I am so angry at everything......

[lisvna]

I can totally relate to the TS. I did HT but put both genders back. We wanted a girl (didnt mind to get another boy too) unfortunate only the boy stick. So even HT wasn't a sure thing for us.......why does it looks like if all those other ht girls get what they want and sometimes even at the first try? (we did twice HT). I'm a good person too and I help many people to achieve their dreams (especially in the Dutch part of this forum) but also in real life. I try to live as a good person. My grandfather always said to me of you are a good person good things will happen to you.......why doesn't it feel this way?

[Rose]

Ladies,

I still visit this forum because it was comforting to me during many difficult days and I continue to have great empathy for all who experience GD. Many of you know my story, and I struggled immensely with the pain of not being able to "earn" the grace or blessing of a daughter. Then finally becoming comfortable with the decision to go hi-tech, I struggled with my husband's refusal / reluctance. Then once I 'convinced' him, the pain of three failed cycles was very real. As was my belief that I would no longer have another child of either gender.

I was a person of great faith growing up. And I still have faith in the greater good of humanity. But I do not believe any higher being is in charge of gender selection, or who gets sick, or who gets in an accident, or who wins the lottery. We are in charge of our choices. We decide whether to try or give up. We find the courage to face our pain and try to make it better. We find ways deal with our disappointment... to have more children than we had originally anticipated. We make it work.

I do not know what I would have done if our fourth child had turned out to be a boy. I imagine I would have accepted that I did all that I could do. And I would have found a way to move on. I probably would have found a young girl or teenager who needed mentoring... or taken an active aunt role in a friend's daughter's life. It wouldn't have been the same, but I would have tried to find ways to fill the hole.

It is a real hole. But it is not hopeless.

I will never be able to express my gratitude sufficiently for the blessings of my three wonderful sons and the anticipation of our daughter. It has been surreal. I try to live with even greater appreciation and perspective re: what really matters in this world. But I did not earn this. Nor have those who haven't received their DG done anything wrong.

I wish everyone the very best and hope that all will find what they most desire at some point along their journey.

xo Rose