A place for those who swayed for a boy but are having or had a GIRL *Support Thread*

[begonia]

Hi...I haven't posted on here since announcing my BFP.

I just found out i'm expecting dd3...after swaying & praying. I don't know how to move on...dd2 was a shettles opposite & this one was a hardcore sway & lots of praying & was pregnant during 1st attempt....really really thought this was my boy...but you get what you are given.

Oh Sunny. I am OBVIOUSLY dealing with what you're dealing with. It is VERY hard to move on, no lie. I have known for about 2 weeks that I have DD3 on board and I am definitely still processing. Good moments and bad moments all day long. It is hard. I too had a hardcore sway, I really, REALLY thought it would work. I knew (and I'm sure you did too) that swaying wasn't a 100%, not even really 80%, but I just had felt for really, all of my life, that I was somehow meant to have a son. When I pictured "my" kids I pictured boys.

But ... as we're all learning ... what we "picture" isn't some kind of crystal ball showing us our future. That little boy of mine with the blonde hair who grows up to be a totally awesome left-handed basketball forward in high school like his daddy? That was never my son. It just wasn't. And even if we had a son he might've liked drama instead of sports. And that would've been Ok, I would've loved him anyhow I'm sure ... but anyhow ... he wasn't real. I have a BFF in real life who truly is grieving the death of her real-life, loved him and had him for 4 short years, son. I keep her in mind often because THAT is real life. I am not in any way saying our pain isn't real. It totally is. It is legitimate. But we do need to bear in mind that this loss we feel is the loss of a dream. It helps me with perspective when I feel like I'm so sad about it I can't breathe. I have 2 gorgeous kids I can physically hold. And they happen to be girls. So what. I thank God they are here and they are healthy and I am so happy I get to have one more. Yes ... I wanted a son. Yes, I wish I was pregnant with him. But I can't spend my time wishing for things all day long or I'll miss all these precious moments NOW.

I hope so much that you can grieve some and move on quickly. It is a process to let go of that dream, it really is, and I encourage you to vent here. This thread and these women have been BEYOND helpful to me. Obviously it would be great if none of us needed it and all our sways worked, but ... that's not reality either. So here we are. And we're going to get through this! Pregnancy hormones DO NOT make this emotional rollercoaster any easier to ride so do try to be gracious with yourself. HUGS to you.

[CapricornAquarius]

[QUOTE=begonia;86866]Oh Sunny. I am OBVIOUSLY dealing with what you're dealing with. It is VERY hard to move on, no lie. I have known for about 2 weeks that I have DD3 on board and I am definitely still processing. Good moments and bad moments all day long. It is hard. I too had a hardcore sway, I really, REALLY thought it would work. I knew (and I'm sure you did too) that swaying wasn't a 100%, not even really 80%, but I just had felt for really, all of my life, that I was somehow meant to have a son. When I pictured "my" kids I pictured boys.

But ... as we're all learning ... what we "picture" isn't some kind of crystal ball showing us our future. That little boy of mine with the blonde hair who grows up to be a totally awesome left-handed basketball forward in high school like his daddy? That was never my son. It just wasn't. And even if we had a son he might've liked drama instead of sports. And that would've been Ok, I would've loved him anyhow I'm sure ... but anyhow ... he wasn't real. I have a BFF in real life who truly is grieving the death of her real-life, loved him and had him for 4 short years, son. I keep her in mind often because THAT is real life. I am not in any way saying our pain isn't real. It totally is. It is legitimate. But we do need to bear in mind that this loss we feel is the loss of a dream. It helps me with perspective when I feel like I'm so sad about it I can't breathe. I have 2 gorgeous kids I can physically hold. And they happen to be girls. So what. I thank God they are here and they are healthy and I am so happy I get to have one more. Yes ... I wanted a son. Yes, I wish I was pregnant with him. But I can't spend my time wishing for things all day long or I'll miss all these precious moments NOW.

I hope so much that you can grieve some and move on quickly. It is a process to let go of that dream, it really is, and I encourage you to vent here. This thread and these women have been BEYOND helpful to me. Obviously it would be great if none of us needed it and all our sways worked, but ... that's not reality either. So here we are. And we're going to get through this! Pregnancy hormones DO NOT make this emotional rollercoaster any easier to ride so do try to be gracious with yourself. HUGS to you.[/QUOTE)

Begonia, well said, you are so right.

Sunny im sorry you feel this way, hope it gets easier for you.
Dd1 Dd2

[TTC5]

Hi...I haven't posted on here since announcing my BFP.

I just found out i'm expecting dd3...after swaying & praying. I don't know how to move on...dd2 was a shettles opposite & this one was a hardcore sway & lots of praying & was pregnant during 1st attempt....really really thought this was my boy...but you get what you are given.

Hi Sunny, big big healing hugs xxxxx

[my5girls]

Helloim new here did a couple of posts on neesing helpttc a boy! I have 5 GIRLS who are 11, 7, 2, 1 & 6months old. With my first two girls theywere unplannes and it did not matter what the gender was. But when we finally planned to have a third child i wanted a boy of course. I found out what i was having and it didnt bother me that much that i was having another daughter. After she was born i knew i wanted another try. I was hoping it would be the gender i wanted. But it was a girl. I was disappointes and sad. I just couldnt wait to have her to try again. Well when she was 3 months old i was pregnant and went for the early ultrasound and it was a girl. All i did was cry! Asking why i couldnt just have one boy i still ask why! I wanted to find out the gender before she.was born because i.felt like if i waited till she was born to hear girl i wouldve had the ost partum.depression
Of coure i was unhappy that she was a girl.and said some things shouldnt but as months past i got over it and asked myself why did i say those things i should b happy that she is healthy and has no medical.problems. when i gave birth i was so happy and excited. I still do want a bot and i am determined to have one. My husband wants a boy but not as badly as i do. He can go on without having a son but unfortunetly i cannot. So we r trying again in january. I just hate how people say oh wow u have 5girls so when r u going to stop having kids cuz ull never get a boy. That just makes me mad. So im hoping my next will b a boy but im so scared that i will b disappointed. But i love all my kids and i love having them i just feel uncomplete with not having a son. I dont know why i feel likethat. But found this site and i realize im not alone.

[gizmo77]

no my5, you are defly not alone. ppl are starting to say that abuout me. it hurts more so when its FAMILY that say it. same here dh doesnt care for a boy as much as me but i dunno i think deep down he does..who knows. lately he s tired o fthe "drama" from y 3yr old and 1.5 yr old so yeah these days he says boy boy boy (not that boys are easier as babies!!). but i hear ya. i hope all our sways work and if not i hope that we become comfortable with what God (or whatever you believe in) has given you. always remmeber (this is what helps me) like you said at least there are no long term diabilities in our kids or at eleast we are able to have kids! good luck!

[my5girls]

Thanks!! Sometimes i do belive that god has given me 5 girls but for what reason andnpurpose is what i want to kno!? Then sometimes i believe its just a fifty fifty chance of being a boy or girl!! Some of my family says ghe same yhing but then others say go for the boy. But im going to do wat feels best for me! Well good luck and i hope ur sway works! What r u doing for ur sway if u dont mind me aski.g? Im new and trying to get a good sway going before january!!

[TTC5]

Helloim new here did a couple of posts on neesing helpttc a boy! I have 5 GIRLS who are 11, 7, 2, 1 & 6months old. With my first two girls theywere unplannes and it did not matter what the gender was. But when we finally planned to have a third child i wanted a boy of course. I found out what i was having and it didnt bother me that much that i was having another daughter. After she was born i knew i wanted another try. I was hoping it would be the gender i wanted. But it was a girl. I was disappointes and sad. I just couldnt wait to have her to try again. Well when she was 3 months old i was pregnant and went for the early ultrasound and it was a girl. All i did was cry! Asking why i couldnt just have one boy i still ask why! I wanted to find out the gender before she.was born because i.felt like if i waited till she was born to hear girl i wouldve had the ost partum.depression
Of coure i was unhappy that she was a girl.and said some things shouldnt but as months past i got over it and asked myself why did i say those things i should b happy that she is healthy and has no medical.problems. when i gave birth i was so happy and excited. I still do want a bot and i am determined to have one. My husband wants a boy but not as badly as i do. He can go on without having a son but unfortunetly i cannot. So we r trying again in january. I just hate how people say oh wow u have 5girls so when r u going to stop having kids cuz ull never get a boy. That just makes me mad. So im hoping my next will b a boy but im so scared that i will b disappointed. But i love all my kids and i love having them i just feel uncomplete with not having a son. I dont know why i feel likethat. But found this site and i realize im not alone.

Definately not alone xx I have 4 girls right now and very well could end up with 5 too!!

[begonia]

5girls, Gizmo ... isn't it interesting how many of us are MUCH more impassioned about TTC boy than our DH's? My DH really won't lose any sleep over having girl #3. He's said sure, he'd love a son, but he doesn't get to pick so why get all worked up about it? He's very happy our kiddos are healthy and that's enough for him. Thank goodness bc I think if both of us had GD it would be really tough. He's been such a great rock and source of perspective for me.

Me, I want a boy. Always have, and probably always will, because I doubt we'll TTC a #4.

[begonia]

Definately not alone xx I have 4 girls right now and very well could end up with 5 too!!

5, I've read several of your birth stories and know you didn't have GD with DD4 ... do you think you would with another DD, if that happened? Or do you think you've made your peace with it? I think I will make my peace with my GD with this 3rd DD but I do think if I did get pg again, the longing for a son would resurface and I'd have to go through healing all over again if I had DD4.

[TTC5]

5, I've read several of your birth stories and know you didn't have GD with DD4 ... do you think you would with another DD, if that happened? Or do you think you've made your peace with it? I think I will make my peace with my GD with this 3rd DD but I do think if I did get pg again, the longing for a son would resurface and I'd have to go through healing all over again if I had DD4.

I will be a bit sad and disappointed for sure but I don't think I will feel how I did the 3rd time around *fingers crossed*. Gosh, I felt awful, so bad I remember thinking and saying things I won't even repeat here because I am so ashamed of myself.

I keep bringing myself and hubby back to reality but saying things such as "If this sway doesn't work, it is one determined girl"... and he laughs along with me.. things like that.