A place for those who swayed for a boy but are having or had a GIRL *Support Thread*

[Foxy]

Begonia - I'm so sorry you are having a rough time with GD. Sending you lots of gentle hugs.

[love being a mummy]

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this Very big hugs to you.
Can I ask why you didn't want any girls?
Before I had children I never really had a thought of what I wanted. I just knew I wanted to be a mum. I always have.
I thought that I would never be able to get pregnant cause I wanted it to so much.
I have 4 girls now and 1 boy and I like it, if i had to choose. I would prefer 4 girls over 4boys. I just picture it when they are all teenagers and I think girls will be better then boys for some reason. I just don't know how I would deal with 4 teen boys fighting and punch ups etc. I also feel that when I become a grandmother I feel more comfortable being involved with my daughters pregnancies and babies. I do hope that my Daughter in law would let me be a part of it all but there is something special about a mother daughter bond when she becomes a mother herself. Hope that makes sense.

[nuthinbutpink]

I keep reminding myself of that privileged daughter thing whenever I feel particularly low about it. The fact is our girls are certainly kicking off life with circumstances that should allow them to be just that ... dominant, confident, successful women. Granted there's a lot to go between birth and adulthood to get them there, but the odds are in their favor that they will be women to be reckoned with

And I appreciate the reply TTC5 and Atomic re: GD as you have more and more of the same gender. I grieved much quicker with DD2 than I have with this one; I think part of it is this one I really, really believed was going to be our son, not just for the sway, but also because my whole life I've thought I'd have a son. But like I said in another post, that wasn't a crystal ball showing me my future. It was just a hope. And I've come a long way in letting that go, what I struggle with more now is just the reality of never having a son. I do think I'd run into that again if we TTC#4 eventually, and until I can get to a place where I genuinely want four kids and NOT just a son ... we shouldn't TTC. If we want 4 but only if it's a boy, then we will probably adopt.

Another thing I also am still struggling with is the whole fertility thing, because darn it we have never had to TTC, other than just BD unprotected. And bam we make a baby. Where I struggle with that is it has made me feel like I/we somehow "control" when we get pregnant, and that I/we somehow should have tried a different month. But there's no going back and I can't change that. It's just one thing that I have a very hard time letting go of ... in a weird way I wish it had taken us a couple of tries, or been an accident, so I at least could've felt like it was luck, not something I actually planned. But then I keep reminding myself that this child (in my mind, at least) was meant to be ours, I do think she was planned by God long before I "planned" her, so ... it doesn't really matter when we TTC. We would have still ended up with her, and I'm completely sure we'll adore her and she'll bring something super special to our family that we need.

But darn it all, I feel like throwing a 2 year old style tantrum about not getting what I wanted, LOL. I'm having a hard time with again this evening bc DH said something today about hoping for a boy, and while I know he'll be happy having DD3, can't deny the many would have loved the chance to be a dad to a son. And I so badly wanted him to have that

I think this is way harder on you because your DH doesn't know. Way harder because he talks about having a boy and you don't have your partner to lean on right now and this would fall under the better or worse category. So, on top of your own feeling and emotions, you have his to worry about too. That is a lot to take on.

I read somewhere on this thread about it meaning your DH is not manly if they have only girls- something to that effect. I understand that statement. I NEVER believed that about my DH but I absolutely thought outsiders would be thinking that. He wasn't man enough to have a son. Of course, I have come to learn that that is ridiculous and worrying about what anyone outside us thinks is ridiculous too.

My DH said something to me once that really stuck when I was fretting over what someone else thought of something about our family- he said nobody gives a $hit about us and our family dynamics. People only care about themselves. And it's really true. I think a big part of GD is all of the worrying about what others think of our family, what others might assume or being saying about us and nobody really cares about anyone but themselves, worries about anyone but themselves at the end of the day. Of course we "care" for one another but I mean really get so involved you think about them too much caring type caring.

I had read your post before taking my eldest daughter to basketball practice this morning and all your posts really hit home with me as a mom of 3 DDs. I KNOW your pain and I have lived it so I know where you are right now and it is really hard. The comments, the stupid things people say, so I know where you are right now and it is so hard to see past right now when you are in that moment.

Anyway, walking into practice, the early group was leaving the gym(K-2nd grade girls) and the doors to the gym open and out comes these large strapping dads(some play professional sports) out with their little DDs. It was precious. These big guys with these little girls in their jerseys just having finished practice. I thought of you. I thought if you could just "see" what I see, see a few years down the road, see all of the possibilities that lie ahead for you, your DH and your DDs, I hope you would begin to smile.

I promise, PROMISE, it gets better. Take time to grieve what you did not get this time- you deserve that and you should not dismiss your feelings either. But once you start to get past it, and you will, I hope you are able to go forward with those 3 girls and make them 3 strong women. I think in this day and age, being a woman is so powerful and I can't wait to see all of the opportunities available to them when they are adults.

I really think you should explore HT if you can. I am so glad you are posting your feelings because this is why I wanted to make sure there was still a place to discuss all of this and I know from experience that you need an outlet to vent. If you are not going to let DH in on it, you need to keep posting or I would find a therapist to help you process your feelings and see your way through this.

Let us help you. We all understand. I wish I could take away your pain but your DD will fill a piece of the puzzle in your family. She will. I also recommend getting a copy of Heaven is For Real- It's a great read.

[Flava]

I hope nobody EVER feels like that! It's just not true and if it ever was true, that is a world that no longer exists and I am SO glad to see it go.

There is another scientific theory out there that complements the TW stuff and it is called "the Priviledged Daughter" theory...basically if your body "thinks" your daughter will be socially dominant, strong, and successful, you are more likely to conceive one.

I don't know but my girls are not like this for sure. Or at least not yet! So I really hope I don't get any more "privileged daughters"!lol

[Flava]

begonia-Im sorry you feel so sad!XX I had the same thing big bad GD with DD3 because i also believed she is a boy for sure.
It was a lot easier with DD4 somehow. No big GD at all.

See maybe you remember I said we just don't know how would we feel until after we find out what is it. Because I said I only want a boy and ppl where telling me not to ttc and take a break if I can't be ok with another girl.
Well it's not like that! You just can't tell how would you feel!

I hope this will get easier for you soon! I know it is hard! Look at me I got 4 girls!! But you will love this baby too only it's hard to imagine things now , but it is easier after she is born and there is a real life baby to hold.
hugs

[begonia]

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this Very big hugs to you.
Can I ask why you didn't want any girls?
Before I had children I never really had a thought of what I wanted. I just knew I wanted to be a mum. I always have.
I thought that I would never be able to get pregnant cause I wanted it to so much.
I have 4 girls now and 1 boy and I like it, if i had to choose. I would prefer 4 girls over 4boys. I just picture it when they are all teenagers and I think girls will be better then boys for some reason. I just don't know how I would deal with 4 teen boys fighting and punch ups etc. I also feel that when I become a grandmother I feel more comfortable being involved with my daughters pregnancies and babies. I do hope that my Daughter in law would let me be a part of it all but there is something special about a mother daughter bond when she becomes a mother herself. Hope that makes sense.

Thank you for your perspective on it LBAM! My reasons are many, LOL ... most of them due to my mom and my childhood, her relationship with her mom and her sisters, etc. And of course, the dreaded middle school/high school girl drama ... that I now get to go through 3x, all over again, except it'll be even more painful because I have to watch my beloved daughters endure it. Ugh. It's enough to *almost* make me homeschool. Oh and heavens, I can say 100% I could have lived a happy life not having to buy tampons in bulk, or getting training bras, or navigating girls swimwear that is designed to make 10 year olds look like 22 year olds ... I mean honestly, I feel like the minefields of raising daughters are everywhere. Not right this minute, but in the years to come. Right now I have sweet kiddos. And they might remain sweet, but even if they do ... the world around them will definitely steal that innocence. I don't think my brother had near the number of issues I had to deal with. And man, at least ONE of our kids could have gotten the dreaded "your changing body" and "birds and bees" discussions from their dad if we had a boy. Now I get THAT three times too. Blah.

Anyhow, I love my girls right now (and will in the future obviously), and at this age I don't see a ton of difference in raising boys/girls. But from about age 12-22?!? I think raising girls will be 1000 times harder. Just my perspective though. Maybe I'm just not seeing the hard parts of raising boys; I'm sure there are some there as well, I just feel overwhelmed with all I see ahead of my girls.

[begonia]

begonia-Im sorry you feel so sad!XX I had the same thing big bad GD with DD3 because i also believed she is a boy for sure.
It was a lot easier with DD4 somehow. No big GD at all.

See maybe you remember I said we just don't know how would we feel until after we find out what is it. Because I said I only want a boy and ppl where telling me not to ttc and take a break if I can't be ok with another girl.
Well it's not like that! You just can't tell how would you feel!

I hope this will get easier for you soon! I know it is hard! Look at me I got 4 girls!! But you will love this baby too only it's hard to imagine things now , but it is easier after she is born and there is a real life baby to hold.
hugs

You're for sure right on that Flava. Never would have ever thought I'd feel this bad. I do know I'll love this baby, I am sure I'll be thrilled with her. But I'm just terrified of raising THREE daughters, mostly for all the reasons I said above. I felt like boys would be easier in so many ways.

I need to check on the thread and see how your attempt is ... can't recall what DPO you are now but know you tried last week. FX for you!

[begonia]

NBP I appreciate so much how much time/thought you've put into talking through this with me; I know you've been there and it helps so much to hear your perspective. Your posts definitely help. DH did find out with me today. He's great; grinned ear to ear and started laughing, because really, he finds the fact that we're "3 for 3" as he puts it pretty funny. He's excited.

But also still fully aware of how upset I am. He said maybe we're just supposed to have a 4th, but I feel like God's said no to me on this prayer 3 times, so maybe I should take the hint. I have read Heaven is For Real; really is amazing. I guess in some ways it made me feel even more like this baby was out of my control anyway, which is a good thing since I keep blaming myself for trying in June instead of waiting til fall. But why God wants us to have three girls when my heart so desperately wanted boys?!?! That I don't know. I guess one day I will. I appreciate having 3 healthy pregnancies and children and am grateful for it, you know? It's not like I don't see the blessing that is when I'm surrounded my friends who can't say the same, either infertility, or terminally ill kids ... I'm totally aware that 3 healthy babies is a win. Which makes the GD even harder to bear because I'm so annoyed with myself for not being able to be like my DH, and just loving that we get another kiddo. And I know I don't have to explain it to women here because you get it, but I flat-out ADORE my girls. I love them to pieces. I will love this next one too. But for all those reasons I listed in response to why I didn't want daughters ... I'm not looking forward to raising them through all those times that girls go through. We'll get through it. But it won't be easy. And I'll have to go through it 3 times now instead of just two.

I worry about going HT because I guess I'm concerned that it won't make having 3 daughters any easier for me, KWIM? I don't know if that would help my GD or hurt it; if having him would make me wish I'd had more boys, or if I'd compare my girls to him, etc. I just don't know. I hate thinking that we will never have a son, but I also can't picture myself raising 4 children.

Anyhow ... now I'm in a weird place because I know, DH knows, but I haven't told any friends yet. I feel embarrassed that we're going to be an all girl family. I need to get to a place where when people say something like "I'm sorry you didn't get your boy" I can reply with "I'm thrilled to have a third daughter" and mean it. Because right now I would probably say "Me too" and dissolve into tears.

Thanks again to everyone here; I know I've said it but I genuinely appreciate all the support and encouragement. I hope one day I can come back and encourage someone else who is having GD over having daughters.

[Flava]

begonia- im 6dpo and not feeling it at all. I just really think bfn this time. We are done for sure no more ttc for me.
I guess I also have to take that hint what your DH said about the gender...we tried for that boy so long now and got 6 losses and 2 girls. So yeah I better wake up.

[TTC5]

Did you tell hubby, Begonia?

There is nothing to be embarrassed about, you wait and see when people see 3 gorgeous girls all lined up they will be in AWE! I get it alot, people always comment on how beautiful "our girls" are! Be proud hunny, and hey if you want to reply with "me too" do it, and have a good cry!!!!