why did i torture myself?

[Halah]

I'm sorry lucysky. I felt that way at first with ds4. Now he's my special favorite (I'm mostly kidding. He is special but of course I don't have a favorite. He's just so little and perfect right now). You will love and adore your beautiful boy with all your heart.

[angel in a pink sky]

Lucysky, I felt the same way when I was pregnant with DS2. I was so sad being pregnant...truly depressed and hiding it from everyone except my husband. Once he was born it was like the cloud has lifted. I was so happy not to be carrying around a big belly that was not my daughter but holding my son. Be kind to yourself....skip girl baby showers, visit here as often as you need and know you are not a bad person there is nothing wrong with wanting and loving more kids even if you are hoping for a certain gender.

[angel in a pink sky]

Begonia, I have written this many times on this board that I am one of three girls and the bond of three is amazing. Every family of three girls I come across has the same tight bond with their sisters and their mother. My mom says with three you can never compare so it does not get competative. If I am annoyed with one sister the other one always calms me down and vica versa. You have my dream family. Now I want five kids two boys and three girls but at this point at I would be so grateful for just one daughter.

[lucysky]

Gigi - that is really interesting on the idea that I might not be done with two. I know that if I had a boy and then a girl, I'd be okay with a third because I wouldn't have to worry about having three of a kind. But I hadn't thought that I'd simply want a baby again. That's awesome that you got your DD

Begonia- Thank you for sharing your experiences with swaying. That makes sense, and I really can't have any regrets because there are no guarantees. The fact that so many of us on here have each other's dream families yet can still offer each other support is really awesome. My goal is to come to terms with not having a daughter so I can say that it is possible for those still struggling.. I'm not close yet, but I hope to get there.

Angel - Wonderful imagery. I do feel like my big belly could easily hold a girl. I wish I could put a girl in there right now. And it is a constant reminder. I hope to bond with him once he is born. I read over and over that no one would trade their child in for their DG for the world.

Everyone else who commented, all I can say is that you ladies are truly amazing. I was nervous joining this site. I thought that it would make my GD worse. That I should just swallow my feelings and not talk about it. And here I am a total stranger, and you have poured your hearts out to me. And I cannot tell you how many times I've reread this thread.

[dannikins]

hun , it will get better, i have been there twice, totally devestated, but they are my whole world now, and i couldnt imagine a minute without them in my life.
go shopping and buy some cute little boys things, it wont make you feel better right away but its a start.

i have decided this time im not going to find out the gender untill the birth.
i actually think anyone with gender desire should wait untill the birth, just to prevent all the negative energy and feelings that come with being told its not what you wanted.

good luck, and i hope you feel more at peace with things soon

[begonia]

Thank you Angel!! Appreciate the kind words re: 3 girls.

Dannikins I think to each her own re: finding out ... my GD was already bad enough before I knew what I was having; I was crying about it before it was even confirmed, so in that situation I'd at least rather be crying about something that is REAL rather than imagined. If I had waited til birth it would have been far worse for me because all the OWT were saying boy, and I really would have been devastated to NOT have him. And my DD1 really wanted a brother; last thing I wanted was her hoping and getting disappointed too. At least this way my girls are having fun talking about their new sis and what to name her, etc and that is helping me see where even if I personally didn't really want this situation, this girl will be loved in our family.

Anyhow I do think there's merit to not finding out too, I'm just saying that I don't know that it is the right choice for everyone with gender desire. My disappointment isn't going to go away holding my baby; I definitely think for those who have it melt away when they see their newborn waiting is a great answer.

[Freya]

I was really disappointed when I heard girl, because I swayed for so long for a boy, but the ladies on this forum really helped me through it. Also, because it took us a year and I had two m/c, I was just happy and grateful to be pg at that point, and focusing on being grateful was the best thing for me. Now I'm reveling in pink clothes that I previously hated, so I think it really is possible to turn everything around. And my daughter is so incredibly excited about her baby sister. Other mums keep on telling me that with the age difference, it's much better to have two girls as a boy and a girl with an age gap in between can have difficulties bonding, so that's a positive thing for me to think about to. Good luck, I hope you feel better soon!

[Fl-Mom-x3boys]

I totally understand your feeling of devastation. I have always wanted and dreamed of having a little girl. I have 2 sisters and they each have 2 girls and 1 boy. When I found out baby #1 was a boy, I was upset but was okay because I knew I wanted more children. The ultrasound with ds#2 was horrible. I told the us tech how much we were hoping for a baby girl and she put the wand on my belly and said "There's the brain, there's the heart and there's the PENIS" Just like that. I burst into tears and then she said " I sure hope those are tears of joy" I will never forget how unkind she was to me. When it was time for my ultrasound with ds#3 I told them that the same lady could not do my test. I got a nice lady and I was able to see the boy parts all on my own. It was so hard learning that baby #3 was also a boy and my dream of having a little girl may never happen. My boys are now 7, 5, and 2. They are awesome and get along so well. We are now trying for baby #4 and the boys pray every day for their "baby sister". I don't think we will find out the next time if God blesses us with another baby. It does get better after baby arrives. Give him a name and go buy some cute new clothes. It will make you feel better.

[jdoxakis]

I totally understand your feeling of devastation. I have always wanted and dreamed of having a little girl. I have 2 sisters and they each have 2 girls and 1 boy. When I found out baby #1 was a boy, I was upset but was okay because I knew I wanted more children. The ultrasound with ds#2 was horrible. I told the us tech how much we were hoping for a baby girl and she put the wand on my belly and said "There's the brain, there's the heart and there's the PENIS" Just like that. I burst into tears and then she said " I sure hope those are tears of joy" I will never forget how unkind she was to me. When it was time for my ultrasound with ds#3 I told them that the same lady could not do my test. I got a nice lady and I was able to see the boy parts all on my own. It was so hard learning that baby #3 was also a boy and my dream of having a little girl may never happen. My boys are now 7, 5, and 2. They are awesome and get along so well. We are now trying for baby #4 and the boys pray every day for their "baby sister". I don't think we will find out the next time if God blesses us with another baby. It does get better after baby arrives. Give him a name and go buy some cute new clothes. It will make you feel better.

With my previous pregnancy Ii was devasted when I heard boy. I felt like I had lost my last chance for a girl. My first 3 pregnancies were 3 girls, 1st was adopted, 2nd is 16, and 3rd passed. I was in such a grief that i feel like I missed out on so much with my daughter. I am pg again and the pressure is still there of will I have a girl this time. In the end it doesnt matter because I came to love my son but wanting a girl has always been there.

[tinksmagic]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who went through this! I know it sucks to know you're not having what you want, believe me! I swear the depression went deep!! I'm severely OCD so having 3 and 1 killed me!!! Worse than finding out we were having another girl. I blamed hubby for months!!!

After dd #3 was born, I was enamored with her. Not so much on dd #2, took me forever to accept her into our lives (we only had 2 for so long, it was odd having another one...) she's 12 now and wouldn't trade her for the world.
I'm glad he's ok with trying again. After my m/c with our son 2 years ago, he's all for going forward until we get 2 boys. Can we afford it? probably not, but who can even afford 1 kid these days? Are we getting old, HELL YEAH! but I never want to wake up in 20 years and think "What if". I'll suffer now and sacrifice things like vacations and new stuff, as long as my family is "complete".

Each pregnancy I was convinced I was having boys. For some reason, I only wanted boys, got 1 and 3 girls. UGH! Too much estrogen in my life (and drama!) but I am glad I have them. I can't get preggers on my own anymore thanks to my thyroid, but with PDG and IVF, we have a fighting chance.

Please remember one thing though, as hard as it is to have what you don't want, it's so much harder to finally have what you want then lose him/her. It still breaks my heart that I lost the twins I had dreamed of for 5 years. We were SO CLOSE!!! I'm trying again now and there's that fear of not getting them all over again.