Sometimes I feel like he is still here.

[sbowman]

Aw honey... Sending hugs. Xx
I feel like this when people ask me how many boys I've got, I often go to say four!

I'm the same, I always want to say I have two boys. I feel awkward because if someone asks where the other boy is...well.

[Dana-Alicia]

So sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter a few years ago and have had two boys since. I still grieve and will continue to grieve I'm affraid, but it does get a bit better with time. My boys have healed my heart in more ways than I could dream of. They have given me a reason to get up in the morning and not get stuck in tears 24/7. When you loose a child, you'll always feel incomplete. But you learn to live with it. It becomes part of you when you can find peace and acceptance. I don't want to hear this from people that haven't experienced a loss like mine tho lol. I get furious when they tell me I'll get better. or 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' They don't know what it's like! But you'll find a way through this, with your precious baby forever in your heart.

[sbowman]

I can't help but cry after reading that. Thank you. It's good to know your boys helped you heal. I'm hoping my not yet conceived little one will do the same for me. And my older son helps too. He's such a sweetheart. <3 He knows when I'm having a bad day, and he will bring me his cars (his most prized possessions) to make me feel better lol.

[Dana-Alicia]

I'm sure he or she will make you happier than you ever thought possible. When I lost my little girl, I truly was convinced I could never be happy again. And the moment my first son was born, that changed. It sounds all cheezy and cliche, but he really is the light of my life. When I was pregnant with my second son (my third baby) I was scared I could not love him as much as I do DS1. But there he was and it was all sunshine and rainbows lol. I desperately wanted a girl with my last two pregnancies (didn't have a preference when I was pregnant with DD oh the irony) but I never experienced GD. All I wanted to hear is if I was having a healthy baby (well you know what it's like getting bad news...). The thought of never having a girl is heartbreaking. As I really want a baby that is like the one I lost, if that makes any sense. She won't be the same baby of course, but she will be the closest to her. Not to replace her, but to get the chance to see a bit of her back and to raise my own daughter.

However I see my daughter when I look at my sons. And it's so special being able to see them grow up, knowing they are the two only people who are more like her than anyone else. They have grown where she grew, they have heard what she heard, my heartbeat, my voice, they have felt daddy's hands... And they all knew they were loved, wanted. I hope we both get to experience a healthy baby again. And extra FX 4 a girl. Our angels will watch over them, all of them. Big hugs to you mama!