18 month old still wakes up, help!

[Flava]

Ok me again with DD4!
I posted this back when she was younger but now she is 18 moths old and STILL wakes up every night !!!
She wants the bottle with milk. It's easy to say not to give it to her but hart to do! And no I still not gonna let her cry half night back to sleep alone because it's just cruel and we don't have the heart for it.

So what to do?? I read some tips online to give her the bottle with a bigger or more hole nippel on it and they don't like it so they will not drink from it....ok I can try this because I know she will not like it (tried this before) so she don't drink from it BUT still up crying for it!hmmm
Or others say mix the milk with water and slowly more , more water till she don't want it anymore.ok...but again she can just be up crying for normal milk.

Any other good ideas??

We want get her out of the crib (she is big and not so comfortable in it anymore) So she will get a regular twin size bad .She always want to sleep in her sisters bad now anyway.
You guys think this could work with the bottle? i want to take it away and hope with the big change she is not going to cry/look for it?not sure
Anyway we are just sick and tired of waking up! Was thinking the other day we suppose to be sleeping all night for like a year now and still up !


Just want to add :could it be that she really is hungry? She eat very little and supper picky! Im talking like 2-3 tsp for lunch/dinner here!

[DoulaMama]

Yeah, I would say she's hungry. Is there anything she likes to eat that you could fill her up with before bed? Like oatmeal and berries or something like that? I hear you on the crying at night. I've never let my kids cry at night either as I feel it's wrong. What we do is my hubby does the night waking(as we're trying to nightwean my son). He lays down with DS3(15mos) and pats his back etc. He can have water if he wants it but no boob. It's really hard the first few nights and there is a lot of crying but it's different when mom or dad is with them. They don't release the stress hormone when crying in arms- only when crying alone. A good book on this to read is The no cry sleep solution for toddlers. Oh and I think it might help to sleep with someone as it's less lonely. Sometimes the bottle is used as a soother because they are scared. Can't hurt to try Good luck mama! I havent slept through the night in 5.5 years!!! LOL!!

[nuthinbutpink]

I don't want anyone to cry all night but eating in the middle of the night when you eat food during the day is 100% unnecessary. It is a habit and I am of the opinion that it is better to teach her to console herself so she can put herself back to sleep. If you don't stop, why would she? I'm not saying don't go to her but absolutely would not feed her. I would do what that Nanny on TV does for sleep training. You lay her back down, do not speak to her and slowly work yourself out of the room.

If you want to get your life and health back, I would put in the effort to male her self reliant. It doesn't take more than a few days usually and I bet she will be better functioning throughout the day when she wakes well rested.

[begonia]

Flava HUGS - that is hard! Have you talked to your pediatrician?

My DD2 is much the same, food-wise ... (never eats breakfast, might have 5 bites of peas and noodles for lunch, and then dinner is again maybe a bite or two of meat, some rice, a bite of veg. But she does drink a cup of milk at every meal, and an additional cup right before bed. She doesn't wake for food at night though. Maybe try to give her more milk or smoothies with filling veggies, etc just before bed time? Does she wake at the same time every night?

[zanacal]

Hi flava. Sorry you're having problems.

We had similar issues with DS1 when he was a couple of months older (around the time we had DS2!). We moved him from his cot to his big boy bed but it was an absolute nightmare and we had to go back to square one and move him back into his cot again! I personally think 18 months is very young for a big bed (although I know others do it differently) and mine stay in theirs until they're around 3! It might look like she needs more room but I think they feel more secure that way and that it's hard to get used to the new sense of space that a big boy or girl's bed brings and I wouldn't want to go into that situation if she's already having sleep problems.

I'm completely with you on not letting her cry but I also wouldn't be giving a bottle of milk - maybe give a good slow release supper like DM suggests just so you can be reassured that she's not hungry while you're doing whatever you decide to do to fix this.

With DS1 we did a gradual retreat. The first two or three nights I sat next to his cot on a little cushion and held his hand or put my hand on his back (can't remember!) until he was asleep. The next couple of nights I stayed where he was but didn't touch him and once he was ok with that I'd gradually move closer and closer to the door until I was sitting outside it and if he needed reassurance I just spoke to him quietly from outside the door. It's not a slow process and you can't stop her crying - she's crying because something's different to what she's used to and she's confused - but I think if you follow a gradual process like this and you're always there to reassure her then she'll get used to the new way. I remember once I'd sat outside DS1's room after a couple of nights and the next night when I said goodnight he just waved at me and said night night and went to sleep - it was a miracle!

Do you play any music at her bedtime? Mine all have a classical music/lullaby CD playing and it can help to keep them (and you if you're in there with them!) a bit calmer and can also help to put it back on if you have to go through the process again during the night or if they wake up early.

How does she go to bed at the beginning of the night - does she have her bottle in her bedroom? If she does it might help to remove that from her bedtime routine, do it in another room before she goes up to bed, so she doesn't expect it later when she wakes up too. I would try to be consistent and have how she goes to sleep at the beginning of the night the same as how you plan to treat her night waking as far as possible.

Good luck!

[DoulaMama]

Hi flava. Sorry you're having problems.

We had similar issues with DS1 when he was a couple of months older (around the time we had DS2!). We moved him from his cot to his big boy bed but it was an absolute nightmare and we had to go back to square one and move him back into his cot again! I personally think 18 months is very young for a big bed (although I know others do it differently) and mine stay in theirs until they're around 3! It might look like she needs more room but I think they feel more secure that way and that it's hard to get used to the new sense of space that a big boy or girl's bed brings and I wouldn't want to go into that situation if she's already having sleep problems.

I'm completely with you on not letting her cry but I also wouldn't be giving a bottle of milk - maybe give a good slow release supper like DM suggests just so you can be reassured that she's not hungry while you're doing whatever you decide to do to fix this.

With DS1 we did a gradual retreat. The first two or three nights I sat next to his cot on a little cushion and held his hand or put my hand on his back (can't remember!) until he was asleep. The next couple of nights I stayed where he was but didn't touch him and once he was ok with that I'd gradually move closer and closer to the door until I was sitting outside it and if he needed reassurance I just spoke to him quietly from outside the door. It's not a slow process and you can't stop her crying - she's crying because something's different to what she's used to and she's confused - but I think if you follow a gradual process like this and you're always there to reassure her then she'll get used to the new way. I remember once I'd sat outside DS1's room after a couple of nights and the next night when I said goodnight he just waved at me and said night night and went to sleep - it was a miracle!

Do you play any music at her bedtime? Mine all have a classical music/lullaby CD playing and it can help to keep them (and you if you're in there with them!) a bit calmer and can also help to put it back on if you have to go through the process again during the night or if they wake up early.

How does she go to bed at the beginning of the night - does she have her bottle in her bedroom? If she does it might help to remove that from her bedtime routine, do it in another room before she goes up to bed, so she doesn't expect it later when she wakes up too. I would try to be consistent and have how she goes to sleep at the beginning of the night the same as how you plan to treat her night waking as far as possible.

Good luck!

Yes! Z said it all much better than I Plus if she's eating nothing at night, she will be hungrier during the day and hopefully eat more I did the gradual thing with DS1 as well- pat his back, then just laid my hand on his back, then I just sat in a chair beside his bed, and then I would leave the door wide open and just sit outside his door(he could see me if he wanted to). Eventually i could put him into his bed and kiss him good night and then just come and check on him a few times to reassure him(he wasn't crying though- just me needing to let him know that I was still there). I think it took all in all about 3 weeks. He was 21 mos when we started but I could have done it earlier.
I have to say I don't agree with NBP about an 18 mos old being self reliant. It's WAY too early for that. My 5.5 yo is able to get up and go pee and put himself back to bed, which is what I would consider "self reliant". An 18mos old is still a baby and needs mom and dad through the night many times. My kids didn't really start sleeping through the night until they were close to 2 which is the norm for most kids
xo

[zanacal]

Lol, if any of my boys will wake me in the night now it's my 6 year old!! Thankfully the others sleep like logs - if they wake we worry that they must be really sick!!

[Flava]

The thing is I can't give her a "good' dinner because she is not eating it!!! She just don't eat and that's it!She really don't. Her favorite food is tomato ! there is no way of feeding her she spits it out if I try hard.
I also can't give her milk with lunch or dinner because she ONLY drink milk from the bottle! (she do drink from regular cup from a long time now but not milk)
If I give her bottle before bed not in her room, she still want one when she go in her room to sleep!
To sit next to her bed and pat her back is not working she will not lay down ! She cries and put her arms out for me.
No music playing because then she would wake and yell for us to turn it on when is over.
She also turns a lot and hit herself in the crib and wakes up crying from that ! So that's why I think a big bed would be better. Same thing was with DD1 and DD3 and big bad worked.
Im out of ideas!

[zanacal]

You have to do what you think best then flava or else accept that you're going to be up once a night and be comfortable with it - it's not a problem if you don't mind doing it

[DoulaMama]

You have to do what you think best then flava or else accept that you're going to be up once a night and be comfortable with it - it's not a problem if you don't mind doing it

Yup ^^ ITA! Or if you can't stand it anymore...(which with the hair pulling smiley I assumed was more like it) there's a point where you just have to put your foot down and not give her a bottle even if she wants it. I would have to put a stop to the bottle, if it was me. It may be hard but....maybe that's what needs to be done??Plus, you just keep laying her down. Yes she cries, but you are there with her, that's all that matters. Lay her down over and over and soon she will stay laying. It just takes time. I know it's hard and emotionally tough but you are with her the whole time.xoxo