Aussie older Mum wanting to do a second girl sway after recent miscarriage

[atomic sagebrush]

Thanks soooo much for replying Atomic Sagebrush. I haven't been getting any notifications for any new answers to on my threads so that has caused me some confusion and doubling up of questions. Soooo sorry for that. I also sent you a PM as I wasn't sure how to get replies.

No worries, just wanted to let you know! If you go to the top of the page there is a little thingie marked "my threads" and you can check your old threads that way too. That is always how i do it because I'd get a zillion notifications haha. I find it easier.

[atomic sagebrush]

Also, I do remember somewhere you stating that douching after intercourse can result in miscarriage and guess what I did? After intercourse when I last conceived I did a lemon douche to bring ph down. Like you say, we can speculate causes of miscarriages til the cows come home, but you never know...

I think you're confused about what I was referring to (or I was referring to BLUE swayers with baking soda douches or egg whites, those I do think can contribute to miscarriage) I don't think douching with low pH after intercourse causes miscarriage, I just think it cuts odds of conception to nothing and doesn't work anyway, in addition to causing YI and irritation and unpleasantness.

The unfortunate truth is the number one cause of losses is chromosomal abnormality, and age ups the chances of that.

[1moregirl]

Thanks Atomic. I'm not sure now if I should get pregnant again. I'm soooo petrified of having a repeat scenario of miscarriage, haemorrhage and blood transfusion. Hospitals scare me to be honest and I found that last experience the most traumatic thing I've ever experienced in my life. My heart aches for those women who have more than one of those types of miscarriages. What are my odds of having another miscarriage do you know? I'm pretty sure I have just Oed (gaging by EWCM, as haven't started taking BbT or opks just yet as haven't felt ready). Certainly not in the right mind space to ttc this cycle that's for sure. Maybe, if you're really deadset on having another baby, you just have to go for it with all the positivity you can muster and hope and pray for the best outcome. I'll be 44 next week as well. Sometimes I think maybe I'm just being incredibly stupid and selfish to think of one last child and doing a girl sway and I should just quit while I'm ahead. I have 2 boys and a girl in the middle. I just had it in my mind to give our daughter a sister, knowing that I am not always going to be here and so she would have a sister as well as her two brothers. Maybe what I have is just baby lust and I'm not thinking clearly? They are only a baby for such a short time after all. I guess I'm just worried about another traumatic miscarriage or something worse happening.

[atomic sagebrush]

No one is really quite sure (for the reasons I spelled out in your other thread, the sample that we draw our current data on pregnancies above 40 may be skewed towards poor results and not necessarily indicate the truth for those of us who do stay fertile a bit longer) but overall it's believed to between 50-60% Female Age and Miscarriage - Spontaneous Abortion

I will just tell you my experience, which is that while I certainly think it would be nice for my daughter to have a sister, the fact is that TTC, pregnancy, possible losses, childbirth etc do take a toll on your energy levels and emotional availability because we are def. hardwired to focus on the baby most of all. I have some regrets about not always being present enough for my kids as it is let alone adding a baby to the mix.. I feel like another pregnancy and birth and infancy would only take away from the time and energy I have to give to my daughter and of course my sons as well and I feel like that TO ME is more valuable than a sister, since I know plenty of women who get along very well with their brothers and plenty of women who can't stand their sisters (not to mention it could be another boy anyway) so it's not a line of thinking that I allow myself to get sucked into. I know tons of women with very severe GD "to give a sister to their daughter" and while I understand it completely and sympathize it's just not a rabbit hole that I personally am going to go down. We do have some choices in all this as to whether we indulge the GD feelings or make the decision to be happy with what we have and I personally let that dream of sisters go. I can't answer that question for you, that's just how I worked it out for myself.

[1moregirl]

Thanks Atomic. It's a hard one that's for sure. I'm thinking I could possibly give it one more try and if I was to miscarry again then I would definitely know and feel that my baby making days are well and truly over and done with and would accept with good grace and gratefulness that it was God's plan for me to have the 3 beautiful children I have already been blessed with. I adore babies so I wouldn't suffer from GD if it was another boy, as I would know I gave a good sway and did everything I could. Our plan always was to sway for a girl with our 3 re child but we had a surprise pregnancy with number 3 and it was obv a boy and we love him to bits of course.