blue swayers why???

[Jconger]

I think that is a distinct possibility for some people. Not only that they don't think it will work anyway and thus are in a rush (definitely true for some) but also that some just trust, in their awesome, laid back girl mama way, that it WILL work out without them having the best possible sway. Some blue swayers will say things to me along the lines of "If it's supposed to happen it will no matter what I do". Pink swayers want to chase down every possible lead and beat it to a bloody pulp - and I have to stop them from doing that, as we all know - but I have a fair-sized group of blue swayers who really have the opposite problem. An inordinate amount of faith in the tiniest of changes and thus they excuse themselves from doing lots of other things, usually the hard and effective things, using whatever they have done, or whatever symptoms they have or think they have as a justification. "It is ok for me to TTC when my baby is 4 weeks old and also lose weight doing 2 hours of cardio a day and taking these neato diet pills my herbologist gave me because I am drinking tea instead of coffee!" (I am only barely exaggerating.) But one of these things may not always be enough, it may be necessary to do a little more than just giving up coffee and taking (or not taking) a couple pills. This is not all blue swayers or most, just an important minority.

It's funny because based off of the personality traits here I should be a girl swayer and have tons of boys. I am definitely more of a controlling person... but I'm sure the blue swayers on here could probably agree. If we didn't want some sort of control we wouldn't be on this site or even looking into ways to help our sway


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[atomic sagebrush]

Yeah,all humans try to control their fate and environment. But after having done this for many many years now, the pink swayers are just in a class by themselves with this. There are certainly the occasional blue control freaks but they are fewer and farther between and are also usually pretty strict dieters and/or very into physical fitness.

[Jconger]

Yeah,all humans try to control their fate and environment. But after having done this for many many years now, the pink swayers are just in a class by themselves with this. There are certainly the occasional blue control freaks but they are fewer and farther between and are also usually pretty strict dieters and/or very into physical fitness.

Hahaha you couldn't be talking about me now could you. Lol *raising hand* the control freak/ personal trainer and takes my health and fitness very seriously... Atomic I will definitely be back and asking you more questions. I'm assuming you want to wait at least a year after she is born though?


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[ChezIBY]

Hahaha you couldn't be talking about me now could you. Lol *raising hand* the control freak/ personal trainer and takes my health and fitness very seriously... Atomic I will definitely be back and asking you more questions. I'm assuming you want to wait at least a year after she is born though?


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She's also talking about me, haha ;p Man this thread has spun out, but I'm real pleased reading over the last posts as it all sounds like I've got a great 'blue' personality all in all. Guess the pink came out from my dieting so much and doing cardio before TTC - anyone who has difficulty keeping on with LE let me know btw, I have many tips for not feeling starved while dieting (get distracted, do something that occupies your hands so you don't snack, go into time consuming acitivities so time goes faster till your next 'allowed' meal, etc)

Atomic, for this important minority, you shoudl really hammer in the fact about them hurting their sway by NOT waiting. Just prepare this chunk of information and keep throwing it at them, about how you are here to provide maximum support for an optimal sway, so it is your job to let them know that they are hurting their chances by jumping in so fast and before recovering, and hit them with data and all the examples, reminding them that you have had tons of cases pass through your hands and are speaking from experience. Reiterate that it is best to wait a teeny bit more (a few months goes by so fast!!) than rush in and regret it. Once all of that is said and done and if they keep charging ahead, you've done your job IMHO.

[atomic sagebrush]

Hahaha you couldn't be talking about me now could you. Lol *raising hand* the control freak/ personal trainer and takes my health and fitness very seriously... Atomic I will definitely be back and asking you more questions. I'm assuming you want to wait at least a year after she is born though?


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Honestly, I'm NOT, but it's a trend that dates back to when I was on IG!!

You are always welcome to come and ask as many questions as you have, but yes I'd not TTC till baby is 12 months if you can at all stand to wait.

[atomic sagebrush]

This thread has spun out hugely but that's what I love about keeping the threads going a while, we never know where it's gonna end up and they are chock full of info for anyone who reads them! Much better than having to read 30 different threads trying to find a scrap of info!

[cosmosis]

12 month is not so bad. I was thinking I'd have to wait like 2 years... which I was going to initially. See, I had it all planned out. 7 kids all spaced out 2.5- 3 years apart so I started when I was 20, but God had other plans and here I am. So now, I was thinking to TTC when baby is 1 year old to try an compensate for lost time, or I could just have less kids and continue my spacing as planned, meaning I should get preggo when baby is 21 months old. Ideally, I'd like to go for a 2 boys then 2 girls pattern. I like to BF for 2 years so... I just don't know right now lol. I have some time to plan, God willing.

It's nice to see all this input! Keep it coming blue swayers! lol.

[ChezIBY]

cosmosis, good luck with your planning!! Jconger, good luck to you as well with your new DD, your future sway planning and the wait, my thoughts go out to you.

Atomic, threads and discussions branching out like this are great, it really does help to have a lot of information in one thread like this!

And.. I have two points to add to this discussion after some reflection:

-- Number one, for Atomic - have you already sorted your swayer population by 'swaying for gender' and 'swaying to avoid a gender'? I guess you must have as you do have separate forums on 'Gender Desire' and 'Gender Disappointment'. I feel after reading people's feedback that there are different categories of reasoning behind their sways - you have those who have a specific desire for a daughter/son, due to some reason, and then you have those who want a daughter/son because they want to avoid the opposite for whatever reasons as well.

To illustrate, in my case, it seems it was a vague idealistic wish for a 'gender-balanced' family that I dreamed up and issues coming from growing up in an all-girls' family with a very controlling, over-bearing and anxious mother (and a father who was very kind but let Mom run all the shots and never interfered much, saying she knew best.) I had loads of unwanted baggage from growing up that way, and so, despite the fact that I did feel like I wanted a daughter 'some day to complete my perfect family' I was sure I 'ought to' start with a boy, to avoid a girl first, anxious about passing on this very heavy heritage. (The wish for a boy first was therefore a 'let's avoid a girl first' wish; the only other alternative is the opposite sex after all!) I am happy to report that I feel very good now and it is largely thanks to reading over the forums here in the last months; reading posts from other ladies who experienced feelings similar to mine while growing up but for whom it evolved into a wish to have their own daughter to 'set things right'. It had NEVER occurred to me to think about it that way, and I have felt very positive about DD since, like that the Universe or whoever believes I have a good shot at being a good girl Mom after all, despite my apprehensions

I would love to sway yet for my 'perfect' family in the future, but I can see the difference between my attitude and this attitude of the other blue swayer population who are specifically 'desperate for a son' for whatever reason. I find it easy to envision waiting to allow more spacing between kids for an optimal sway, where I am coming from, while someone desperate to hold a son in their arms asap might not find it easy, which I get. See my point?

-- And second point - environmental pressure. I think we must sway for ourselves, not to fulfil other people's expectations. This is only my opinion, but I have been quite enraged on behalf of those women on here who have explained that part of their desperation comes from family/entourage putting pressure on them to produce a son (or daughter, same thing, just that we were talking blue here) to carry on the family name, to produce a sex that had been 'lacking' in the family, for whatever reason... Ladies. If I could go around with a huge bat and swat everyone who makes these sort of super-insensitive comments to you guys, I would! Since I can't, here is my best shot at 'why you shouldn't care': having a kid, being pregnant, giving birth and raising it is so HUGE. It is such a demand on our bodies, our lives, ourselves. Who the bloody hell do these people think they are that are putting pressure on you to keep getting pregnant till you pop out the gender they want? It can only, it must only be a very personal decision of yourself and your DH, period! If you are hesitating about agreeing with me on this, think of your own kid, as everyone here is (or almost is) a Mom: how would you feel about someone putting outside pressure on your kid to do something like that? It is unacceptable that others pressure women into becoming pregnant again asap before their bodies have had time to recover, and Atomic has already stressed the importance of looking after ourselves repeatedly and taking time to recover.

If you wanna sway, if it is really yourself that wants it - shoot. If you feel like it is outside pressure being exercised on you - I say stop and consider, particularly if it is society/parents/in-laws. Even if you produce the 'desired' gender in this case, then I think it will only be one step down the road and then the poor kid will have even MORE pressure from their extended family say - the long-awaited son must now grow up all manly, have a perfect job, home, get married and THEN get a son of his own; the long-awaited daughter must be the example of everything a modern woman can be - beautiful, smart, competitive but gentle, brave but also kind.. Geez ;p

If you are pressured to produce someone to carry on the family name - big sorries, but I am pretty sure that unless one of us produces the next Mozart or Joan of Arc, most names are going to be erased from people's memory within a couple of centuries, which is not a very long time, all things considered.

If you find that external pressure, comments and opinions still bother you - here's an unorthodox idea, but read some tombstones next time you are at a cemetery. Life goes by very fast, and here you already have people who also put pressure on others, had ambition, were driven to desperation - life is so short! Let the sway be about you and what you want, there's no time to run around trying to 'please' everyone else around you. You'll just get exhausted. You don't owe anything to anyone, least of all producing a gender-specific kid for them, if people feel like you do, then it's their problem, not yours.

Best of luck everyone

[atomic sagebrush]

Bump this if I don't swing back to comment in the next couple days, getting to the end of my work day here.

[ChezIBY]

bump