Abstaining or frequent release when ttc a girl.... that is the question?!?!

[Caty]

What is more highly recommended abstaining or frequent release for trying for a girl? As from what I have read they are both recommended but is one higher over the other??
I am confused what to do.... Please help! I have two sons conceived on first try both times and we abstained only to DTD maybe 3 - 4 times each cycle ... Would that be classified as frequent release then within that cycle or more like abstaining?
As I am trying for a girl this time would I best to abstain all together with just one attempt to DTD??? Or frequent release twice daily with condom the whole cycle from AF up to 2 day cut off when I do a Jump and Dump?
As I read to do opposite of what I did with my boys??!!
Any opinions? I am indecisive the best of times but this is a hard one!!!!! I can't decide which is the opposite way to go
Thank you

[stellanneedsasis]

Caty,
Hi I have sat and pondered over the same thing. With our son we dtd for around 16 days in a row through ovulation. A lot of women and sites say that would be girl territory but we got one sweet little boy out of it! This time we are planning on doing the complete opposite. 10+abstinence with a 3 day cut-off. I may try two months, and if it doesn't work I may do the 10+abstinence with a 0+12 only. My poor husband!! My husband is lean, has a crazy amount of energy, high stress, and has a super high sex drive. I guessing that he probably has a VERY high testosterone level. For this reason we are choosing the abstinence to try to lower his testosterone and his sperm count.

I would say do opposite of what you did with your boys as well. I'm a little confused by your last attempts...are you saying you did it 3-4 times in a total, let's say 30 day cycle?? or 3-4 times around your ovulation? if it was around your O, then I would say that's boy territory, b/c his sperm count could stay high. I've seen some good results with a long abstain and one attempt either a cut-off or a 0+12. Good luck!

[lindi]

Here are my thoughts from my swaying days: I think abstaining from dtd, while DH does frequent release on his own is the best of both worlds, but I would not do frequent bd, because the semen will raise your pH, and if your are dtd everyday, that's a constant introduction of higher pH liquid right where you don't want it. And if you totally abstain, (meaning DH does not release on his own) then DH's sperm might not be the freshest best quality you could get. And a 2-3 day cut-off one attempt well timed if you can manage after a good 10 days of no bd would be the best timing. But that requires you really know when you O.

[atomic sagebrush]

What is more highly recommended abstaining or frequent release for trying for a girl? As from what I have read they are both recommended but is one higher over the other??
I am confused what to do.... Please help! I have two sons conceived on first try both times and we abstained only to DTD maybe 3 - 4 times each cycle ... Would that be classified as frequent release then within that cycle or more like abstaining?
As I am trying for a girl this time would I best to abstain all together with just one attempt to DTD??? Or frequent release twice daily with condom the whole cycle from AF up to 2 day cut off when I do a Jump and Dump?
As I read to do opposite of what I did with my boys??!!
Any opinions? I am indecisive the best of times but this is a hard one!!!!! I can't decide which is the opposite way to go
Thank you

I answered you on your other thread but I will recap for anyone who stumbles onto this thread at a later date.

I think that for anyone under 35 who is highly fertile, it works best to abstain for 7-10 days with one attempt. If you are over 35 and highly fertile, I think frequent release with one attempt is best (fresher sperm = higher quality = less birth defects and miscarriage) and you can even try using a spermicide condom for the BD's prior to your attempt - the spermicide will kill off some sperm and seems to sway pink too. If you have reduced fertility (or you are in a big hurry to get pg) you will probably want to make more than one attempt in your fertile window, so you might want to try abstaining with a cutoff and then switching to frequent release once or hopefully 2X a day (not inside the vagina, DH should just release and then you should dump it) with a second attempt at O+12.

What you're describing does sound like mixing abstinence with frequent BD but you may not have released enough during the fertile period. You really have to release A LOT during your fertile period and then hit the O+12 for this plan to work. I am also assuming he finished inside, which ups sperm count and can raise pH. Plus, some guys just have supersperm that laugh at such things...unfortunately this is one aspect of swaying where the effectiveness can vary between individual men (and even the same man in different months).

People always say to do the opposite of what you did to get your boys (and even I say this sometimes) but I've always felt this was a bit off the mark. Opposites happen with swaying and it has everything to do with luck, so you might have the exact opposite result doing the same exact thing. Don't worry about doing the opposite, do what makes sense to you, even if it is very similar to what you did before.

I don't know if I would do a jump and dump with a cutoff, it may reduce your odds of pg too much. It all boils down to how bad you want to get pg and how intense a sway you want to do.

[Caty]

I answered you on your other thread but I will recap for anyone who stumbles onto this thread at a later date.

I think that for anyone under 35 who is highly fertile, it works best to abstain for 7-10 days with one attempt. If you are over 35 and highly fertile, I think frequent release with one attempt is best (fresher sperm = higher quality = less birth defects and miscarriage) and you can even try using a spermicide condom for the BD's prior to your attempt - the spermicide will kill off some sperm and seems to sway pink too. If you have reduced fertility (or you are in a big hurry to get pg) you will probably want to make more than one attempt in your fertile window, so you might want to try abstaining with a cutoff and then switching to frequent release once or hopefully 2X a day (not inside the vagina, DH should just release and then you should dump it) with a second attempt at O+12.

What you're describing does sound like mixing abstinence with frequent BD but you may not have released enough during the fertile period. You really have to release A LOT during your fertile period and then hit the O+12 for this plan to work. I am also assuming he finished inside, which ups sperm count and can raise pH. Plus, some guys just have supersperm that laugh at such things...unfortunately this is one aspect of swaying where the effectiveness can vary between individual men (and even the same man in different months).

People always say to do the opposite of what you did to get your boys (and even I say this sometimes) but I've always felt this was a bit off the mark. Opposites happen with swaying and it has everything to do with luck, so you might have the exact opposite result doing the same exact thing. Don't worry about doing the opposite, do what makes sense to you, even if it is very similar to what you did before.

I don't know if I would do a jump and dump with a cutoff, it may reduce your odds of pg too much. It all boils down to how bad you want to get pg and how intense a sway you want to do.

Hey girls thanks so much for the replies...
Atomic thank you for your advice as my husband is now 36 ( I am 34, so borderline ) so...
I think I will go for the frequent BD once per day after AF..
( does anyone ever suggest to BD through AF to lower sperm count more or will it be ok to abstain until after AF is finished )
..with spermicide condom then on the day of the 3 day cut off will try for 2 attempts without the condom. Morning and night?? Would that be enough??? Is 3 day cut off ok or shall I bump it up to 2 day cut off??
With my boys my husband did finish deep inside but this time I will get him to pull right out and just finish shallow on both attempts.... is that ok?? We will do Missionary position of course!! I will do jump and dump as I want to give it my best shot as far as the sway goes as this will be our last pregnancy. Jump and dump will increase the sway right??
And I am undecided on O+12 is it a must do you think??

[atomic sagebrush]

34-36 is still borderline, if you feel good about abstaining then by all means, I just didn't feel good about it for me myself and I like others to have the same info I had.

I think it's fine to abstain through AF and then DTD afterwards. It can be A LOT of work to BD that much.

If you're going to do two attempts (which is fine BTW esp. back to back like that ) I would prob. go for the 3 day cutoff the first month and see what happens.

If he can finish shallow that's great and if not, that's ok too. Jump and dump with three day cutoff and shallow deposit may be just too much to overcome, esp. if you're doing other things like antihistamine to reduce CM.

Jump and dump def. sways pink BUT it can be overkill if you've got a lot of other things you're also doing to sway. If I were swaying pink (and was 34!) I would def. give it a try at least the first month or two though.

Oh yeah and I am not a fan of O+12. I think it's awfully hard and stressful for people, plus I am not at all convinced that many eggs even live that long. For those in their late 30's or with premature ovarian failure, the egg may be dead and gone 12 hours after ovulation.

[Caty]

Atomic thank you for your advice your very helpful....
I think I am slowly working out my course of action frequent BD with 3 day cut off and no o+12 .... plus the jump and dump and see what happens.
I spoke to my husband about also using the spermicide condoms and the aci-jel and douching but he is not really up for the idea... he is worried that somehow all these chemicals involved could damage the sperm so if we were to conceive we may be at risk of a birth defect... is that a genuine concern or are all these options 100% safe?
I have read on here about the douching and ectopic pregnancy but what about aci-jel, rephlens or rephfresh can they damage the sperm in anyway, does anybody know? My husband is a worry wart :-)

[atomic sagebrush]

Spermicide has been widely investigated and found to be safe...there are links in this essay to studies that confirmed that spermicide does not cause birth defects. http://genderdreaming.com/forum/show...ur-experiences

There is NO way to alter sperm's DNA short of irradiating it, once it has developed and left the body. (men can and do make damaged sperm all the time and usually those sperm just aren't as good as the rest and so rarely fertilize eggs). Tamara asked several doctors and medical researchers this question and they all agreed that nothing we do to sperm can affect it after it has left the body.

[Caty]

Spermicide has been widely investigated and found to be safe...there are links in this essay to studies that confirmed that spermicide does not cause birth defects. http://genderdreaming.com/forum/show...ur-experiences

There is NO way to alter sperm's DNA short of irradiating it, once it has developed and left the body. (men can and do make damaged sperm all the time and usually those sperm just aren't as good as the rest and so rarely fertilize eggs). Tamara asked several doctors and medical researchers this question and they all agreed that nothing we do to sperm can affect it after it has left the body.

Thank you that's all very reassuring.