MY STORY

[3boys]

My little boy came into the world on the 22nd of December at 2.20 tiny but perfect.

I got to the hospital in the morning and was loaded up with four pessarys to get the contractions started. By this point the bleeding that had alerted me to the miscarriage had stopped (typical) and so it felt like we were starting from scratch.

After another four oral tablets the contractions were starting and I was quite surprised at how well I was coping with the pain, I wasn't allowed to use the toilet and every time I had to go I needed to use a bed pan.

The baby passed at 2.20 and the nurse cleaned him up and placed him on a little white blanket with a little flower. DH and I sobbed and sobbed, he looked perfect to us. He had a little nose with tiny nostrils and little eyes and mouth, we could see his ribs through his delicate skin. He def looked like a boy to me (the ultrasound tech had also told me he was a boy when we found out he had passed).

I couldnt believe that I had let myself get so upset about him being a boy and sitting there watching him, I couldnt stop apologising and telling him that I loved him and mummy was so sorry. I would have done anything to have my little boy back!

The next part was where it started getting complicated. I hadn't passed the placenta and so the nurse gave me another four oral tablets, this was repeated every three hours. By nine pm still nothing but the cramps were getting unbearable. By one in the morning I was practically begging the woman to stop giving me the tablets to contract my uterus. She brought me round some gas and air but this just made me sick. I had the runs from the tablets TMI, but of corse I had to use the bed pan so that added to the whole horror.

By about four o clock the nurse stopped giving me the tablets and let me sleep.

In the morning the doctor told me that I had two options. I could have a D&C to get out the remaining placenta and bits or I could start the whole course again with the pessarys. I couldn't believe this was happening and I was upset about the miscarriage and mega pee'd off that nothing was going to plan and I was missing my boys at Christmas.

I opted for the pessary as I felt I had gone through enough to throw in the towel and have a D&C when the hospital had refused to give me one in the first place!!

It was agony my tummy had been contracting for 24 hours and I was tired and having what felt like actual labour pains (without the excitement of meeting your baby).

Finally I passed the placenta, I was bleeding a hell of a lot at this point (probably because of all the extra tablets and pessarys they had been pumping me with). The doctors were getting worried I was bleeding too much and talking about blood transfusuion, all I kept thinking was after all of this they were going to end up doing surgery anyway!

Finally the bleeding seemed to stabilise (this didn't go on for too long although to me it felt like years) I was really lucky.

I stayed another night just to monitor the bleeding and the rest of the clots I was passing and I finally got home the next day. My kids had made me cards and cute pictures which cheered me up (we hadn't told them I was in hospital) they must have just sensed that something was wrong.

Thank you for reading, sorry its been such a long post. I'm feeling a lot better physically now. Xx

[Mum23boys]

Oh hunny and here is me being selfish worrying about only loosing 1 of my babies when i have another one still growing. Im so sorry for you loss and i really hope you come through this stronger than ever. Your little man will know you loved him. I dont know what else to say as im so sad by your post but wanted to send you a massive hug. xxx

[vickyaust]

So terribly sorry for your loss. Hugs to you and floaty kisses to your angel boy. xo

[3boys]

Thank you ladies

Mum23 don't be silly Hun, a loss is a loss, you have just as much right to grieve. Sending hugs x

[cvd]

So sad reading this. I hope you're doing as well as you can at this time. Sounds like your family is doing a fabulous job supporting you and we're all always here when you need to talk to. So sorry you had to go through this xo

[nuthinbutpink]

I'm so sorry.

[Thorz300]

Oh man I can't even imagine your pain and loss, I am so sorry!

[Atsaukina1]

3boys- soo soo sorry. nothing you can really say over the internet but i'm glad that you have the support of your family there to help you through the grieving and physical pain

[OnlyPraying]

Oh hun, bless you, what a painful thing to go through . I pray you find peace soon.

[sweetpea]

I am so, so sorry you had to go through such a physically and emotionally painful ordeal. Your little boy sounds like he was beautiful and perfect, and I'm sure he'll always hold a very special place in your heart. Please don't feel guilty about the disappointment you felt when you found out he was a boy. Remember, you weren't upset about HIM being a boy, you were upset about the thought of not having a girl. Those are two very different things. Your little boy knew he was loved, no matter his gender, so don't worry about that or feel guilty about it (I know, easier said than done). I wish I could give you a big hug, and let you cry on my shoulder, as my heart is just breaking for you. I hope you find peace and comfort in your sweet little boys while you heal from this. Hang in there, mama.

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. (Psalms 30:5)

I promise that eventually you'll have joy again, mama. (((hugs)))