-
May 6th, 2018, 03:07 AM
#91
Originally Posted by
LMSM
I was the eldest in my family (well I have a half-sister older than me but we don’t get along and she didn’t live with us – was o/s –if we had, I might have had a more positive outlook on having a bunch of girls first) I always was the ‘2nd mum” – I am a bit of a control freak and like to have order – my mum went through some tough years health wise when I was still a teenager living at home, my dad was o/s for work most of the time – I cared for my younger siblings and the household a lot. I felt I had to step up as my mum, god love her, was a bit of a lax mum, too much so, and my desire for order, and control took over so things could run smoother for my brothers’ sake mainly (and my sanity). I would hate to have that happen in my home and have my girls feel like they have to be the carers etc – I think.
I always pictured myself with a family different 1
This!
Our society unfortunately is still very much a patriarchy. On one hand, I want a daughter first so that she can rise to overthrow all aspects of male dominated gender norms. On the other hand, I was the eldest daughter and there was so much pressure on me (even to this day) to be the carer of both my siblings, and now that I'm in my 30s, to take care of my aging parents. I kinda just want to reset everything and raise a family without putting that pressure (even if accidentally) on my kids.
-
Post Thanks / Like - 0 Thanks, 3 Likes, 0 Dislikes
-
June 10th, 2018, 12:56 PM
#92
Swaying Advice Coach
bumping for more responses!
-
June 11th, 2018, 09:50 AM
#93
Dreamer
-
Post Thanks / Like - 1 Thanks, 0 Likes, 0 Dislikes
-
October 6th, 2018, 07:12 AM
#94
blue swayers why???
I spent a good hour reading this entire thread and I just wanted to add in my story as a blue swayer .
Personally I didn’t have any gender preferences, I just wanted 3-4 kids by the time I was in my mid 30’s and I assumed that they would be a mix of genders. I work as a dentist so professionally I can’t take a huge time off work hence the close spacing of my kids after being married at 27.
I am of an Indian background but even though both mine and DH family have all grown up in Australia there are some societal issues that just never leave. DH is an only son and supposed to carry on the name.
During my first pregnancy everyone on both sides apart from DH kept expecting/hoping for a boy (was the first grandchild on both sides too) and when the 20 week scan said girl my MIL said never mind you will get a boy next time, and asked me to save specific jewellery for my own DIL one day . After the birth of my DD she was fawned upon but I’m sure it was because she was the first grandchild on both sides.
I got pregnant with my DD2 when DD1 was 10 months- I had never ever looking up gender swaying or believed it was possible , just was trying to keep up with my goal of having my kids without waiting too long. My mom was disappointed with the quick conception saying she thought it would mean a girl and she wanted me to have a boy. Once the 20 week scan came and confirmed pink my MIL and FIL didn’t say anything to me but just said never mind you still have time for a boy to my DH.
After DD2 was born most of my DH family just said she wasn’t as cute as my DD1 and that she should have been a boy . It really hurt my heart to see DD2 being so ignored. Even now at 20 months DD2 is much much more independent and carefree and plays mainly by herself and because of this gets ignored or overlooked. Breaks my heart constantly. I’m always trying to give her extra love and attention and show her she’s precious as anything. I will be so upset when she’s older if people keep telling my DD1 she’s their favourite or their special one or whatever. I really worry for her (DD2) self esteem and worth if the right attitudes aren’t there .
We didn’t TTC until DD2 was 20 months as we moved states and both got new jobs and I didn’t think I could cope with another small gap, nothing to do with gender, but now I’m TTC with a blue sway. DH just wants a healthy baby, he’s not interested in gender but is happy for a large family so he supports me no matter what I want to try.
On a side note my sister and my 2 SILs all have boys and constantly act like having a boy is harder work and a boy is more special etc etc cultural bias....
I love both my daughters more than anything and I don’t really have a preference for myself but the pressure for a boy is high so when we started to TTC again I found this site after a month of trying shettles . I just pray that if I don’t have a successful blue sway a possible third daughter won’t be completely invisible to everyone except us as her parents.
Thankfully within all this madness I can honestly say DH has never ever once suggested that a boy was/is what he wants and I know he loves the girls with everything. Sometimes I feel we should just move countries and escape all the negativity....
Sorry for my rambling long post and thanks for listening.....
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Last edited by violagirl87; October 6th, 2018 at 07:17 AM.
-
Post Thanks / Like - 0 Thanks, 3 Likes, 0 Dislikes
-
October 6th, 2018, 02:03 PM
#95
Swaying Advice Coach
Viola thank you so much for sharing your story!!! We'll do what we can to get you a boy but no matter what I know your children will be so loved regardless of gender.
-
October 13th, 2018, 07:32 PM
#96
Thanks so much atomic! Sorry for the late reply but we have been moving house again. BFN on 8, 10,12 DPO and I think I’m out this month again
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
-
Post Thanks / Like - 1 Thanks, 0 Likes, 0 Dislikes
-
October 14th, 2018, 05:31 PM
#97
Swaying Advice Coach
-
January 28th, 2019, 10:26 AM
#98
Thought I would chime in here as a pink swayer on why I did not try to immediately get pregnant after sway opposite. I really wanted to sway immediately, like catch the first egg, because I thought it would be most effective for my sway. I also have a lot of anxiety about whether or not I will have a daughter which I think will dissipate after I am pregnant and the window has closed. But I couldn't bring myself to sway that quickly.
I have a crazy spreadsheet where I plan all my children's spacing (not a new project, made after first child). It shows every monthly due date from now until 2022. It shows child spacing, year the enter school, age I will be when they graduate, birthday party weather, etc. It might be the most crazy spreadsheet I've ever made (and I make a lot of spreadsheets). Just going for it soon after birth didn't fit with my analyses of my health, kids best interest, etc. I am too controlling to not think about those things and just go for it without a lot of overthinking.
Also, for me personally, the LE diet is quite different than my current diet and I want to go vegetarian for my sway. I think if I had to go on the HE diet I could start tomorrow. Same for energy to start the cardio. Hard to will myself to start while sleep deprived.
2013
2014
2015
2017
2017
2018
Sway opposite
2020
HT baby
*2 Embryos remain
-
Post Thanks / Like - 1 Thanks, 0 Likes, 0 Dislikes
-
March 16th, 2020, 10:37 PM
#99
Dreamer
Cruising old threads and found this one. I will say it's a lot of pressure from family as hubby is only boy and we need to "carry on the name" and a lot of how I am. I'm really competitive so hearing that "we cant make a boy" bothers me to my core and makes me want to try again and prove everyone wrong. Of course I wanted this to happen very soon so we started trying after dd1 first bday but our sway failed and now we have dd2. No regrets we are so in love with them but my whole life I imagined having only boys and now I'm begging the universe for just one. So we womt start trying til dd2 is 2 but I'm already starting to make lifestyle changes so we will be good when that time comes
Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk
-
Post Thanks / Like - 0 Thanks, 1 Likes, 0 Dislikes
-
March 17th, 2020, 10:14 AM
#100
Swaying Advice Coach
Thank you for sharing and let me know how I can help!!
Hello, Atomic hopefully you will see this! It has definitely been a while. I am not TTC, my cycles have been MIA for over a year, I'm quite certain. I have not been charting but haven't had it....
Not sure where to ask not TTC