3rd child on the fence/ opinions/experience?

[T.f.no2]

Think I just need to get my thoughts down mostly, I've been going round in circles for about 2-3yrs now on whether to have a 3rd, in the first yr after my 2nd I really wanted another but thought it's not ideal to have a 3rd dp would rarther stick with 2 so tried to put it to the back of my mind.
It was hard at first but as time went on I felt happy with the decision to stick with 2, I now go for months feeling happy content that 2 is our number,mlooking forward to the next stage- out of nappies, easier to do things, more exciting days out etc, brilliant holidays. But every so often the thought of a third comes back, sometimes it'l last a day or 2 and I'll browse this site/ Google reasons for and against a third etc! Then decide again that 2 is enough and it's best to stick with the 2 we have etc due to the extra a third brings, it's not so much as happily deciding to stick with 2 but more convincing myself it's for the best when I think of the extra nursery costs/costs of holidays/cost of a bigger home etc

I've always liked the idea of a slightly bigger family than 2, used to say I'd love 4 but that's not really realistic. I be got a tiny family myself, dp has a big family, don't think he understands. I often think about the future and having the family round the Christmas table etc/having them visit us and doing family things together, and the thought of the support element always having someone to turn to etc.

I don't want to get to 40+ and regret not doing it but how difficult would it be to do it in reality, it's easy to look back and think oh I should of had 1 more but how would that extra 1 effect our quality of life, it may be we may have to sacrifice some things to accommodate a 3rd my not have the kind of lifestyle with 3 as we could with 2 etc but think we're talking compromising on holiday hotels- having less choice of hotel that will accommodate family's of 5 and things like that rarther than anything major. I do love holidays tho so this does factor in.

I get nervous thinking about adding an extra one and also a sad feeling when think of not having another, I don't want all the fun stuff to end- the holidays and Christmas the wonder and magic etc aswell as the other stuff about a bigger family would bring. A 3rd just seems like such a change and then a slightly bigger gal than I'd like (5 and 8yrs youngest and oldest is likely) and I just had no doubt for a 2nd child but am so unsure about a 3rd.
Dp would ideally be happy with 2 but sure he would go for a 3rd if it's what I really wanted, a few of his friends have more than 2 also. I want the best for my family just not sure what that is- an extra sibling or not!

[familymatters]

There are positives and negatives to everything, all I can tell you is that after 2 kids I just knew in my heart I wasn't done, despite my head telling me that 2 was probably a practical number. We took the plunge and have loved having a third. He is spectacular, and the whole family - especially the older two kids - adore him. For me it wasn't a hard jump to go from 2 to 3, although you definitely have your hands full. At the moment the eldest goes to school and the middle child goes to kinder 2 days a week, so it's not like I have all three of the home with me all the time. When they are home they play amongst themselves which is lovely. There are days when they challenge you, but I feel it's just challenging having young children in general, regardless of the quantity! It's a hard decision, but my hubby was keen for another so that helped seal the deal for me.

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[T.f.no2]

Thanks for your reply :-)

[XXforhubby]

For me, I knew I wasn't done having kids after I had #2. I just felt that there was someone I still hadn't met yet. Our #1 was our most challenging child. He was never a great sleeper and needed to interact with you at. all. times, haha! #2 for us was a great sleeper from day 1 and was pretty easy going and still is! For us, having a third has not been terrible, although he is only 5mo old! We really haven't noticed too much of a difference having three. That being said, there is a 2yr 9mo age gap between DS1 and DS1 and a 2yr 5.5mo age gap between DS2 and DS3.

I would say that I wanted #2 slightly more than my DH- he wanted DS1 to have a sibling. I'll tell you that I wanted #3 more than my DH. He came around but it took a bit of convincing. I definitely want #4 more than my DH, and he is finally on board, gingerly. I have to give him the facade that he is in control of TTCing, haha! All things considered, we love having children and have the luxury of having the financial means to afford them and tons of friends and family for support.

GL to you with whatever you decide!




DS1, DS2, & DS3
One last pink sway 2016
My Ovulation Chart

[Raezodal]

I didn't notice things to be that much more difficult going from 2 to 3. When ds3 was a baby, in some ways it was like being back at just one because ds1 and 2 would play together and I could focus on just the baby.
Hotels and holidays have been more challenging, but we can find single hotel rooms that are designed to accomodate 6people without too much trouble. Just usually can't plan to stay in tiny towns on our road trips. We have taken a road trip for a vacation every year since we had ds3.
Activities can get crazy with 3. The worst has been with the boys' activities are all different days, so I feel like we are running around chauffeurring all the time. Sometimes though I can swing three activities at the same time...swimming lessons, skiing lessons or even gymnastics we have gotten three boys in together.
Our boys are 9, 7, 5 and 2 (27, 29 and 33 months between the 4 of them). We always planned on 4 but now here we are going for #5 because I feel we're missing part of our family still.

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[atomic sagebrush]

I felt "panicky" off and on for years after DS 1 and 2 and I really just did not feel "done". I wanted another baby boy or girl. It took us 13 years to figure it out and take the plunge again (plus money and house size issues) I do feel done now. Boy or girl I would have felt done, just because I feel stretched as far as I can go here.

ON a personal note, I would say, take it seriously and don't postpone hoping it will get better, because it didn't for me and I wish I wouldn't have waited as long as I did. Apologies for being morbid but I do have some regrets sitting here now at almost 46 years old realizing I could be easily dead before the little ones I had at 39 and 42 are even twenty or even sooner. It's possible at any age of course but the reality is that I probably won't be around or at least not in fine fettle any more by the time my daughter has her own family. :/

To me if it's a choice between you thinking about it this much and an issue of hotels on trips, I'd go for it. It would be different I think if it was something more day-to-day like putting food on the table, but it's like exchanging one luxury for another, in a way.

[Erin514]

I also have two boys and we plan on ttc a third child later this year. My DH is 100% on board, he really wants a daughter. I don't really see any obstacle with vacations and housing, myself. I guess it depends on the options near you and your standards, but I tend to feel there will always be a way to make do. Kids can share a bed when traveling when they're little, you can take trips to cheaper destinations to make up the extra cost, etc. We have a 3 bedroom house and no plans to move, so a third child would mean two of them would share a room. My mom keeps insisting we would have to move to a bigger house but the family who was here before us raised FOUR kids here and they all fit somehow. It just depends on what you're used to.

Where I do question myself sometimes is just in the energy required to parent three. Our eldest is a VERY high-energy child who needs a lot of attention and never sleeps through the night. My easygoing DS2 already gets ignored because I'm always dealing with some crisis with his brother--poor baby! It will only be worse with a third. DH and I are always exhausted now. Will we have ANY time to ourselves with three? And then I sometimes think like Atomic--I might not be around to see my kids have kids of their own, so am I selfish to have another one anyway? I'm only 32 but I have a kidney condition that means I will probably not live past my 60s. But then I think, my own father was hit by a car when I was a baby and no one could have predicted that, anyone can die anytime so you have to just live the life you want while you have the chance.

Bottom line is don't look back on your life with major regrets. What are you more likely to regret later: not having a third child or the reduced livestyle that would come with three? It's honestly ok if the lifestyle IS more important (most people feel like that at some point or else we'd all have eight kids, right?), but it sounds like you're leaning more towards 3 or you would have made peace with 2 by now...?

[atomic sagebrush]

Erin I'm in the same boat, while my oldest two are grown and living on their own now, my poor DS 4 is sandwiched between very high maintenance DS 3 and DD. I really don't like how that has shook itself out for him.

[Erin514]

Erin I'm in the same boat, while my oldest two are grown and living on their own now, my poor DS 4 is sandwiched between very high maintenance DS 3 and DD. I really don't like how that has shook itself out for him.

I try to look at it this way: if they'd been born in our grandparents' time, odds were pretty good they'd be one of twelve or something. They were ALL middle children. At least ours aren't being raised by a nine-year-old sister while we're out milking cows and such. :-P

[oceancitymom]

I never wanted more than 2 kids, but I want a daughter so badly, and that's why I'm going for three. I definitely would have stopped at 2 if I'd have already had a girl. And now I'm convincing myself about all the great things about having a bigger family...bigger celebrations in the future...more kids to have fun with...more chances to raise them well and be together in the future. But if I'm honest with myself, the thing that I consider ideal is a pigeon pair. You get to experience raising both genders without the stress and expense of more than two kids.