What to say to my pregnant friend? Need advice!

[wantagirly23]

I have a 7 month old baby boy named Colin. There was no swaying involved with him (surprise baby). My husband and I plan to sway for a girl in a few months. My friend has struggled for 2 years to get pregnant and she almost did IVF but ended up getting pregnant naturally right before the procedure! I was thrilled for her and she was beyond happy. The issue I have is that ever since she found out she was pregnant....all she does is make comments about how "I really really hope its girl"...."this better be a girl"...."I want a little girl so bad". When I say in a playful voice, "What's wrong with boys?".....she laughs and says "Oh you know I love Colin. He is so adorable! Its just that I really really want a baby girl. I want that mother daughter experience and I want to be able to get all the fun girly clothes and stuff". Its really annoying that almost every time I talk to her she makes a comment about her baby being a girl! She has the girl name picked out and says that she hasn't even thought about any boy names. Its like the the possibility of having a boy hasn't even crossed her mind! She is only 4 months pregnant and hasn't found out what she is having yet. However, all the purchases she has made have all been pink items! I ask her, "But what if you found out its a boy?"....her response is, "Well I guess I will just return the stuff but I just feel its a girl!". Then I say, "Do you actually feel its a girl or do you want it so badly to be a girl that you are believing its a girl?". She replies, "I think its a girl". I am like blown away at how confident she is but I am also highly offended about it too. I have a baby boy and he is wonderful. What is wrong with having a boy? Am I being too sensitive? I just feel like she thinks having a boy is like complete crap when she makes comments like "This better be a girl". Well what if it isn't? Is it the end of the world? I guess what makes me the most mad is that she couldn't even get pregnant before...now all of a sudden she has a strong preference about the gender?! How about being grateful that you are having a baby at all in the first place! Sorry I needed somewhere to vent about all this lol. Anyways I understand having a preference for a girl or a boy (since I am going to try and sway girl on the next baby) but I feel like she is taking it to a whole other level! #1 she had fertility problems and she be grateful just to have a baby in the first place...#2 Its only her first baby! There is no pressure! There is still next time! She already expressed that she wants 3 children. So even if this first one is a boy it is not the end of her life!
So long story short she finds out the gender of her baby this wed. She is going to text me what it is. Is it mean that I want it to be a boy? Am I a horrible person? I want her to be happy with what she gets but part of me wants her to learn a lesson and learn what really is important in life. I dunno. i honestly think she will prob have a girl but if she calls me up crying that its a boy...how do I handle that? I feel like she is going to want me to console her about having a boy when really I don't think it is a bad thing in the first place! What do I say without completely unleashing it on her?! Thanks for reading this and helping me out!!

[mydream]

You are not a horrible person...whenever I hear that any one of my friends is pregnant, I pray its a boy!!! it eases my pain! I would not console her at all if it is a boy, in fact I would tell her all the great things about having a boy and how happy you are.
And at some point if you feel like it is hurting your feelings about her crying if its a boy...I would just come out and let her know..

[girlmom]

she needs a boy then, its those smug moms, you all know who im talkin about right?... those moms with 1 little baby girl, those moms who have never been around a boy child in all their lives, the ones who scoop up their daughter to protect her from rowdy little boys at the park... those are women who despratly need boys and lots of em!
since when is having a boy a consolation prize? thats garbage! i just had my son but i can honestly say my girls are no better then my son, and i don't love my son anymore then i love my daughters. girls don't come out with glitter and fairy wishes surrounding them, my lord it irks me to no end when people say how much better girls are. they're not!

[Hobbermittens]

I think you are lucky to have a baby boy, and your friend has no idea what she is missing! She should be happy to be pregnant at all, but it doesn't always work like that. With each pregnancy, including this one, I KNOW I am lucky to be pregnant, but it doesn't help my GD. I still want a boy.

Anyway, if your friend finds out she is having a girl, be prepared to be even more annoyed by her. She will be gushing all over the place! And if she has a boy, I certainly hope she has more tact than to call you, mother of a precious boy, and complain!

[auroara78]

Baby boys ARE precious!

Agree with all points said above, but if this baby is a girl, be prepared for her girls are better atittude to just get worst!! And if the baby is a boy, I hope she does learn to love him and accept him.

I almost hope she is having a girl since I hate the feeling that some people consider boys undesirable...I am in love with my two little men in my life, and would not trade them for anything. Hopefully, whatever she is having, she will learn how to be grateful.

[wantagirly23]

Thanks everyone! I will update this thread when she tells me what she is having on Wed. I have this strong feeling that she will have a girl because I feel like those people always end up getting what they want. Not sure yet how I will handle all the bragging.

[coocoobananas]

I don't understand how people can be sad about not getting their desired gender for their first. I understand the fear that if they don't for the first they may never have one... But to be dissaponted is completely ridiculous and they need their head checked! I have a friend who said she cried when she found out her first was a boy! How does she know what a boy would be like and that it would be so awful ( which it is not!) then when I got pregnant with number 2 and she knew I was a bit upset it wasn't a girl ( I was so sick again I was sure I wouldn't be here again!!) she said she completely understood and knew she would be the same! Well, she got a girl the 2nd time around so you would think she would get it but no. We're outlet shopping and she comes up to me, ME out of all our friends and says " I can't believe I finally get to ship for girls clothes!!!" I just looked at her and walked away! I told my other friend with 2 girls and she understood, she always thought she would have boys! Her and I have had a lot of talks as we get it

[wantagirly23]

I agree. People can be so insensitive and really need to get some perspective on life! I feel like that is exactly what is going to happen when me friend calls and tells me she is having a girl this week. She is going to go on and on about the clothes and everything. Its not that I don't want to be happy for her but I just wish she wasn't so obnoxious about it. Do you still talk to that friend? I am also sort of afraid that it will change our friendship.

[Possible pink?]

Hi Wantagirly... I feel like you wrote my exact same story! I have two sons. DS2 was a crazy fast surprise. We are going HT for number 3 to have a girl. When my DS2 was 6 wks one of my best friends told me she was pregnant and couldn't imagine it not being a girl, how she didn't want boys and in and on...I honestly prayed she would have a boy, but nope it's a girl due any day and to be honest, I have not wanted to hang out with her or be involved that much in the pregnancy. I had no interest in getting baby girl clothes for the shower and did a practical gender neutral baby present. I also know this is my issue but when she went on and on about the girl thing it hurt me, made my GD worse and was insulting as I love my baby boys!

[wantagirly23]

Hi Possible Pink. I am sorry to hear that your friend was the same way. I just know she is going to find out its a girl this week and I fear that it really will change our friendship. Oh well. Boys are awesome and even though I am swaying girl for baby #2.....if its a boy then whatever! That is what I was meant to have and Colin will have a best friend for life. I just want to TRY swaying since we didn't do anything of the sort with Colin. I am new to all this gender swaying business...so I am not familiar with all the lingo. I know that "HT" means "High tech"...but does that mean IVF? Or Microsort? Or is it a different method that you are doing? I think we are stopping after baby#2 regardless of what it is because I don't think my husband and I could ever afford IVF