To accept things and move on or start over again?

[GlitterMouse]

I've been lurking on this site for 4 years, to my shame from the birth of my second son. I have been following the LE diet and lifestyle for almost 12 months now. We've had about 8 attempts during that time and no BFP yet.

I'm getting a little jaded with the process. I was very motivated for about 10 months, lost a lot of weight, exercised for an hour every day and followed all the principles of the diet. Now my focus isn't so good and I am cheating more and more.

I'm really unsure whether or not to continue and feel like I'm in limbo. I'm 38 and my boys are growing up beautifully. I am fulfilled by them and my life is busy and varied. However, I am concerned that I will have regrets if I don't have a third but it just doesn't seem to be happening for us. I really do want the chance of a girl and would dearly love another boy if it swung that way.

Should I accept my life and try to move forward? I've tried to 'let go and let God' and see how things turn out but my chances seem to be slipping away with each month.

Have any of you found yourself at a crossroads like this? What did you do? Should I buy an Atomic plan and start afresh or try to come to terms with things as they are? Grateful for any responses x

[Girlieplease]

This such a tricky one. For me taking a while to conceive meant at a number of points I did wonder if I should just count my blessings and give up trying. I was not trying for as long as you. As time passed I was concerned about loosening up my sway and was struggling to do diet, exercise, work and look after three wee ones. I also felt I was missing out somewhat enjoying my children. I felt if I went on much longer I would give up swaying and get a boy and all the hard work would be for nothing. The thing that kept me going was I have to try to get a sister for dd and my belief that if I got pregnant it would be a girl. I got pregnant while my sway was still strong but still ended up with a boy. I wish I could try back time and listen to those doubts that said maybe you should accept your blessings. As my dh says you kicked the can down the road and now you have run out of road, as I still have to come to terms with dd not having a sister but now with more stress of an extra child, we have to move house, change the car etc, which is adding financial burden.

That been said, you seem to have a really good attitude about swaying, I was totally unrealistic and unprepared for the feelings and impact of my failed sway. If you want a third child regardless of the gender that is a great position. I think you need to give yourself a dead line, ttc is dole destroying and long term not great. If you said I will try until such a date and then stop and enjoy your boys? Or else don't sway and just try for a baby, you always have a shot at pink and if it's the overall pattern that counts your year on le will stand you in a good place even if your off the diet and exercise for a while. Maybe think what are you going to regret more never trying for another baby or trying, succeeding and getting a boy? For me I regret more trying and succeeding with a boy, wish I had thought more about it at the time. Good luck, it's should a tricky one but you have a great attitude, I will follow your journey with interest x

[MrsSparkles]

I second Girlieplease.
Your attitude is great, you're very balanced and the fact that you are fulfilled by your gorgeous boys is so healthy.
I understand how it is trying and trying, I've been on this site for a number of years too.
I don't think there is any harm setting yourself a time limit, mine was 'if I don't get a BFP by December 2016, we will look at adoption/fostering'

[GlitterMouse]

Thanks so much for your replies girls. I really appreciate you taking the time and for your honesty.

You've given me some great advice. I definitely need to give this a time limit. I think this will be based around when a third child would begin school and the age gap between my children.

I'm sad to hear you are a little uncertain of your situation girlieplease and it hasn't turned out quite the way you had hoped. Huge hugs to you. I wonder if you had these feelings with any of your previous children? I've found that acceptance can be a very, very long process with plenty of ups and down. I feel that your children will be your greatest inspiration for this. Their innocence and simplistic outlook will guide you through. You will wonder how you lived without that new gorgeous boy.

Thanks for mentioning my attitude. I must admit I burst into tears when I read that. I've been through some tough times since DS2 was born, mainly dealing with the unkind comments from so called friends and strangers. I've been told to "Go get yourself a daughter, as these two will leave you when they grow up". Someone else said "Urgh, 2 boys". I could go on and on.

I've worked really hard on accepting my situation and am fiercely proud of my boys. I constantly remind myself of the terrible things that people have to face and also that nothing in life is a given. But...I am a work in progress and still have my tricky times.

I will give your replies lots of thought and let you know what I decide. Thanks again x

[XXforhubby]

I want to give you a huge hug! You have been on such a journey and yet you remain to have a wonderful perspective! Since you said you don't want to have any regrets by not trying, I would set a time limit for TTCing. We have done this. That way you can re-evaluate if you haven't conceived by that point.

Hang in there! I too have been TTCing for almost a year, although we started when my DS3 was 3mo. We are giving ourselves until December 2017. Good luck with whatever you decide!



DS1, DS2, & DS3
One Last Pink Sway
My Ovulation Chart

[Girlieplease]

Thanks so much for your replies girls. I really appreciate you taking the time and for your honesty.

You've given me some great advice. I definitely need to give this a time limit. I think this will be based around when a third child would begin school and the age gap between my children.

I'm sad to hear you are a little uncertain of your situation girlieplease and it hasn't turned out quite the way you had hoped. Huge hugs to you. I wonder if you had these feelings with any of your previous children? I've found that acceptance can be a very, very long process with plenty of ups and down. I feel that your children will be your greatest inspiration for this. Their innocence and simplistic outlook will guide you through. You will wonder how you lived without that new gorgeous boy.

Thanks for mentioning my attitude. I must admit I burst into tears when I read that. I've been through some tough times since DS2 was born, mainly dealing with the unkind comments from so called friends and strangers. I've been told to "Go get yourself a daughter, as these two will leave you when they grow up". Someone else said "Urgh, 2 boys". I could go on and on.

I've worked really hard on accepting my situation and am fiercely proud of my boys. I constantly remind myself of the terrible things that people have to face and also that nothing in life is a given. But...I am a work in progress and still have my tricky times.

I will give your replies lots of thought and let you know what I decide. Thanks again x

Thank you, I did not have these feelings to the same degree with previous pregnancies, as I suppose there was always the hope of another baby. With ds1 I was told at 20 weeks he was a girl and then saw myself at 36 weeks that he was a boy, that was difficult but I worked through it before he was born and was then excited to have a son. With ds2 a horrendous mistake by the hospital told us he had down syndrome so we had the Harmony test done before we realised the error so we found out he was healthy and a boy at the same time, so that somewhat lessened the impact of a second boy if you know what I mean. I think this time I put so much faith in my sway, which I had to do to motivate me to do the exercise and diet that I had myself absolutely convinced it would be a girl, so the fall when I found out was greater. I have no doubt these feelings will pass but like you said there will be moments of sadness in the future, my brothers wife is having a girl so lots of future points when I feel sad about not having another girl, like when I hold their daughter, her christening etc. I think my dd is becoming much more independent, needs me less and am probably struggling with this, maybe another girl was in some part a desire to recreate that relationship, which would never have happened, every baby is different. I love my boys and would not change them, so I have no doubt when this little one arrives it will be no different.

Your boys are very lucky, you sound like a wonderful mum. I think it is a good idea to take time and think about what you want to do, I did not do this enough, by the time we did discuss it I had been on the diet and exercise so long, I was like, I need something out of this! Good luck with whatever you decide, that amazing attitude will stand you in good stead, good luck and keep us posted x o

[GlitterMouse]

I want to give you a huge hug! You have been on such a journey and yet you remain to have a wonderful perspective! Since you said you don't want to have any regrets by not trying, I would set a time limit for TTCing. We have done this. That way you can re-evaluate if you haven't conceived by that point.

Hang in there! I too have been TTCing for almost a year, although we started when my DS3 was 3mo. We are giving ourselves until December 2017. Good luck with whatever you decide!



DS1, DS2, & DS3
One Last Pink Sway
My Ovulation Chart

Thank you xxforhubby Virtual hugs are just as good!!

I will try to hang in there. I can feel AF is on her way again and I feel incredibly down about it. My hopes are dashed every month. I know I'll be feeling positive again later on or tomorrow but the ups and downs are tiring sometimes eh?

Thanks so much for your support. Sending lots of extra sparkly pink dust to you x

[GlitterMouse]

Thank you, I did not have these feelings to the same degree with previous pregnancies, as I suppose there was always the hope of another baby. With ds1 I was told at 20 weeks he was a girl and then saw myself at 36 weeks that he was a boy, that was difficult but I worked through it before he was born and was then excited to have a son. With ds2 a horrendous mistake by the hospital told us he had down syndrome so we had the Harmony test done before we realised the error so we found out he was healthy and a boy at the same time, so that somewhat lessened the impact of a second boy if you know what I mean. I think this time I put so much faith in my sway, which I had to do to motivate me to do the exercise and diet that I had myself absolutely convinced it would be a girl, so the fall when I found out was greater. I have no doubt these feelings will pass but like you said there will be moments of sadness in the future, my brothers wife is having a girl so lots of future points when I feel sad about not having another girl, like when I hold their daughter, her christening etc. I think my dd is becoming much more independent, needs me less and am probably struggling with this, maybe another girl was in some part a desire to recreate that relationship, which would never have happened, every baby is different. I love my boys and would not change them, so I have no doubt when this little one arrives it will be no different.

Your boys are very lucky, you sound like a wonderful mum. I think it is a good idea to take time and think about what you want to do, I did not do this enough, by the time we did discuss it I had been on the diet and exercise so long, I was like, I need something out of this! Good luck with whatever you decide, that amazing attitude will stand you in good stead, good luck and keep us posted x o

Gosh Girlieplease you've been through it. So let down by medical professionals along the way and you have coped admirably. I hear everything you're saying about having another daughter. You seem a deep thinker as am I. A whole future of scenarios and opportunities created in your imagination and then reality bites.

I understand the heartache that you feel about your brother's wife. It is hard to watch on and see someone else 'live your life' or the one you wanted. Unravelling irrational and painful thoughts is the biggest challenge of all.

Your daughter sounds lovely-you've done a great job in guiding her to become more independent. Her emerging readiness for this is testament to your strong relationship. And most importantly, you will always have that however mature and grown up she is.

I'm not sure how 'lucky' my boys feel to have me when I'm nagging them to speed up/slow down/get dressed/get ready for bed/tidy up/brush their teeth etc but we're doing ok considering they wound up with a Mum with no idea what she should do with boys! They've been my biggest challenge and my biggest reward. Little monkeys!

And so to you hun, do take care of your health and your mind xx we're all rooting for you here xx

Things will turn out brilliantly, you'll see. Huge hugs x

[Share315]

Hi all, I am in very much the same boat. I have three beautiful amazing sons whom I love with all my heart. We have been TTC and trying to sway girl for the last 9 months now and so far, aside from one very early MC it just hasn't happened. In the beginning I was also very dedicated with the diet and exercise but slowly I've dropped things for the TTC girl plan as I'm realizing these TTC girl methods just aren't working for us and I am getting older (I'm going to be 37 in March). It's gotten to the point that I am questioning whether it is time to give up on TTC a girl and just focus on having a baby...or maybe I should just give up all together and focus on my family the way it is?? The age gap between my youngest and a new baby would already be 5 years by the time he/she is born and I'm asking myself would it be fair to my older children who really also need and deserve my time and attention?
I also went through some GD when I learned my third baby was another boy, but I can tell you from experience that I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world and I think he was meant to be. I too have gotten some of the comments from strangers when they see I'm a Mum of three boys. It used to bother me, but now I look at those strangers and say "I am really lucky." And it's 100% true. Maybe it's my lot in life to be surrounded by charming men who love me, and hey, that's not such a bad thing is it?
So, it seems like you Glittermouse, I'm at that same crossroads here. We always wanted a big family, and I always wanted to have at least of each (never thought I would get all the same!) but this TTC pressure is weighing me down. I'm also scared that there is a small chance something might go wrong and the new baby's health. My boys are all beautiful, smart and strong...Should I quit while I'm ahead? It is such a dilemma...maybe one more cycle??
I will be thinking of you all. You are not alone!

[GlitterMouse]

Great that you joined us Share315! I echo your sentiments fully. Just like you I love my boy world and I feel so lucky too.

I'm so happy I've reached this point in my acceptance as I got my BFP this morning!!?? I'm in shock and still getting my head around it. We'd had serious talks about this being our final ever attempt.

My sway was rubbish towards the end and I'm convinced that if this pregnancy holds it will be my third son. What a very lucky Mummy I will be. Another beautiful boy to join my gang and my boys would be thrilled!

Sending all the very best to you girls and thanks for supporting me in my time of need!! I will follow your posts and stories with interest.

xx