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  1. #1
    Dream Newbie

    Join Date
    Jul 2019
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    Feeling sad that swaying will not work for me

    I have been feeling a little low the last couple of days and I have started to feel sceptical about whether swaying will work for me.
    I have purchased a plan which was recently finished for me but based on the advice atomic has kindly given me in the interim and the from reading what I have in the forums I have been the following the principles of the LE diet for the last two and half weeks. This has involved big changes for me including drinking a lot more coffee and eating a lot less meat, but I have embraced these changes and I have been doing well.

    Hubby is also on board and has agreed to start drinking soy milk daily.

    I have been wearing my ava bracelet and because I have no idea when I ovulate, and I guess to validate the ava I have got myself some ovulation sticks as well - planning on starting from tomorrow as it looks like my period has finished today. Should I do this just once a day in the morning?

    So, whatís wrong well in between moments of excitement I have this horrible feeling that I canít shift that it is just not going to happen for me, for us. I feel I tried before and it didnít work Ė it was nothing as detailed as what I am doing now so I know itís not fair to really compare but I canít help it. My husband is desperate to give me a daughter and there have been a couple of nights where I have cried in bed because of this sadness I feel. Iíve mentioned adoption but weíve not seriously discussed it. My husband wants another baby with me whatever the outcome. I want this to but for me and I know you should never say never but I do feel this would be our last baby whether it was our own or not. The simple fact is that we are not in the position to have a bigger family.
    Talking with two of my motherís friends that had two boys like me they have said their biggest regret is that they didnít have a third baby. They both would have loved a daughter, but they wished they had a third whether it was a girl or boy. I am very maternal. I have always wanted to have children. I always dreamed that I would have three children. I never thought it would not have come naturally for me to have a daughter. I have been surrounded by women my whole life. I have sisters, my mother has sisters and so does my grandma. I went to an all-girls school and I work in a very female orientated environment. Can I have three sons and be happy and not feel I have lost out?

    I wonder why I canít just be happy with what I have. I have been blessed in this life with two beautiful children who I adore, a wonderful husband and we are living a comfortable life. Why do I need more, why do I need to rock the boat? I wish I didnít feel this way, but I want a daughter so much that I feel teary just writing this. I guess I just canít imagine not being pregnant one more time, giving birth again or nurturing one more baby.

    I really want to try and relax about it all and come to peace with my decision to try again knowing that we cannot determine the outcome, but we can try and sway it. Does anyone have any motivational phrases they used to keep them going?

    For me I feel I can only really relax once I have decided when I want to start trying. I have been wondering if I should try in 6 weeksí time Ė which is earlier than planned or whether I should hold out till December. I know it takes times to work out when your body is ovulating, but I guess I am also confused about why this is so necessary to know if the timing method has been debunked?

    As I am on path anyway, I feel like having an attempt after my next period in September. We will be away from home for about 10 days mid-October and during this time it will be more difficult for me to follow LE diet. Alternatively, I can start again on our return home and have an attempt 6 weeks later in December?

    Any words of wisdom will be much appreciated.

    Love holly xxxxx

  2. #2
    Swaying Advice Coach
    atomic sagebrush's Avatar
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    Dec 2010
    Eastern Washington State, USA
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    I think I replied to most of this in the other thread but I did want to mention something about being happy when you're accustomed to being surrounded by women. I think this is something we (meaning all humans) all struggle with entirely aside from gender desire. We have a vision of what our lives as adults will be like and then there can be a very real mourning process that comes when we realize that's not at all what our life ends up to be. Sometimes these differences are fairly trivial and other times they're pretty devastating. The nice thing about gender desire is that on some level we know that it is more on the trivial side, even though it doesn't always feel like it. (I'm not saying this to deride/diminish gender disappointment - remember I had it too and still struggle with some of those feelings to this very day. But any of us would admit that having infertiliyt or losing a pregnancy or a child be very ill/pass away and a host of other problems are more serious than GD feelings are)

    There is a short essay called "Welcome to Holland" that is about having a special needs child that many of us have found really sums up our experience with raising boys when we expected girls. Welcome to Holland This is not intended to compare having GD with a special needs child at all - in fact, many special needs parents believe the essay trivializes their experiences and to be honest I think the essay actually suits those of us suffering through the fairly small problem of GD better than special needs parents, who have a lot on their plate to deal with, if that makes sense.

    So I would urge anyone struggling with GD feelings and wondering if they could ever be happy as a boy/girl mom when that isn't what they expected, to read the Welcome to Holland essay, as it really is very helpful. The short answer is, yes, you absolutely can, but you have to let go of what your dream was to focus on the joys of the place you're at.
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