Large family and swaying for girl question

[Comptokl]

Hello there!!

I’ll try my best to make a long story short. Ha!! (Not so good at that)

Atomic wrote an excellent sway plan for me in 2015 which I followed very closely (but also relaxed a little) and gave birth to my gorgeous daughter after 3 beautiful boys in May 2016. I thought I was done. I was beyond happy!!! Still so grateful.

Fast forward to September of last year... I very shockingly got pregnant (not trying) and learned through the panorama test I was expecting another girl! I didn’t sway this time, but looking back I think I unconsciously kept a lot of the same habits from when I swayed with my daughter. Still, it was a total shock!! Very sadly, our baby stopped growing at 12 weeks and my body didn’t signal anything was wrong until 16 weeks. I had a D&C and decided I wasn’t “done” having kids. I wanted to have at least one more.

Currently, I am 36 years old and one day shy of being 28 weeks pregnant (sixth pregnancy, 5th child). This time, it’s a boy. This will be our fourth boy. I adore our first three boys and absolutely couldn’t imagine my family any other way!! They are all very close and they treat my daughter incredibly well. I love the dynamic. I also know that this baby will fill the exact place he was intended to fill in our lives. I trust that.

However, I still see myself and our family with one more girl. I see my daughter with a sister. I never had one, and I didn’t desire one, but I DO see her with one. It’s like a strong gut feeling that I cannot shake. I’ve tried. My my instincts have always been very strong and something I’ve always followed.

My husband was done with 4, and then even more so at our surprise 5th! He actually had a vasectomy planned but cancelled after the miscarriage. I know he’d likely schedule one after this baby is born, but we haven’t talked about it really since. I just don’t think I’m ready to close that chapter completely. I don’t feel ready.

My questions are:
- Are there other families on this forum who have six children?
- Are there any of you with 4 boys and 2 girls in total? How is it?

Life with my four kiddos is very busy, but it’s exactly what I wanted! I’m the type of person that knows I can handle whatever chaos they bring on a daily basis. I may complain at times, but I feel so very blessed to have these kids. They are my everything. I love my big family!!! I came from a smaller family of 4 and only had one sibling (a younger brother). I always saw myself with more.

Thank you for any input in advance. If we decided to have one more, we would DEFINITELY sway again using all the amazing information here.





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[Comptokl]

Bumping so it’s seen!!


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[atomic sagebrush]

I answer posts from oldest to newest. Please give me a reasonable amount of time to reply before you bump - because it only makes it take me longer to get back to you, and I want you to get your answers as quick as I can.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss but at the same time so happy to hear of your new son!

I know there is for sure one active poster with 4 b, 2 g and then several who have 4 b 1 g (like me!!) I am hoping that people chime in to share their experiences.

For my part, I always really thought I would strongly desire a sister for my daughter - I too never had a same age sister, although I do have a much, much younger set of half-sisters - but surprisingly I have found that I'm ok with it. I like it that it's just her and me. I feel like we are closer because of that. (and this may just be what I tell myself ) It's nice that it is just she and I. Plus, she gets to be the diva (and boy howdy is she ever) and doesn't have to split any of the "girl" attention with anyone else. Now, this was not so much a feeling that I have, but a decision I made. I couldn't have any more kids, my age was getting Biblical, LOL, and so I actively decided that I would focus on the positives and never looked back.

I don't mention any of this to discourage you at all - you know your heart better than me. But I will say this - as I get older I do sometimes (ok, many times) lament the lack of time I have to pursue other non-kid-related things. When I was having babies, I was super into babies and kids and thought about it 24-7, but now I have a 6,8,10 year old (plus my older ones too) and at some point I sort of "woke up" from the baby fever and realized ok what else do I want to do? And there just aren't enough hours in the day for it all. While I would never change anything, it is definitely something to consider when thinking about more, is that you personally may not always be where you are now and may want more time for yourself at some point too.

Plus, every kid you have takes that much more time and energy and money away from the ones you have already. It is entirely possible to do all this, go through another sway, pregnancy, birth, recovery, etc and have another boy. Of course you wouldn't regret that, not at all, but the reality is that it would take time, energy, money away from the kids you have already, including that much less time with your daughter. I think so often we think only of how wonderful it will be and not the downsides - or at least I did. This is just my experience, of course, so take all this for whatever it's worth!

No matter what, I will help you however I can at such time as you are ready to sway!

Again, my condolences for your loss and hugest congrats on your new addition.

[Comptokl]

Atomic-

Thank you so much for your very honest response. I do appreciate that. I now remember that you have exactly the family dynamic I currently have. I had forgotten that!! I do absolutely adore the relationship I have with my daughter. We are very very close and I know that’s something pretty amazing. I feel blessed to be close with each of my children.

I’m hoping I’ll feel more clear on a decision once this little boy is here. Right now, I still feel that tug. The crazy thing is that I thought I wouldn’t feel it after my daughter was done. I thought there would be some finality to everything. She was my girl!! But... that tug never went away. That idea of 5 or 6 never left my mind. It’s strange how our minds work that way.

I would so appreciate any input from anyone here, especially those that either have 4 boys and 1 girl (like you had me), or 4 boys and 2 girls (and swayed).

Thank you so much for your response. I am still so grateful to you.




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[Comptokl]

Anyone else with 4 boys 2 girls or similar?


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[4blue2pink]

Hi Comptokl yes me!! i have:

boy (no sway)
girl (lost mid pregnancy)
boy (no sway)
boy (no sway)
boy (no sway)
girl (no sway)
girl (successful sway)
boy (sway opposite)

until our youngest boy was born this year we had 4 boys and 2 (living) girls.

I am very sorry to hear about your baby girl, it is the most devastating experience to go through your baby boy will be the most perfect fit for your family i promise you, my youngest sway opposite has taught me that but i also understand the desire for another girl and sister for your daughter, i felt the same!!

if there is anything you want to ask me im happy to answer

[Comptokl]

Hi Comptokl yes me!! i have:

boy (no sway)
girl (lost mid pregnancy)
boy (no sway)
boy (no sway)
boy (no sway)
girl (no sway)
girl (successful sway)
boy (sway opposite)

until our youngest boy was born this year we had 4 boys and 2 (living) girls.

I am very sorry to hear about your baby girl, it is the most devastating experience to go through your baby boy will be the most perfect fit for your family i promise you, my youngest sway opposite has taught me that but i also understand the desire for another girl and sister for your daughter, i felt the same!!

if there is anything you want to ask me im happy to answer

Thank you so so much! I am just now seeing this! I’m still feeling that pull to have another girl, but we will see what I feel after this little guy is born. I am nearly 35 weeks now! I’m a pretty rational person, so I know I’ll really be able to know what I’m feeling a little bit down the road. I am grateful for your response, as I also see you lost a girl during pregnancy and around the same time I did! It was truly a devastating experience that affected me in more ways than I could have imagined. It sounds like you have a beautiful family!!!!


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[mommymachine]

I want to say that I'm so sorry for your loss.

Congratulations on your newest baby boy. That's so exciting that you get to meet him really soon!!

I also have a big family and am planning for more. I love big families. I also completely understand the importance of your daughter having a sister. If that is your hope then I pray it will happen for you.


Mama to 6 Blessings!

Hoping to TTC number 7 (or twins!!!) in April 2020

Welcome to my 18 month countdown!

[4blue2pink]

Thank you so so much! I am just now seeing this! I’m still feeling that pull to have another girl, but we will see what I feel after this little guy is born. I am nearly 35 weeks now! I’m a pretty rational person, so I know I’ll really be able to know what I’m feeling a little bit down the road. I am grateful for your response, as I also see you lost a girl during pregnancy and around the same time I did! It was truly a devastating experience that affected me in more ways than I could have imagined. It sounds like you have a beautiful family!!!!


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your welcome how exciting that your little boy will be here so soon i completely get the pull for another girl, i was exactly the same after our first living daughter was born, i think a large part for me was wanting to give her something i never had-a sister, we lost our daughter at 18 weeks and it completely destroyed me, as you said it affects you in so many ways doesnt it, both the ways you'd expect but also so many that you dont!!
Good Luck with your new arrival and after he is all settled in i hope that you are easily able to come to a decision about weather to go for a pink sway or not, either way i promise you this new little man will surpass even your wildest dreams and be a perfect fit for your family, keep us updated!! xx

[ttcgirl39]

Hi Just seen this post now and I just wanted to add my story.
I have ds1, dd1 and lost dd2 at 21 weeks ds2 ds3 ds4.
Every time I conceived after I lost my dd in pregnancy I thought I'd conceive a girl again and I haven't.
My other dd is perfectly happy without a sister but I have the long to do all the girly stuff again. We are now starting our sway this month to try for another dd.
I do worry about taking the time money etc away from the others and especially not getting as much individual time with my dd even now as we have a 23 month old boy but I'm 40 next year so I feel it's now or never.