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October 4th, 2016, 12:51 AM
#11
Originally Posted by
Kittybear
I often wonder if my GD would have been so bad if I had a niece (?).
I have nieces and in my experience it is indeed helpful. It doesn't fill the void of a daughter but it helps me not to personalize it so much because I KNOW I can give healthy guidance to and connect with younger women.
I think many of the ways people frame gender issues are unhelpful and make us feel "less than." For example, when people who deeply wish for a girl say they're better suited to raising boys, or really wouldn't know what to do with a girl. I feel like saying, "Come on now, you're a loving mother. You're not an insensitive person. You would have been a TOTALLY FREAKING FINE mother to a girl!!!" I think there's comfort to be had in knowing that it wasn't because you were inadequate.
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October 4th, 2016, 12:53 AM
#12
It doesn't have to be a niece, either. This week I had a great conversation with a friend's 9yo daughter. I think female bonding in general helps very much.
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October 6th, 2016, 08:19 AM
#13
Dreamer
Does embracing GD help?? Could this be my answer?
Trifecta - I totally can relate to all your reasons for wanting a girl. I understand the arty part of it too. When I start thinking about the fact I'd like to decorate a girls room etc...I try to think "hang on a minute- I can just decorate my own room! I'm a girl, I enjoy girly things, I don't need a daughter to let this side of me out". !! Sometimes that helps, sometimes it doesn't.
Claire33- thank you so much for your post! I actually think that your post got me out of a very depressive episode. All your points make total sense. And you're right, It's no guarantee that just because you have a daughter, you will get to do all the stereotypical mother daughter things when older! All a mothers worries don't melt away the day a daughter is born!
I wonder if lots of the ladies on this site are like me, in that I often find things to long for ...but that once i get whatever it is, my happiness barely changes and I move on to other things to worry about and focus on/obsess over. The idea of something is often very different from the reality.
I feel like my world will be so much B brighter with a daughter - yet I have friends with daughters and they still have all the day to day problems as me. The fact they have a daughter doesn't seem to fulfil them in any greater way than my boys fulfil me. I really need to move on from this.
this site is brilliant as it allows us to discuss GD without being shamed and without the typical comments about how some people can't have kids etc etc. But sometimes for a bit of context, I do go on infertility boards. I read how many parents are desperate for a child and I feel so lucky again for what I've got. Whilst I long for a daughter, I do think this helps put my longing into perspective slightly (but I still think our GD concerns are totally legitimate and real)
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So happy for you Treens, congratulations Sent from my SM-A225F using Tapatalk
Healthy baby girl :)