling with time and energy balancing LO and working. I'm exercising about 3 times per week for an hour but after long days at work (12 hours) I feel too shattered. This week so far I've exercised every other day. How are you finding the diet and exercise? How long have you been on it for and been Ttc for?

[nicki85]

I can only imagine after a 12h day at work it would be exhausting to workout...

I've been dieting low carb since new year and switched to LE in May. I'm at my lowest adult/conception weight but would still love to loose another 10lbs but have a plateau at the min. Do you prepare or have a weekly menu that you follow? I'm not great with planning but I only go grocery shopping once a week and only if really must go to the local shop (its more expensive) I buy rice and pasta, the veggies that we like (atm: Tomatoes, cucumber, iceberg or romana salad, carrots, asparagus) I like to prepare in advance, like today I made enough rice to keep till Wednesday for me. For the kids I'm making the kind of things they really love and thats mostly the most easy things like a sandwich and yogurt plus I always make a salad for all of us. We wanted to starting ttc in July but dh and i thought wth and went for it this month, in the 2ww now but not disappointed at all if i can have another month or 2 on the diet.

Maybe you could go the route of couch potato and concentrate on the diet? I'm thinking this swaying stuff is not supposed to make us crazy and if you cant do both with a good feeling try to do one and then in the months ttc use antihistamines/supps/one attempt at +opk and if possible try to relaxe. I've invented a bath a day into my routine and its amazing how i feel at peace with all... Hope to help..

[XXforhubby]

I can totally relate Bobster. I swayed hard for a DD for my DH. He wanted/wants a DD so badly. I didn't mind having another boy- it's all I've ever wanted! I ended up finding out that baby #3 is a boy [emoji4]. DH is surprisingly happy about it and bonding with this baby way more than he did with DS2. DH's GD was really bad with DS2, and he didn't bond with him until he was 6 months old. I had a great sway but ended up having to try and increase my fertility as time went on not getting a BFP. I believe that even though my sway was great, if my fertility hadn't tanked so bad, it might have had a different outcome. But, we are pleased and blessed to have this new little guy come into our life! DH doesn't want four kids unless it happens by accident, and he has a huge amount of anxiety thinking about it. Time will tell though.

You have to make swaying work for you and your lifestyle. If you can, I would consider doing the LE diet. You don't have to exercise if that seems like it is too much. It doesn't have to be intense. I just walked for an hour. Sometimes I really pushed myself but even walking casually is fine. Above all else, just have 1 attempt in your fertile window. You don't have to use opks, just BD every 4 days when AF ends until the latest you've ever ovulated or until CD20. That's it. If you only do the diet and BD every 4 days, that is a fantastic sway!

Hang in there sweetie, [emoji8]!


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[Hitmebabyonemoretime]

What a great response XX & nicki.
I found comfort in reading these responses. I too feel like I'm not doing enough, or enough all the time; although my DH is totally not stressing at all - he's so the opposite - we don't even talk about it anymore - im done reading him essays and posts - I just say when it's go time and im he's there.


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[Bobster]

Thanks to all of your responses. It really does help talking to others about this as I don't think I could talk to anyone in real life for fear of being ungrateful. I'm not ungrateful as I do fundamentally want a healthy baby whatever it is and I know OH feels the same. It's hard though as he's convinced we're having a girl next, like it just works like that!

I may start planning meals and organising meals more that's a really good idea. It may relieve some of the stress. Today I went to a BBQ an there was only meat options there so I tried hard to resist eating too much and filled my plate with salad but I find it really difficult to resist sometimes and am always conscious of what I put in my mouth! Can't wait until bfp when I don't have to think about it anymore. I'm on my bike at the moment so going to keep going with the exercise as it's got such good results and I'm in run up to ovulation at the moment and keep doing bd on every 4 days.

How do you keep track of protein when you cook from scratch? Do you use an app or anything? I am just guessing as I tried my fitness pal but have up as found it difficult keeping track of it. I might write a list of common foods and their levels so I keep on top of it more accurately.

Xx in sorry your sway didn't work out but I'm glad you are happy with either and OH is feeling ok too. Do you think it makes a difference? Did you have any surprises with your other boys?

Hit me how long have you been swaying? What are you doing to sway?

[atomic sagebrush]

This wasn't the case for me and there is a pretty big group of us whose husbands aren't supportive at all or are even actively opposed to it. I'm sure it does make it more intense a feeling to feel like his wishes are riding on the outcome! (Can I admit a little jealousy on my part!!)

[XXforhubby]

Thanks to all of your responses. It really does help talking to others about this as I don't think I could talk to anyone in real life for fear of being ungrateful. I'm not ungrateful as I do fundamentally want a healthy baby whatever it is and I know OH feels the same. It's hard though as he's convinced we're having a girl next, like it just works like that!

I may start planning meals and organising meals more that's a really good idea. It may relieve some of the stress. Today I went to a BBQ an there was only meat options there so I tried hard to resist eating too much and filled my plate with salad but I find it really difficult to resist sometimes and am always conscious of what I put in my mouth! Can't wait until bfp when I don't have to think about it anymore. I'm on my bike at the moment so going to keep going with the exercise as it's got such good results and I'm in run up to ovulation at the moment and keep doing bd on every 4 days.

How do you keep track of protein when you cook from scratch? Do you use an app or anything? I am just guessing as I tried my fitness pal but have up as found it difficult keeping track of it. I might write a list of common foods and their levels so I keep on top of it more accurately.

Xx in sorry your sway didn't work out but I'm glad you are happy with either and OH is feeling ok too. Do you think it makes a difference? Did you have any surprises with your other boys?

Hit me how long have you been swaying? What are you doing to sway?

I made sure to only eat 2oz of chicken or turkey once a week (I had to do Atomics fertility diet and didn't want to eat meat daily). My hands are small and I would only eat a half a palm's worth. I paid attention to the protein totals in my grains and pastas, but that was it. My protein was low, because I always felt tired (I always feel this way when my protein is too low). Now that I'm eating a little more meat, I'm not sleepy [emoji4].

I don't think I could ever get GD- I just love babies too much [emoji4]! I only wanted to have boys, so I'm on cloud 9!! DH on the other hand, I'm not sure about. Knowing what I know now, I believe I could sway my odds and get a DD for DH. I just don't know if having another child that would be 15-18 months apart from this baby is best for our family. I'll have to wait and see what this baby's temperament is like before making that decision.


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[Bobster]

Good idea to wait and see how you feel after baby is here. Why would you have to have them so close together if you had another xx?

I'm looking forward to ovulation 1 week today. Something tells me this is not going to be my month though. I'm trying my best with exercise and have done it 4 days in a row today also feel since my moan I've stuck to diet a bit more.

I'm going to be sooo scared/anxious when I get my BFP.